Get over Having Missed Your Prom

So you missed your prom...Maybe you were home schooled and didn't have one. Maybe you had really overprotective parents who didn't let you go. Maybe you were grounded. Maybe you had a personal or family emergency and could not make it, or you didn't have a date at the time... Or just maybe your school didn't have a prom to begin with. Either way, you still have a sense of regret about missing your prom, or you probably wouldn't even be here.

Though prom is a memorable night for those who got to go, you have regrets for whatever reason you didn't get to go. You are not alone. Many people didn't go to their prom either, and some still continue to feel regret about it. Uma Thurman recently said in an interview that she is still disappointed about missing hers. Drew Barrymore recently re-created a prom for a friend who had missed her high school prom.

Steps

  1. Realize and accept that you probably did not miss out on as much as you may think you did. Sure, it's fun, it's even quasi-fancy, but in reality, for many people, prom is just a formal dance with a few cheesy decorations and parting gifts. A lot of people who went to prom say it was one of the best nights of their lives. But there are just as many others who say it was a waste of time and money, and would have rather done something more exciting. There is a saying that "most people who went to prom wishes they hadn't, and most people who didn't wish they had."
  2. Remember that a lot of successful people in society weren't exactly prom queens (or kings) either. Taylor Swift, Mila Kunis, Madonna, Owen Wilson, James Franco, Mena Suvari, Uma Thurman, Conan O'Brien, Diane Sawyer, syndicated radio host Delilah, and Drew Barrymore never attended their official senior proms - though Swift later attended someone else's, in addition to her record company throwing a prom-themed party for her when she got her first platinum album; and Barrymore has hosted a "prom party" on at least two separate occasions.
  3. Choose not to let it consume your life. It's not the end of the world. Although it can be a fun and exciting experience, prom is not usually an event that defines the rest of one's life. Often times, people who were popular in high school lead fairly dull adult lives. Just as there are many celebrities who didn't go to prom, there are many prom kings/queens who sell insurance or work at the local supercenter.
  4. Consider the experiences you have had that those who went to prom may have missed out on. True, Madonna was never prom queen. Then again, how many prom queens had platinum albums? You may have had an experience that few others get to have for themselves. Make a list, and refer to it whenever you feel blue about not having prom pictures or memories.
  5. Give yourself an experience that most others don't have. This does NOT necessarily need to be anything even closely related to a prom. Maybe this is getting tickets to see your favorite rock band perform live, or taking a Greyhound to Hollywood to see the Walk of Fame. Save up some money if you need to, and treat yourself with rare experiences like these.
  6. Attend a formal event that is open to the public. This might give you just the closure you need. Nearly every major city has some kind of formal events that are accessible to the public. This could be anything from a charity ball for breast cancer or child abuse awareness to a film festival's opening night gala, depending on what your city or area (or one you're willing and able to travel to) has to offer. For instance, most film festivals have an opening night gala that is either formal or semi-formal. These usually get publicity on the evening news or in local media. You can dress up just as formally as you would for a prom - and you'll be helping a good cause. A prom is basically just a formal event, in all honesty.
  7. If you are currently in college at a residential campus, consider going to formals. They are usually sponsored either by ballroom dance clubs and/or by fraternities or sororities, but many in fraternities/sororities allow those outside the Greek system to attend as well. Call a friend up and invite him/her to the event.. If your campus is not known to have formals that are open to all students, check to see if there is a ballroom dance club, and if there is, if they are aware of competitions.
  8. Don't be afraid to create your own "prom experience" if you still feel the need to do so. A section has been added below with ideas. Don't worry about feeling silly, or what others (friends, family, etc.) think of your decision. There is nothing wrong with giving yourself the closure you need, no matter what anyone tells you.
  9. If someone else caused you to miss your prom, try to forgive them if at all practical. This may be hard or impossible depending on your situation. If your parents wrongfully grounded you five hours before the prom for something you didn't do, and have since tried to make amends to make it up to you, perhaps it is time to let it go. If your brother sold your dress to a pawn shop the day of the dance to buy drugs, that may be a different story, depending on whether he's turned his life around and made things right with you.
  10. Think of it this way- You saved lots of money! You did not have to buy a fancy dress,rent a tux,or get over priced photo packages. All your friends are probably broke,while you might have some money left over.

Recreating The Prom You Never Had

  1. Consider throwing a "prom party" for yourself. Drew Barrymore and Taylor Swift both famously did this (Swift also went as a "prom date" for a football player who won a contest). Sure, it might a little self-absorbed, and will probably be expensive, but if it will give you closure, and it's within your means to do so, then go right ahead. Most people who do this tend to either hold it at a community center or make arrangements to rent out the local high school gymnasium during the summer. If you really have money to burn, you can rent a hotel ballroom (like a lot of high schools do now anyway), hire an event planning service to do all the work for you, and make it extremely realistic. You can even have yourself crowned "prom king" or "prom queen" if you are really feeling self-indulgent (hey, it's okay if you're paying for the party, right?)
  2. Find and attend an "Adult Prom." Before you get creeped out by the terminology, NO, an "adult prom" is NOT an X-rated version of a prom. It's a party that exactly resembles a prom, but marketed toward adults who are either looking to re-live their prom night, or make up for a missed prom. They often go out of their way to be realistic, even crowning a "king and queen", You can also do an Internet search on "adult prom" to see what the options are in your area.
  3. If you live in or near a film production city, consider trying to get a job as an extra in a movie with a prom scene. Before you cross this off as a completely ludicrous idea, consider the following. Movies with prom scenes are typically shot at least 20 times a year in cities with film industries. This works best if you can reasonably pass for prom age, and/or if you'd be willing to play a "faculty" extra rather than a "student" extra. It's also only really an option if you live in or near a city where films are regularly produced (i.e. New York, Los Angeles, Toronto, Vancouver) Keep in mind that auditions probably won't be held during prom season - prom's a popular topic, and a movie that is released in the spring, in time for "prom season" is usually shot 6 to 18 months ahead of release.

"Prom Crashing" - Going to an Actual Prom

  1. If your high school holds an "alumni prom", attend that. Some high schools hold special "alumni proms" (not to be confused with reunions) as fundraisers - alumni and faculty are allowed to attend. These events are usually semi-formal to formal.
  2. Attend your high school's upcoming prom if they will allow you to. Some high schools allow alumni to attend prom if they wish to do so. Others may require a little coaxing (usually in the form of a donation). Late Wendy's founder Dave Thomas had dropped out of school to serve in the military, but later got his GED 35 years later, and went to his high school's next prom with his wife that year. Many schools not only allow, but encourage alumni to attend future proms. Don't expect to be crowned king or queen - you won't be eligible, and even if you were, would that really be fair to this year's class? - but at least you'll have a prom. This option will work best if you have a really good reason for having missed your prom (military service, etc.), and/or if you are in the financial position to make a reasonable donation to the school. Some schools don't care as long as you buy a prom ticket.
  3. Go to someone else's prom as their date. Taylor Swift famously did this (in addition to having a "prom party" thrown for her after her first record went #1) and it was even the subject of an MTV reality show, where dateless high school boys were offered a chance to have her as their prom date. Now, unless you're famous, you won't be able to have your own reality TV show to find someone to take you to prom with them...but there are other ways to go to someone else's prom as their date. There are actually websites such as Prom Date Depot (www.promdatedepot.com) which allow people to find or become prom dates. Note - You may need to get special permission from the school in advance, and should always inquire with the school regarding their policy about prom guests. This may not be an option if you're older than about 20-24.
  4. Volunteer to be a prom chaperone. Granted, this is not the same as actually going to your own prom, but high schools need chaperones at every prom, every year. Prom chaperones are responsible adults who attend the prom with the students to ensure the safety of the students attending, as well as to prevent improper conduct. You won't be all that popular, and forget about being crowned king or queen, but you'll be at a prom. Chaperones are typically parents of students and/or alumni, but most high schools will gladly take any extra volunteers for chaperones they can get. If you have a clean record, this might be a viable option for you.

Alternate Ideas

  1. Rent or buy formal attire for you and your "date", and go out to dinner and a dance during "prom season". Don't worry what other people think, or if they stare at you. You're not doing anything wrong or breaking any laws. As a really cool alternative, travel to someplace spectacular like Las Vegas or Times Square to do this. You might just find you're not the only couple re-creating your prom night...
  2. Have yourself and your sweetheart photographed as 'prom king' and 'prom queen'. You can probably get a crown, tiara, and two sashes on eBay for a under $50 if you're really good, and easily for less than $100 even if you're not the savviest shopper. Find some formal attire at the secondhand store. Get dressed up in some formal attire, and have a photographer take some pictures of you and your "sweetheart" in a professional picture.
  3. If you're a woman and live in the U.S. or Canada, enter a pageant. A lot of organizations, both for-profit companies and non-profit organizations, host pageants where women of all ages compete for a crown. Did you know that several Miss Americas never went to their proms?



Tips

  • If you are re-creating a prom for yourself, consider hiring an event planner if you can afford to do so. It could be expensive (potentially thousands of dollars) but it will make your "prom" very realistic. In the novel Nobody's Property, the main character's grandmother, an event planner, jokes in one chapter about having put her youngest daughter through college by re-creating proms for people who were regretful about missing theirs, but in reality, any event planner worth their salt should be able to re-create a prom without much difficulty.
  • Going to an actual prom will seem more realistic if you did not graduate more than 5 years ago.
  • Also, if you are re-creating a prom, try to hold it in a realistic venue. Clearly, the grand ballroom at the Marriott is going to be out of most people's budgets, but many high schools will let you rent out their gym reasonably, especially during the summer months. Some municipalities also have community centers that will work just fine. Generally these run a per-hour or per-day rental rate. In the area of at least one contributor (as of 2016) average daily rental is about $50 to $200 per day for such a space.
  • Recreating a prom will feel more realistic if you are 30 or younger. This does NOT mean you can't still have one and have fun, though...

Warnings

  • You may be teased or even ridiculed by your friends and family if you plan to recreate or crash a prom. Don't worry about what friends say - they might make some fun of you (it should never be too mean), but if they are truly your friends, they will not be too mean or disrespectful to you about it.
  • It's okay to re-create missed experiences, within reason, but don't spend so much of your life dwelling on the past that you forget to live in the present, or you will miss out on even more experiences.
  • If you are going the "chaperone" route, check out the article on How to Chaperone a Prom beforehand!
  • While it is perfectly okay to attempt to recreate missed experiences, don't dwell on every missed experience in life, or you will miss out on even more of things out of life.
  • Please DON'T force or guilt-trip your son/daughter take you to their prom as their date. If he/she invites you and was planning to arrange to take you anyway, that's one thing (and very sweet of him/her), but if not, is it really worth ruining his/her experience too, just to be able to say you finally got your second chance? There are other ways.
  • If you truly feel you must go to an actual prom for closure, don't "date down" below age 18 (or below the legal adult age in your jurisdiction) because that is just too risky of a false accusation of "statutory rape."
  • Did you miss the prom because the person you were going with changed his or her mind? It happens far more than you realize. If it's still a painful memory, write them a letter -- but don't mail it. Write down all the things you lacked the courage to say back then. "I was completely serious when I asked you to the prom. Why did you think I was 'just kidding'?" Let it all out, but again, don't mail the letter. Hopefully, you will feel better once you've gotten it off your chest.
  • Of you decide to go to someone else's prom as their date, Make sure you get special permission from the school if you are not a current student. Even if you are alumni, and especially if you are over 20 years of age.
  • Bear in mind that re-creating a prom may not seem entirely realistic, especially if you are over age 25.
  • Not all high schools will allow students to bring non-students as "dates" to the prom, except in extenuating circumstances (such as the kid who took his 90-year-old grandmother)

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