Keep Your Friend from Driving Drunk

Stopping a friend from driving under the influence of alcohol may be one of the most important decisions you ever make. However, it's not always easy or possible to convince an inebriated buddy to take necessary caution. Here are some steps you can take to try reasoning with your drunk friend, and some measures to take even if you can't quite see eye to eye. What matters most of all is that you can spot a dangerous situation and take action, even if it means making decisions on your friend's behalf.

Steps

Talking Your Drunk Friend out of Driving

1. Take action early. Don’t wait until the end of the night when your friend might be tired and belligerent enough not to listen to you. If you can tell that your friend is well on his way to drunkenness and characteristically fails to see that he needs to relinquish his keys, act early on so that you don't make a scene or cause unnecessary conflict.
   • The worst thing that could happen is that you were a bit too cautious and end up returning the keys with a laugh to your now-sober buddy.
2. Tell your friend not to drive anywhere. You may need to be more assertive than you're used to, and even handle accusations that you're spoiling the fun or trying to be controlling. Be prepared to be talked back to, and don't take rude charges personally. Remembering that it's the alcohol talking, stay polite and calm. Tell your friend that you care about him and that this is why you must try to prevent him from creating a situation where he or others are in harm's way.
   • Always refuse to get in the car with your friend. This can be another gesture to show him that you are serious about not trusting his ability to operate a vehicle.
   • If the situation allows for it, pepper your talk with some jokes or light comments. While firmly maintaining that he not drive, you can still say things like "Man, we'll be talking about this night for a long time!" or "Good thing I'm just as stubborn about this as you are!" This will make you sound a little less insistent and parental.
   • If there is someone else around who is a closer friend to your buddy than you are, inform them of the possible danger. Your friend might listen better to someone who he is more comfortable with or has known for a longer time.
3. Be firm. You may not be sure whether or not you are getting through to your friend, but it is important to stick by your warning. Ask your friend to repeat back to you what you said to make sure that they have a minimal grasp on what's going on. For example, "I am asking that you not get in the car right now, and we are willing to help you make other transportation arrangements. Do you understand?" If your friend tries to shrug off your concern, don't let up--keep giving any arguments or reasons you can come up with to convince him not to get in the car.
   • Speak softly and calmly to punctuate to give your firm warning a smooth, clear delivery.
   • Steer clear from saying anything embarrassing or belittling to avoid drama and possible physical conflict. For example, don't say "it's such a drag that you can never hold your liquor". Instead try something like "we all want to see you leaving this party safely".
   • Resist your friend’s alternative suggestions, like drinking some coffee or taking a cold shower first. These methods don’t work to get alcohol out of your system.
     • If these options are discussed, remind you friend that even if these make him feel confident enough to drive, he could still get a DUI just because of the amount of alcohol still in his system.
4. Remember who you’re talking to. Because the friend you’re trying to convince is in fact inebriated, make sure that you speak slowly and explain things very clearly. Try to do this while also avoiding sounding too condescending. If he feels talked down to, he may feel too proud to take your advice.
   • Don't get swept up trying to make sure that your friend listens to and heeds everything you're saying. The point is not to be right or to get your way, but to prevent drunk driving by any means, with as little conflict as possible.
   • Instead of making assumptions, as in the argument, "Come on, man, you know the law..." say something like "You know, driving when you've had so much to drink is illegal and could get you in serious trouble. Even if it seems like you're driving fine, the cops set up road blocks on heavy party nights. The cops could give you a breathalyzer test when they see your eyes or smell your breath. You could get a DUI, get your car towed away, and lose your license. Then you're looking at penalties and jail time even for the first offense. It's not worth it, man."
5. Lay your feelings on the line. Sometimes the best way to get through to someone who's very drunk is simply to have one of those soul-bearing talks. Sit your friend down and show that you intend to say something very important. Tell him as sincerely as possible how much you care about him and how special he is to you.
   • Let him know that it would destroy you to know that you could have prevented a major accident, and this is your best shot. Express your love and concern, pulling from a real place of worry for your friend.
   • Say something sincere, like "Look, buddy, we've been friends for a long time and I've grown to care about you too much to see you hurt yourself."
6. Get support from others. Sometimes convincing your friend alone just isn't going to happen, and providing a strong coalition of sober people might help persuade him not to drive. This way, even if you can't get your friend to see reason, there will be enough people committed to the cause to make sure that he is restrained somehow. However, force should only be used as a last-ditch measure.
   • Be polite and honest when seeking the help of others. To avoid drama and embarrassing your inebriated friend, make sure to give a clear, unbiased account of what's going on. Explain that you are concerned for his safety and would like help making sure that he doesn't injure himself or others by trying to drive home.
   • Stay calm, but let whoever you ask for help know that you will see that drunk driving does not happen with or without the help that you are asking for.

Taking Preventive Steps With or Without Permission

1. Choose a designated driver. A designated driver takes the pressure off everyone for the night and introduces certainty as to who can and cannot drink. Try to work out a designated driver before all drinking starts, if possible. By accepting responsibility in advance, you do your friend a huge favor and, in turn, your friend can take on the burden another time.
2. Take away the keys. Hiding your friends keys may be a solid route to take if you are unable to convince him not to drive by talking it out. This can be done a few different ways. You can try to make an excuse to your friend directly, by saying that you need to get something from the car or use it to run a quick errand. Consider the following tricks, too:
   • Tell your friend that you need their car to go to the liquor store. Depending on how drunk your friend is, he will likely forget soon after. Even if you tell your friend that you changed your mind and won't go, avoid bringing up the keys that are now in your possession.
   • Or, simply be patient until your friend is distracted talking to someone else and find his keys. Hide them, but don't forget to keep track of where they are!
   • If you do get the keys, consider moving the car to a spot that is not easily visible. This way, even if you cannot convince your friend not to drive, he will get frustrated from not being able to find the car and hopefully give up his search until the next morning.
3. Call a cab. If it doesn't seem like a good option to keep your friend around or keep matters in your own hands, it may be in everybody's best interest to call a cab. Always pay for the cab in advance to avoid further complication, and make sure that the driver has explicit directions.
   • It's even better if you have the time to accompany your friend home to make sure they get back okay. Promising to accompany him before he leaves may even make him give in and accept the ride more easily.
   • Remember that even thought paying for cab fare may be expensive, it will always be cheaper than the cost of getting a DUI or dealing with the fallout of a car wreck.
4. Use public transit. If you know that your friend's house is accessible by public transportation, map the route there. Avoid routes with lots of walking, as it may be difficult to keep your friend moving. The more help you have, the better, so bring other willing friends on the journey to take your drunk friend home. If enough people come, he may even have fun along the way and any tension about not driving will dissipate quickly.
5. Initiate a slumber party. In many cases, the easiest thing to do is simply to entice your friend into staying the night at the house. If you're the host, this is no problem, but if you're elsewhere always make sure to get the necessary approval. Alternatively, you can invite your friend to come crash at your place when you leave instead of driving back home. For either possibility, use a good incentive like homemade breakfast burritos in the morning or the guarantee of a warm bed.
   • If there is a comfortable place to sleep, show your friend where it is. He may become totally convinced not to drive when faced with the reality of diving into that sweet, soft sleep spot.
6. Drive your friend and his car back home. If you drove to the party as well, get a sober friend to follow you in your car. This way you can return safely to the party. Your drunk friend gets to sleep in his own bed, with the car parked conveniently outside of his home. As a bonus, you'll spare him the potential embarrassment of having to show up at the scene of last night's party to retrieve his car.
   • If worse comes to worst, you can always call your parents, or even law enforcement, for a ride. While you may get flack from other party-goers for doing this, it is still better if the party is remembered for getting broken up rather than for a tragic drunk driving incident.

Tips

• If you’re hosting the party, make sure not to force drinks on others (who may just be accepting to be polite). Also, make sure to always have non-alcoholic drinks on hand, too.
• You might feel bossy, or nagging but really you are performing an important duty. You are being caring and insightful for recognizing that there is an issue that needs to be dealt with quickly to keep your friend safe.
• If trying to drive while drunk is repeat behavior on your friend's part, talk to them. Breaking the silence or taboo around drinking is vital to busting the myth that driving drunk is a personal choice that doesn't harm others.

Warnings

• Be extra vigilant during the holiday season.
• Drink responsibly and obey all local laws regarding alcohol consumption.

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Sources and Citations

See also

• Maintain Old Friendships
• Ask Someone if They're Okay
• Bring Food to a Friend in Need
• Quit Drinking Alcohol
• Stop Drinking Beer
• Prevent a Hangover
• Comfort Your Friend
• Help and Support a Friend Through Any Hardship
• Get Rid of a Hangover
• Be Friends with Someone Who Attempted Suicide

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• Take Care of a Drunk Person
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• Calculate Blood Alcohol Level
• Help a Friend Cope With Rejection
• Make Someone Feel Good About Bad Grades
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• Turn Down a Drink
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