Help Your Toddler Make Friends

Though your own relationship with your toddler is vitally important, helping them build friendships with other children is also crucial. Perhaps your toddler is shy or nonsocial, or just doesn’t interact much with other children. Regardless of your circumstances, you can help your child develop friendships through tweaking your parenting, providing them opportunities for play, and creating an environment conducive to friendship making.

Steps

Providing Opportunities for Play

1. Start slow. If your child has not had much interaction with other children, consider having just one playmate at a time. This will allow them to acclimate to playing with others before you introduce more children to the mix. Once your child has demonstrated that they can play well, you can have up to four playmates at a time.
2. Pick the most appropriate time of day. You will want to ensure that your child has the most positive experience possible while at play. Avoid scheduling a playdate during your child’s regular nap time. Schedule it after they have had their nap and a snack so they will be at their best.
3. Schedule playdates. The easiest way to ensure that your toddler begins building friendships is to schedule playdates for them. Reach out to your friends with children to set up times to play. If any of your neighbors have children, set up playdates with them. This will give you an opportunity to make new friends, too.
   • Consider scheduling at least one playdate per week for your child.
4. Consider daycare or preschool. Daycare or preschool is also a great option to ensure that your child is getting lots of social interaction with other kids. Some daycares will allow you to sign up for part-time care if you are not open to your child being there full-time.
   • This is also a way for your child to meet friends who they can have playdates with.
5. Expand your child’s network of potential friends. If you don’t know many others who have children, you can join some parent-child classes in order to meet other parents in the area. Take your baby to the park to see if you can make any connections with other parents there. See if your coworkers have children, too.
6. Encourage the children to play by joining them. If your child is shy, it might take a while for them to become comfortable about playing with another child. However, you can encourage play by joining the children on the floor with another parent. Chat with that parent so your child sees how you are interacting, and perhaps they will mimic you and your tone.
   • By modeling positive social behavior, you can show your toddler that interacting with other people can be fun.
7. Vary the ages of those they play with. Though you will want your toddler to make friends with other toddlers as well, know that it is okay and even healthy for them to interact with those who are younger and older than them. Interacting with younger children will give them more opportunities to show empathy and caretaking skills. Older children can help them learn new skills and can serve as role models for them.

Assessing and Altering Your Parenting

1. Be authoritative, not authoritarian. Children with authoritative parents fare better in making friends than those with a more aggressive parenting style. Do not attempt to control your child’s every move, or else they will look to you for approval for even the smallest of tasks and they will have a hard time trusting themselves. Set limits with your children and have rational discussions with them. Avoid harsh punishments.
   • An example of a rational discussion might be “Ben, do not throw your food on the floor. This makes a mess and mommy has to clean it. If you do it again, I will put you in timeout.”
   • Explain things to your toddler so they can understand and correct their behavior, rather than just getting immediately punished.
2. Speak to them politely. Sometimes, your children might frustrate you, but you do not want to teach them bad habits that they could carry into their adult lives. Speak kindly to them so they will know how to speak to their potential friends.
   • An example of speaking kindly would be to say “Josie, I know you are frustrated because you can’t have a cookie, but you cannot hit me, no matter how mad you are.” Keep an even, gentle tone when saying this.
   • An example of how NOT to speak in this instance would be “JOSIE! YOU ARE SUCH A BAD LITTLE GIRL! Never hit me again or I will hit you back!”
   • Avoid criticizing your child at all costs because they will not understand that the behavior was bad, they will just think that they are bad.
   • Avoid yelling or raising your voice often. Do not curse at your children.
3. Teach empathy. Children who are more empathetic find it easier to make friends than those who are more self-centered. Help your child develop a more people-focused approach and teach them that not everything is always about them. A few ways that you can teach them empathy are:
   • Caring for their emotional needs; help soothe them when they are upset, but also allow them to soothe themselves occasionally
   • Showing sympathy and concern for others
   • Showing them physical affection
   • Showing positive interactions with others around you, including your partner or spouse
4. Model conflict resolution when they are at play. Begin showing your toddler how to manage conflicts on their own by giving them the tools to do so. Helping them to build friendships won’t mean much to them unless you show them how to manage any issues that arise. Don’t force them to apologize, but do apologize for them so they learn that this is the right thing to do when they have hurt someone.
   • For instance, if your child has made another child cry, say “Angela is crying because you took the toy from her. Angela, I’m sorry that Michael took the toy from you.”
   • Allow the toddlers to work out things on their own if the situation is minor and no one is getting hurt.
5. Call your friends “friends”. In order to help your child develop friendships, you will want them to understand what a friend is. When you are with your friends, call them your friends so your child can begin to understand that concept. When your toddler is with a friend of theirs, they should call them their friend.
   • For instance, you might say “Monica is mommy’s friend, and Joanie is your friend.”

Selecting the Right Environment and Toys

1. Don’t force them to play. You'll want to ensure that you are establishing an environment that is ideal for your toddler to feel comfortable and happy. Even if you have set up a playdate and the other child is friendly, don’t force your child to play. You can try to encourage them by playing with them or addressing any of their immediate concerns like having to go potty, but don’t make them play if they are not in the mood.
2. Double up on toys. Though your toddler may be very social, remember that a lot of children have difficulty sharing. If possible, put out two of each toy so that each child can have the same item to play with. This can cut down on a lot of potential arguments or tantrums.
   • You can also provide large toys. Your toddler will be able to share this toy with another toddler. This might be a set of building blocks or a swing set in your backyard.
   • Consider mixing the toys altogether. Allow your children to freely play without much structure.
   • Avoid introducing your child’s favorite toy to the mix unless they are typically a good sharer.
3. Find group activities, instead of toys they play with individually. Group activities will give your child a chance to interact with other children. You can also help your toddler make friends by providing activities during their playdates. Perhaps you'll want to set up a mini soccer arena for them in your house or backyard, or a painting studio for them to create art.
   • This will help even the shyest child interact more.
4. Go to the park or on a walk. Most children benefit from having some outdoor time each day. Schedule your child’s playdate at a park, or consider going on a walk with the children. Your toddler will have fun and you will be able to get a bit of exercise in.

Sources and Citations

See also

• Entertain a Toddler
• Stay Calm During Toddler Temper Tantrums
• Deal with Toddlers Who Touch Themselves
• Keep Your Toddler Safe in a Swing
• Entertain a One Year Old
• Babysit a Toddler
• Get a Child to Stop Sucking Fingers
• Cut a Toddler's Hair
• Help a Toddler Adjust to Preschool
• Travel by Plane with an Infant or Toddler

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