Make Friends in Your New Neighborhood

Making new friends in a new neighborhood can be intimidating. Others have established their social structure without you, and you're the outsider. With time, patience, and a little care you'll meet people and fit in.

Steps

Meeting the immediate neighbors

  1. Approach someone you think you'd like to make friends with. Your immediate neighbors are the perfect people to begin with, then you can expand out further later.
  2. Introduce yourself. Say: "Hi, I'm ___. What's your name?". That is simple enough. Pay attention and repeat back the name of the person you are meeting, and try to remember his or her name.
  3. Make simple conversation. Compliment what they're wearing, or comment on the weather. This sort of small talk is often good for getting people warmed up.
  4. Show who you are. Remember, you are just as strange to your new community as they are strange to you. A little self-expression and outward good humor can go a long way toward breaking down that barrier.
  5. Bring something to share. Have a story or joke handy, or learn to make some simple gifts to hand around. Learn to make a cool paper airplane, a yarn doll, a friendship bracelet, or a friendship pin, or an interesting piece of origami. Bring in a favorite thing to share, such as a comic book. Food is also a good choice. Regardless of what you decide to share, it will help to open people up if you are willing to give something first.
  6. Listen. Listening to others is a good way to learn the community and start to understand the people in it. You may hear others talking about people who interest you. Ask if you can be introduced.
    • Jump into the conversation if you have something to add. Say, "Hey, I notice you were talking about ___." Then say what you have to say.

Meeting people in the wider neighborhood or local area

  1. Find groups, organizations, and meeting places. These can be schools (your own or your children's), clubs, public classes, or events. You may need to ask around a little bit to find out where your new community posts local announcements.
  2. Join groups. Ask around about sports teams, book clubs, volunteer organizations, and anything else that interests you. Having a common cause tends to unite people, and many organizations welcome new members.
  3. Sign up on Meetup.com. Find groups based on shared interests and form offline clubs in your local community.
  4. Go out. Probably people in your neighborhood are outdoors at some time during the day, perhaps in the afternoons when school is out. You won't meet new friends if you're just watching TV or at home in front of the computer, so get out there.
  5. Invite people over. Meet with one or two people at a time, or have a housewarming party or larger get-together.
  6. Meet people via your children. If you have children, that's another neat way to find other parents at your child's school or after-school activities. Very often schools send out e-mail directories of their students' contact information for playdates and birthday parties.
  7. Walk the dog. If you have a dog, that's a wonderful ice-breaker. It is heart-warming to watch pet owners swapping stories while their dogs yap away at each other in their own lingo.
  8. Try work or your place of worship for new friends. Local friends can be found at your place of worship or work.
  9. Join a book club or library-promoted activity. Most libraries have book clubs, meditation classes and other fun activities for adults. Regular attendance at these events can definitely lead to some great friendships forming.
  10. Say hi when out shopping. Meet locals at the supermarket, box stores, etc. Go on to form friendships from there. Never underestimate the power of the Big Box Store to bring unexpected joy into your life, apart from savings and coupons!
  11. Volunteer. Volunteering is another way to meet people - ask your place of worship or your children's school if they need a pair of extra hands to help out events and they will gladly to take you aboard in these times of budget cutbacks. Area museums, hospitals, food banks, libraries, etc., also need volunteers and they provide orientation sessions for new volunteers. You might get free parking as a perk!

Things that help people warm to you

  1. Acknowledge that you're new and say where you're from. Sometimes, that's all it takes to get people's attention or perhaps catch their interest, especially if you're from someplace distant or interesting.
  2. Look for common interests. As soon as you start talking to somebody, be on the lookout for similar interests to yours. Does he like to listen to music? Who? Who's her favorite author? Do you play sports? It doesn't have to be an exact match, just common ground you can use to start a conversation.
  3. Take the initiative. If you see someone who seems bored, lonely, or unhappy, ask what's up and whether you can help.
    • Be approachable. Others might just come to you.
    • Be positive. Even if you're not completely at home yet, try to be confident, outgoing, and reasonably cheerful. Remember, you can't score if you don't shoot.
  4. Ask questions. If you're new somewhere, you probably have every reason to ask people to help you find your way. Where are the restrooms? The parks? The good shops? What restaurants, schools, teachers, clubs, or programs should you check out? You'll not only get good, inside information, you'll start conversations. People love to share their opinions.
  5. Offer a compliment. Anything from, "Cool shirt, where did you get it?" to "I've really enjoyed talking to you" can be just the amount of encouragement someone needs to remember to talk to you again. Be casual, and don't go overboard. Just drop in a sincere compliment whenever it seems fitting.
  6. Be kind. Buy a drink for the next person in line at the drink machine. Offer to help if you see someone working or struggling with something. It's amazing how quickly offering to help can break down barriers. Or, try volunteering some of your time with any community organization that needs it.
  7. Have some fun. If people see you having fun, they might be inclined to join you.

Tips

  • Keep in touch with old friends, too. Is there somebody back home who would love to get a phone call or email? They'll keep your spirit up while you're still getting a feel for your new place.
  • Make friends with newcomers. Once you've established, take the time to welcome others who join your neighborhood or community. Introduce them to others, show them around, and help them find their own places. Even if you don't end up good friends, you'll feel good knowing that somebody else's transition was a little easier.
  • Don't rule out anybody, especially not before you get to know them. You may find that your best friends aren't the popular ones. You may find that your best friends are older or younger than you, or from different cultures or backgrounds. Keep an open mind, respect differences (different does not mean bad), and treat everyone courteously.
  • Be open to differences and different people. This is a new neighborhood and a blank slate, so this is a good time to try new things. Who knows? You might just hit it off with somebody you don't expect.
  • Be patient. Friendships don't necessarily form overnight. It may take your new community a bit of time to warm up to you.
  • Build respect and trust with friends, and remember that it must go both ways.
  • Don't force it, and don't force anybody. Friendship is something that happens naturally, over time. There may be some trial and error before you find the right people.
  • Check the local message boards in community access areas for announcements of things that might interest you.
  • If you see a neighbor outside ask to play or hang out with them.

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