Go from Dating to Being Friends Again
Sometimes we meet someone and become friends with them. We then develop feelings for each other and go on to date them. But what happens when it just doesn't work out? Do we have to lose that person from our lives forever? Not necessarily if the friendship was based on trust and respect. Read the steps below to try to go back to "The Friend Zone".
Steps
- Minimize contact. After the breakup it is necessary to minimize contact for awhile. This does not mean that you should completely ignore the person, as it will lead to hurt feelings. Instead try to create some space and time, so you both can heal. But if something (not break up related) comes up, feel free to share it with them. This way you are maintaining a dynamic without the intensity.
- Put away items that remind you of the person. If that is not possible, try to attach a positive emotion to it, but instead of a romantic one, try to think of it as something a friend or family member would have given you. This will also help with shifting your feelings for the person.Take some time for yourself to go through both the good and the bad moments together. Really decide if this person is someone who you want to be friends with. If you truly feel that you do want to be ONLY friends, then you should re-establish contact again. During this time work on yourself too and do things that make you happy.
- Discuss how much time the two of you won't be in contact for one another. It is important to find a time frame that works for both of you. When that time is up, make contact with the other person (decide who will contact whom), and carefully ask them how they are doing. If either of you needs more time, then give it.
- If either of you decides to date someone new, and you do want to maintain a friendship with them, then let them know what is happening. Don't let them find out from someone else, because that will definitely be the end of the friendship. But you must also realize that just because you were friends before, you can not discuss the details of your new relationship with them, as it would hurt too much. You may find you will never be able to do this again without jealousy coming from one of you.
- Despite your best efforts, you may find that a friendship isn't possible for months, or possibly ever again. It takes time to heal, so keep that in mind. All you can do is be patient. But you may find that you have both grown apart, or don't have anything left to give. If that the case, then that is okay. Just remember the good times, what you've learned, and move on. Sometimes the best thing really is to let go, and let other opportunities come your way.
Tips
- If things ended mutually or positively, then the chances of staying friends is higher.
- Time does heal a lot of wounds, so be patient.
- Remember that you should treat others the way you want to be treated.
- If you have mutual friends, try to see them separately to your ex for awhile.
- Love him enough so that he is happy even without you. Trust that no matter how you felt, your feelings were valid and even if it was only a second of happiness, it was worth it.
- Don't pretend you are over them if you aren't. Trying to lock those feelings up will only make things worse.
