Deal With Poisonous Friends
Poisonous friends can be difficult to identify. Oftentimes, they appear loyal and kind, and may share many common interests with those they poison. Here are some steps and tips which will help anyone who thinks that they may be dealing with a poisonous friend.
Steps
- Get to know your true self. Grab a blank notebook and start writing. Who do you want to be? What do you like about yourself? How do others see you? What are your values? If you could change anything about yourself, what would you change? Decide how you want to live your life. This does not have to be a comprehensive evaluation, but it should include those things which are most important to you.
- Examine your behavior when you are around your poisonous friend. Do you say what you honestly think or feel? Do you put others down because you know that he or she will enjoy it? Do you feel like you have to impress him or her? Do you fight for his or her attention? Ask yourself questions like these.
- Keep your core values in mind at all times. From now on, you will be true to yourself and your values. Think before you speak or act. It might be difficult to begin asserting your true self, but it will be worth it.
- Surround yourself with positive influences who share your core values and who make you feel good about yourself. Don't be afraid to be apart from your poisonous friend.
- Assert your independence a little at a time through your actions. Get a hobby. Invite a new friend to a movie (do not flaunt this to your friend, though, since that would make you a somewhat poisonous friend). Join a gym, volunteer or do something that makes you a better person and makes you feel good about yourself. Just try to set yourself apart from your friend.
- Distance yourself from your friend, but do this very slowly. Be discreet and gradually reduce the time that you spend with this person. Remain polite and friendly when you see your friend but don't make bigger arrangements to see each other.
- Be wary and protect yourself. Don't share personal information or secrets with someone you do not absolutely trust, as that person could break your confidences. Be kind to everyone, but be choosy when it comes to developing close friendships. This is not snobbery, this is wisdom.
Tips
- Remember: the only person you can change is yourself.
- If your family is not aware of your friend's poisonous behavior, let them know somehow. Spouses, parents, and siblings can be powerful allies and supporters.
- An ideal time to "find yourself" is on a vacation or a long weekend when you will be away from your friend. Spending time with family is a fabulous way to get back in touch with your true self!
- Continue to write in your notebook to get to know yourself better and to stay in touch with your core values. An empowering project that you can do in your notebook is to compile a personal list of "rights." Example: "I have the right to go fly fishing and not feel embarrassed. I have the right to read a book on Friday nights instead of going to the football game."
- If you are simply in a disagreement with a friend, try to resolve it peacefully and preserve the friendship.
- Try and keep a record of how you feel each day. This will ensure you notice your feelings and help you be a happier person.
Warnings
- Avoid the extremes of "passive" and "aggressive" behavior. Only a tiny fraction of situations truly require drastic measures.
- Be careful not to become poisonous yourself. As hard as it is, you must be the bigger person and show kindness to your friend even while distancing yourself from him or her. He or she is probably dealing with many internal battles.
- When you begin asserting your independence by following your core values, your friend may be surprised or angered. If he or she questions you, simply explain that you "have decided not to steal cars anymore" or "that you really have always liked fly fishing but hadn't gone in a long time."
Things You'll Need
- A blank notebook
- Courage
- Honesty
- Supportive friends and family members
