Get a Guy at Work to Like You

Work can be a truly awesome place to meet a guy. You already see each other regularly, so it’s easy to get to know each other naturally. And by working together, you already have something in common and something to talk about. But turning a workplace crush into a relationship can also be tricky. If your boss or coworkers don’t approve, the road to romance could be rocky. However, once your crush likes you back, chances are he’ll happily do what it takes to make it work.

Steps

Flirting at Work

1. Make eye contact. Eye contact is fundamental to flirting and attraction. The eyes truly are the windows to the soul, so let him see yours. If you can’t look him in the eye, he’ll probably assume that you’re not interested in getting to know him.
   • Though some eye contact is good, don’t hold his gaze for too long. There’s a fine line between looking and staring.
   • Generally, women show they’re attracted to a guy by lifting their eyebrows, making eye contact, tilting their heads down and to one side, and then looking away. This body language is almost universal.
2. Smile. This is possibly the easiest way to let a guy know you like him. When you smile at a guy, you appear open and friendly. That lets him know you’re approachable, and someone he can be himself with.
   • The best smile is a genuine smile. People can read when a smile is fake, so just be natural!
   • If you've got great teeth or cute dimples, smiling helps show them off.
3. Touch him. This isn’t always appropriate in the workplace, so be careful with this step. Some types of touch are commonplace in any environment, but some would feel uncomfortable in a workplace. There are three levels of flirtatious touch.
   • Friendly touch can be a handshake, or tapping someone on the shoulder. This kind of touch happens in almost all working environments.
   • Plausible deniability touch refers to touch that is more personal, and can raise questions about a person’s intentions. This includes putting a hand or arm around someone’s shoulder or giving them a hug. This kind of touch could seem out of place in the kitchen of a fast paced restaurant. However, in an office setting, it could come across as a caring gesture after a difficult meeting.
   • Touching someone’s face is considered “going nuclear” in terms of touch. There are few work situations in which you’d likely touch a coworker’s face. However, if he has an eyelash on his cheek, that could be a perfect opportunity to gently and flirtatiously remove it for him.
4. Compliment him. Everyone likes a little flattery now an then. Point out something you like or appreciate about him. It’s best not to only focus on his appearance, though. Think of things he did that you thought were cool, or an accomplishment he’s proud of.
   • Let him know you're always happy to see him. His personality makes the long days much more fun.
   • Compliment something he did well. Maybe he gave a great presentation, or finished a job with great attention to detail. This will show you've been noticing him.
5. Be direct. Studies have shown that women are the most successful at flirting when they’re direct. If you’re not getting any response from your crush, it may be that he simply isn’t getting the message, and you need to be more obvious.
   • Being direct has its limits. If you feel you’re sending all the right cues and not getting anything back, he may be trying to politely let you know he’s not interested.
   • If you fear this may be the case, just continue to be your usual charming self, and see if he is inspired to make a move himself.
   • You can be direct without being demanding. Say, "I'd love to get together sometime," instead of, "Will you get a drink with me?"
6. Flirt digitally. Flirting via phone or social media can be either more discreet or more public, depending on how you do it. If you send a flirty text here or there, chances are no one else will find out. But nosy coworkers will notice if you’ve liked every one of his Facebook pictures.
   • Always be extra careful when flirting digitally. For example, did you click “reply” or “reply all”?
   • Avoid anything that’s inappropriate for the workplace. It’s perfectly innocent to suggest in an e-mail that you go out for cocktails after the long day your department has had. Sending suggestive pictures is harder to justify.

Presenting Your Best Self

1. Look your best. There’s no one way to look great. Every woman has a different style, and every man has different tastes. Looking your best isn’t just about what he’ll think, it’s about wearing something that makes you feel confident. When you feel good about yourself, you automatically look more attractive to people.
   • If you have to wear business attire to work, choose outfits that you feel great in. Wear that skirt suit that you know shows off your best features.
   • If your job requires that you wear a uniform, make sure it fits you well and is clean. And pay extra attention to the aspects of your appearance that you can personalize-- like your hair, nails, makeup, and jewelry.
   • If your work clothes are necessarily dirty (if, for instance, you work in a garage or in landscaping) you can still choose clothing and hairstyles that make you feel confident and good about yourself.
2. Practice good grooming and hygiene. People who take good care of themselves seem attractive, because it shows that they take pride in their appearance. And you definitely want to avoid the embarrassment of finally going out for drinks with your crush, but not wanting to make a move because you didn’t bother to shower that day.
3. Get enough sleep. Rest helps us to look and feel our best. If you don’t get enough rest, you’ll be groggy and not on your A-game when it comes to flirting.
4. Smell good. Smell is the sense that is most closely tied to our memories. It’s also linked to attraction. If your crush begins to associate you with a pleasant scent, you’ll have that extra biological mechanism on your side.
5. Appear independent and confident. This is sometimes called playing "hard to get." What it really means is that you show him that you’ve got a lot going on and aren’t dependent on a man to make you feel fulfilled.
   • Causally let him know about your exciting weekend plans. He’ll get the idea that you know how to have fun and have an interesting life. You could say, "Have you ever been kayaking before? I'm going this weekend and wondering what I should pack."
   • Be comfortable eating lunch by yourself or with one or two friends. This shows that you value time alone and with people you care about. You’re not just trying to surround yourself with people.
6. Show your fun side. If he only sees you at work, he may not know about the other sides of your personality. Make it clear that you’re not strictly business-- in or out of the workplace.
   • Do something fun or silly at work. Maybe organize workplace Secret Santas for the holidays, or bring in a goofy wall calendar for the break room.
   • Invite coworkers (not just him) to do something fun outside the workplace. Maybe signing up to run a local 5K race or have a picnic on the weekend. This will give him a glimpse into your interests outside the workplace.

Interacting Outside of Work

1. Invite him to do something different. This shows that you know how to have a great time, and can provide him with excitement. It’s easy to invite someone out for a drink or dinner, but the most memorable people are the ones who invite us to do something we’ve never done before.
   • If you invite him and he declines, don’t get discouraged. You can simply say, "Well, if you'd ever like to go in the future, let me know. I'd really enjoy that." This keeps the door open and puts the ball in his court.
   • Make it something you’re genuinely excited about. If you’re terribly afraid of heights, you might not want to invite him to go ziplining, just because it sounds cool. But perhaps there’s an interesting hike you could go on together.
2. Wear something you couldn’t wear to work. If you’re having lunch or hanging out right after work, you won’t be able to completely change your clothes. But you can make small, flirty changes. If you’re getting together on a day off, be sure to let your personal style shine, since you don’t have to dress for work.
   • If you’re going straight from work, you might want to let your hair down after having it up all day.
   • If you’re taking your lunch together, you could leave the jacket of your skirt suit at the office to show a less formal side of yourself.
   • It’s also okay to change your clothes between work and happy hour. If your clothes are dirty after a day of work, it makes sense that you’d want to change before going out.
3. Check in outside of work. If you’ve talked during the day, you can remind him of your connection by sending a short text or e-mail. Try to keep the conversation not focused on work, but instead on something you connected over.
   • If he mentioned a band or movie he’s interested in, maybe send a text that says, "Hey! I downloaded that album you mentioned. Thanks for the awesome recommendation."
   • Keep it brief. Even if he likes you, he may not want to be reminded of his workplace once he’s done for the day. Don’t expect long text or e-mail conversations after a long day of work.
4. Get the approval of his friends. If he’s friends with some of your coworkers, this one can be easy. Make efforts to be friendly with the people you know he hang out with. You don’t need to let them know your intentions, of course. But if his friends like you, they’re likely to support a budding romance between you, and people tend to value their friends’ opinions when it comes to relationships.

Maintaining Good Boundaries

1. Keep it respectful. No one wants to feel like they’re being sexually harassed at work. You can send plenty of signals that you’re interested without crossing his boundaries.
   • Give him space. Let him decide if he wants to have lunch near you, rather than always rushing to eat near him. If he works in another department, don’t spend too much time there or he might feel that you’re being intrusive.
2. Know your company policy. Some workplaces actually prohibit employees from becoming romantically involved. Others have strict policies about the kind of communication that is allowable while on the clock. Don’t do anything to jeopardize either of your jobs. If it has to wait until after work, let it.
3. Prepare for gossip. This can be the hardest part, but it’s almost bound to happen. No matter how subtle you both are, people are sure to notice what’s going on. Workplace gossip helps relieve the boredom of routine, so expect questions and rumors.
   • Gossip can sometimes work in your favor. If your crush wasn’t sure of your intentions, hearing a rumor might help him get the full picture.
   • Decide whether you want to dismiss rumors or be honest about your feelings for your crush. Remember that even things you tell someone in confidence will likely make their way around the office eventually.
4. Know that your motives might be questioned. It’s very common for people to see workplace flirting as a way to get ahead in the company. First, you need to be honest with yourself that this is not what’s going on. Then let anyone who asks know that you would never engage in flirting simply to advance your career.
5. Stick to one guy at a time. With online dating apps, you can easily flirt with (and date) multiple guys at once, and no one has to know. At work, things are quite different. Even if your crush doesn’t realize that you’ve also been flirting with the guy in the mailroom, someone else will. And you can be sure it’ll get back to him.

Tips

• Take it slow. Some people are very cautious about workplace romance. They worry that if things don’t work out, it could make for an uncomfortable working environment for a long time. If he doesn’t immediately ask you out, don’t get discouraged.
• Make sure he’s single. Before wasting your time and efforts, do a little bit of recon. Casually ask a coworker if they know if he’s with anyone. Your coworker will probably understand your motives, so make sure it’s someone whom you trust.

Warnings

• Workplace romance that goes bad can indeed create an uncomfortable situation. If you do end up going on a couple of dates with this guy, have an honest conversation about this. Agree that if things don’t work out, you both plan to still treat each other respectfully and be able to work together. If you both can’t agree to this, it’s not advisable to keep dating.
• If things workout, be sure to talk about how open you’ll both be about your relationship at work. Depending on where you work, it may be best to keep the relationship a secret while on the job, or you may be able to be completely open about it. However, if you’re not on the same page, there can be painful misunderstandings.

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Sources and Citations

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