Give a Man Hug
The modern world is a complex place for many men. You are expected to be in touch with your feminine side, but never to the point that it compromises your masculinity. And to make things even more confusing, along comes the "man hug" -- an unabashed show of affection to your fellow men. If you don't hug, you may be accused of not being secure in your sexuality. But if you're not used to hugging other men, it might feel awkward and uncomfortable. Here are some guidelines to approaching the man hug, applicable only to those who've ever been unsure of how to go about giving one.
Steps
- Consider the occasion and the relationship in determining when to hug. Generally, the closer your relationship and/or the more monumental the event, the greater the likelihood that a hug will be appropriate. Otherwise, a handshake will usually do the trick.
- When congratulating a close friend on getting engaged, becoming a father or even securing a promotion, a hug will be in order.
- When meeting someone for the first time, unless it's the biological twin brother you never knew you had, a hug might not be well-received.
- Be aware of social customs in certain cultures. The manner and timing of a man hug can vary broadly across cultural boundaries. Some cultures are much friendlier and more affectionate than others. It's wise to be cognizant of how certain cultures lay out the rules for greeting and meeting, so that you're not taken off guard or misinterpreted, but any such guidelines can be quickly overridden by your own observations about a person as an individual (e.g. a particularly friendly man from a not-so-affectionate culture might still be offended if you don't return a hug).
- Duke University professor of black popular culture Mark Anthony Neal describes the "hip-hop hug" he gives to other African American friends: "a handshake, you pull yourselves together, and you bump." He states that this is a more recent social custom, as older African American men prefer only handshakes.
- In some countries, like Japan, bowing is generally more accepted than touching.
- Approach with a flexible stance, one that allows you to fall back on a handshake if you find that the other man has no intention of giving a hug. If you're walking towards someone and you're having a hard time judging whether they'll want a hug or simply a handshake, you can put one hand forward for a handshake and lift the other arm to either give a hug (if they lean in for one) or simply pat them on the upper arm or shoulder (if they remain distant).
- Hug in the "A-frame" position, where the only body contact is in the shoulders. Having the handshake between you provides a physical barrier that can help to prevent someone from feeling that you're being too affectionate. Your right hand will go over their shoulder, with your head going to the left of theirs. Keep you head level and facing forwards. Looking down, or turning towards your mate may be interpreted as affectionate nuzzling.
- The pat. This is the crucial part of a man hug, separating it from a traditional cuddle. With your left hand pat your buddy 3 or 4 times on the back. This demonstrates you are still men - you may be affectionate but you can still dish out some pain. If you still feel this is too effeminate for you then give a light, double punch instead of a pat.
- Hold the hug briefly. In studies conducted by Kory Floyd at Arizona State University, it was observed that hugs rarely last more than two seconds before one of the huggers or other men observing the hug begin to feel uncomfortable.
- The break. While you are giving the final pat, break. Lift your hands smartly away, don't slide them over your buddy in a lingering manner. This may confuse them, and you. Alternatively you could finish by gripping your friends firmly on the upper arms and saying something celebratory. 'Well Done Colin", "Congratulations", or "Great to see you again" are all good. This makes the reason for the hug clear and finishes it succinctly. Another great option is to throw a few playful sparring punches at each other. Add a growly cheer to this and you are home and dry, like a big cuddly bear.
- Now return to whatever you were doing before the hug. Don't feel the need to cough, avoid eye contact, or scratch yourself. You are still firmly a man -- but one who is not afraid of showing their emotions. Mission accomplished.
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Sources and Citations
- How to Give a Great Man to Man Hug from VideoJug, used with permission.
- The Denver Post: Men are hugging men more, but rules aren't always clearly defined
