Get to Know a Girl at School You Don't Know

Getting to know a girl can be a little tricky, but school gives you the opportunity to see her frequently and in a relaxed environment. The most important thing is to start talking to her. You can say hi, try to sit by her in class, and ask her for a small favor like borrowing a pen. As you get more comfortable, ask her good questions and remember what she says, compliment her, and eventually ask her out.

Steps

Making Initial Contact

  1. Start saying hello regularly. One benefit of being in school together is that you will most likely see the girl on a regular basis. The best way to initiate a relationship is to start saying hello when you see her. Get in the habit of being friendly and greeting her when you see her.[1]
    • It’s impossible to get to know someone if you never talk to them. And you usually won’t have an extended conversation on the first try. Start small with consistent greetings and build up to talking for longer.
    • A good addition is to greet her using her name when you see her. Using someone’s name creates a stronger bond of acquaintance, and you will make her feel valued.
  2. Walk to class with her. School is regimented into chunks of time, so you have to work with that. A great opportunity that you may have is walking to class together. If you have the same class or classes that are in the same direction, you can ask to walk with her.
    • This gives you a chance to talk a little bit but it’s a short amount of time so it might not get awkward. Talking for three minutes in the early stages of a friendship makes it easier.
    • If you are able, you may even walk out of your way to have some time with her. You don’t want to be late to class, but if you have time it might be worth it to walk extra.
  3. Pass her a note in the hallway. You may feel too shy to start talking to her out of nowhere, but writing a brief note is easy. You can write something simple like “Hey Devon, I hope you have a great day today!” This simple note will show her that you are interested.[2]
    • If you never see her, or you are too shy to hand it to her yourself, you can always get a mutual friend or one of her friends to give her the note.
    • This is a fairly low-commitment way to show a girl that you are interested. If she wants to respond, she can easily write you a note back, but if she doesn’t want to talk you won’t be rejected to your face.
    • Notes are a great way to start talking more often, because you don’t need to have as much face to face time. Passing notes to each other for a while is less pressure than sitting and talking at first.
  4. Use class time to get closer to her. If you have class together, and you are allowed to pick your seat each day, you should do your best to sit by her. This will give you the chance to have a few moments of small talk throughout class.
    • You could say hi at the beginning of class, make a brief comment in the middle, and tell her goodbye when class is over.
    • If there is ever a chance to work with a partner on homework or a project, take the chance to ask if she would like to work together. Even if you don’t know each other yet, it is a low pressure and structured way to spend time with her.
    • Don’t talk to her during class if your teacher is strict because getting her in trouble is not a good way to make her want to get to know you.
  5. Ask her for a small favor. When you are in class with her or you see her in the hallways or around school somewhere else, ask her to help you with something simple. Maybe you could ask to look at her notes for a class, ask if she has a pen you could borrow briefly, or even ask her an answer on some homework you had.[3]
    • Rather than trying to start a conversation with no real purpose except talking to her, asking for a small favor will get her invested in you right from the start. It also makes it so your interaction has a clear ending, so once it is over you can say “Thanks. See ya later!”
    • The range of simple favors you can ask is almost endless, but do be careful that you don’t ask something too extensive. You don’t want the favor to inconvenience her. An example of a favor that might be too much is asking her to buy your lunch.
    • If she completely ignores you or says she doesn’t want to help, this is probably a sign that talking to her further is not in your best interest.

Building a Connection

  1. Give her a compliment. On some of the occasions when you say hi to her, give her a simple compliment. Don’t over-exaggerate the compliment. Giving her a compliment will show her that you are interested in her a little more than other people.[4]
    • For example, if you are in class with her, say, “Hey that was an impressive answer you gave today.” Compliments that focus on more than just looks are often appreciated.
    • Give the compliment in a friendly, light-hearted way and not in an intense or over enthusiastic way. You don’t want the compliment to come on too strong or sound insincere. For example, don’t say, “Great job cheerleading last night. I couldn’t stop staring at you!”
    • Don’t overdo it on the frequency that you compliment her. Say something genuine every few days rather than multiple times in one day.
  2. Ask good questions. You can ask simple questions like, “What are you doing this weekend?” but it is also good to ask deeper or more interesting questions like, “Where is the coolest place you have traveled?” or “What famous person would you want to have dinner with?”[5]
    • You can use questions to move from acquaintances to friends by slowly increasing how personal your questions are. At the beginning, you can ask fun ones like the ones above. Later, you can ask things like, “What are some things that scare you?” or “What makes you happy?”
    • Ask her what things she likes to do outside of school. Ask her what she thinks of recent news or topics that are going around. Ask her if she has thought about what she wants to do when she graduates from school.
    • Asking good questions helps you learn more about her, but it also sets you apart from other people because it shows you are interested in her thoughts and not just interested in her beauty.
  3. Make eye contact when you talk to her. Getting to know someone requires that you pay attention to them when they talk, and eye contact is a good way to show you are listening. Eye contact also shows confidence. A decent rule is to keep eye contact 50% of the time. Too much will come across too strong.[6]
    • Make eye contact while she is talking to you as well as when you are talking to her.
    • Eye contact is not the same as staring. Let your eyes bounce from hers to something else in the distance and back. Also, do your best not to stare at her body while she is talking as this can make you seem aggressive.
  4. Refer back to things that she has told you. After you ask her some good questions and listen to what she is saying, you can show her that you care about her thoughts by remembering what she tells you. If she says she is visiting her grandparents over the weekend, ask her on Monday how the visit went. If she tells you she is in a play, ask her how rehearsals are going.
    • This is another point where the opportunities are endless. If the girl plays sports or is on an academic team, ask her how a recent competition went. If she tells you a band that she loves, listen to some of the music and talk to her about it.
    • When she tells you something, write it down so you can reference it when you forget later on. This will help ensure that you remember exactly what she actually told you about.
    • If she tells you about a TV show she likes or an upcoming event of some kind, you could watch it or go to it and then that will give you something else that you can talk about.
  5. Ask her out. Ultimately, if you want to get to know a girl better, you need to find a way to spend some time with her outside of school. You don’t have to ask her on a “date,” but you need to ask her if she wants to do something together. It could be going to a sporting event, going for a walk at the park, or getting ice cream.
    • Knowing when to ask a girl out is never easy. You may only need to talk to her a few times for her to be ready, or you may need to be friends for a month. Pay attention to how she responds to you as you talk and then put yourself out there.
    • Make sure you are both clear on whether or not what you are doing is a date. You can ask her specifically if she wants to go on a date, or you can leave it more general and ask if she wants to hang out. Either way, you should clarify before you meet if it is a date or not.

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.primermagazine.com/2014/learn/the-simple-secret-to-talking-to-women-say-hello
  2. ↑ http://www.aish.com/d/w/15-Ways-to-Show-Someone-Youre-Interested.html
  3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/break-the-ice-how-talk-girls-and-guys-0
  4. ↑ http://www.thedatereport.com/dating/advice/2057-how-to-compliment-a-woman-7-things-every-guy-should-know/
  5. ↑ http://www.mantelligence.com/good-questions-to-ask-to-get-to-know-someone/
  6. ↑ http://theartofcharm.com/flirting-and-attraction/let-body-talking/
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