Kick Out a Dangerous Roommate

If your roommate is violent or temperamental, you need to be careful when kicking them out of your home. Kicking out a dangerous roommate involves careful planning and awareness of you legal rights as far as your rental agreement goes. Then, depending on whether your roommate poses an imminent threat of physical violence or is only potentially dangerous, you can take different approaches to make sure that you no longer live together.

Steps

Assessing the Situation and your Rights

1. Take an objective look at what your roommate is capable of. When we share space with another person, it can be difficult to accurately judge what he/she is likely to do because we are so overcome with the feelings about him/her that have accumulated over time. Take stock of previous violent incidences that have occurred between you and your roommate. What did the worst fights you ever had look like? Was physical harm ever involved? Has your roommate ever stolen from you before in retaliation? It can help to write down dangerous or violent incidences in detail. This way, you can accurately determine what of the following you may need to do:
   • Get outside support, like police assistance and legal action, to oversee the eviction and move out. This will be useful if there is a real likelihood that your roommate will respond violently.
   • Take legal action to ensure that you have as little direct confrontation with your roommate as possible. These options will be best if avoidance seems like the best way to avoid a dangerous situation.
   • Attempt to talk to your roommate with civility about the need for him/her to leave. If the danger is that your roommate will act out of anger from not being spoken to directly, or he/she has not demonstrated much actual violence against you, try simply handling the situation on your own.
2. Document all threats and instances of violence. Regardless of how much legal action you decide to take with your roommate, good documentation of all instances of verbal and physical abuse will make any case stronger. Especially if you need a restraining order against your roommate, you will want to have clear evidence of the type of threat the he/she poses.
3. Determine whether or not you have legal right to evict.If your roommate is subletting a room or part of the apartment from you or if you are a designated master tenant on your lease, you have the legal right to evict your roommate. However, as a sublessor or master tenant, you must comply with the state laws throughout the eviction. This could require giving notice and holding a court hearing.
4. Consult your lease about co-tenancy liability. If the lease is in both your name and your roommate's name (as co-tenants), you cannot evict your roommate. You will have to resort to other methods, like contacting your landlord to enlist their help in evicting your roommate, as you have no legal right to do so.
   • If you're the primary lessee, and rent is your sole legal responsibility each month, your roommate has no legal right to live with you. This is unusual, but is sometimes the case between close friends or in last-minute living arrangements. If your roommate is not on the lease at all, kick him/her out according to your judgment of the danger you're in.
   • In most cases, renters have a joint lease where all tenants are responsible for paying the rent. The key term you're looking for is joint and/or several liability. If you're jointly liable, that means you're responsible for paying the full rent regardless of whether or not your roommate pays. If you're severally liable, you're only responsible for your portion of your rent. If you're jointly and severally liable, this is better than being jointly liable because while you're still responsible for any unpaid rent, you do have legal cause to sue your roommate for unpaid amounts.
5. Consult local and state tenant laws. Tenant laws vary with each state, and your local courts will have information on the specific steps that must be taken to evict your roommate. Be prepared with information from your lease to see exactly how these laws apply to your situation with your roommate. Do an Internet search for the name of your state plus "tenant handbook" to find this information or use this link. The handbook should have a section on your rights when renting with roommates that has detailed provisions for all kinds of offenses between roommates.
6. Inform your landlord about the situation. Tell your landlord that your roommate is dangerous and it is crucial that they be kicked out as soon as possible. If he/she is on the lease, it is up to your landlord to move the eviction forward. If your roommate has no formal responsibilities for the property, you can handle the situation without talking to your landlord about it.
   • Your landlord may need to file a criminal complaint for trespassing, although it may be easier for the landlord to just evict everyone in the rental unit, including you. Your landlord may or may not be willing to correct the eviction so that you can then move back in without the eviction showing on your record.
   • It can help to have a new tenant all lined up to move in so that your landlord knows that you will still be able to pay rent.
   • If your landlord is unsympathetic, it may be best to simply break the lease and move out yourself. There are usually significant fees for breaking a lease, but if your roommate is dangerous and you want to avoid getting authorities involved, it could be a good option.
7. Report your roommate to campus housing if you live in a college dorm. All colleges have different procedures, but all on-campus dormitories provide ways to get out of dangerous situations. Usually students can ask the resident adviser (RA) for the right steps to make the change. Check your college's residency handbook or online information about swapping roommates and reporting dangerous activity on campus (if necessary).

Kicking out a Moderately Dangerous Co-tenant

1. Plan a conversation about the issue. Taking into consideration your roommate's history of threats and abuses, think about the best approach to informing her that he/she needs to move out. Does your roommate require a no-nonsense approach, or might it be beneficial for you to leave more room to listen to his/her side of the story?
2. Consider mediation. Mediation is when a neutral third party steps in to aid communication between two disputants. In lieu of a professional mediator (usually someone with a legal background), try asking a capable friend or family member to hold court. Do remember, though, that mediation is not an opportunity to prove guilt or blame. Instead, mediate to make sure that each person understands what the other is saying and can be held responsible for that knowledge.
   • Try to decide in advance whether or not you will be open to any attempts that your roommate makes to convince you to let her stay at the place. Be firm about this decision. Highly manipulative people often feign agreeableness or make promises to change that they do not intend to keep.
3. Communicate directly. Make sure that you talk face to face rather than through phone or messaging services. Be clear about what is bothering you, and maintain a firm stance about your decision without making any threats in case your roommate goes against your expectations and agrees that moving out is indeed a good course of action. Explain your reasoning, focusing as much as possible on yourself and your needs and provide specific examples of when and why living in your current situation proved unmanageable. Use as little blame as possible, and be sure to own your feelings of discomfort and discord.
   • Understand that they will need adequate warning to find a new place to live. 30 days is standard.
   • Tempting as it may be, do not lie about the rights that you have. Do not insinuate that you can legally kick your roommate out or make false claims about your landlord mandating that everyone move out (if this is not the case).
   • Only threaten legal action if your roommate becomes dangerous or keeps insisting that he/she will not move out at all.
4. Give financial incentives to move out. If your finances allow, sweeten the deal for your roommate with financial incentive to move out. Since moving can be expensive, offer to pay his/her first month's rent or return the security deposit that you are both due in advance. At the very least, make it clear that he/she will not be responsible for any more rent payments, regardless of the time of the month the move out takes place (provided it happens on the terms you request).
   • By making a win-win situation, you will be more likely to act with civility before and during the move-out period.
5. Set ground rules to follow during and while waiting for the move-out. Sometimes moving out can take a long time. It will feel even longer if you are dealing with hostility and abusive behavior from your roommate in the interim. Remember that ground rules will be useless if your roommate does not also agree to them. Use the following negotiation principles in order to make agreements with your roommate:
   • Show understanding of all of the (reasonable) things that your roommate requests in order to move out. For example, if he/she requests to keep the toaster that the two of your purchased together, don't say no out of principle. Validate the request and then decide whether or not you can fulfill it. Choose your battles wisely and remember that the less you dispute, the less conflict you'll face.
   • Negotiate possible ground rules, knowing that you must be willing to compromise if your roommate makes requests that are ultimately geared toward him/her leaving in a timely manner.
   • Say what you are willing to do instead of what you aren't. So, if you want as little contact as possible going forward, tell your roommate that you're willing to talk only if it is absolutely necessary for logistical purposes. Don't simply demand that he/she not talk to you at all.
6. Be present when your roommate is moving out. This will discourage the dangerous roommate from stealing or defacing your property. Stay nearby, but remember not to hover over or babysit your roommate, as this could be taken as provocation and offense (because it might seem like you are expecting criminal behavior).

Kicking out a Very Dangerous Co-tenant

1. Consider that your situation could constitute domestic violence. Even if you are not romantically involved with your roommate, legal counsel or help from a women's shelter can help you determine if your relationship falls under the category of domestic violence. In order to benefit from extended protection to victims of domestic violence, check with local law enforcement or a women's shelter regarding state laws applicable to your situation. Some laws that may apply include the following:
   • Anti-discrimination status and eviction protection. In many states, it is illegal to discriminate against someone who is a victim of domestic violence. So, a landlord cannot refuse to rent (or terminate) solely because the person is a victim of domestic violence. 

   • Early termination rights. Usually, a victim of domestic violence can end a lease with notice (often 30 days). States typically require that the tenant provide proof (such as a protective order) of her status as a domestic violence victim. 

   • Limits on rental clauses. In some states, landlords cannot include clauses that provide for termination, should a tenant call the police in the face of domestic violence, nor can landlords make tenants pay for the cost of such calls. 

   • Section 8 tenants. Domestic violence victims may circumvent regular relocation requirements if they have otherwise complied with other Section 8 requirements, have moved in order to protect someone who is or has been a domestic violence victim, and “reasonably believed” that they were imminently threatened by harm from further violence.
2. Get a temporary restraining order. If the roommate has threatened or engaged in real physical violence against you, you can get a Domestic Violence Temporary Restraining Order from court that asks for a residence exclusion order. This order will require your roommate to leave the apartment immediately.
3. Notify your roommate with a letter. Make a few copies of the letter that you can put in different places (like the mailbox, his/her door, on the refrigerator) to ensure that your roommate gets and reads it. Provide the reasons why you want your roommate out, and clearly state that you do not wish to discuss the situation. Use language that is professional and direct so that he/she does not sense that there is room for negotiation.
   • It can be helpful to display your knowledge of your legal rights so that your roommate sees that you are not afraid to take legal action immediately, should cause arise to do so.
   • State the specific type(s) of legal recourse you will take if he/she refuses to leave or confronts you about the situation face to face.
   • If you feel more comfortable using an official template, see a sample eviction notice. Even though you may not have the authority to evict your roommate, this template may provide a valuable jumping off point for using to-the-point language when writing the letter.
4. Line up a safe haven. The trickiest part about dealing with a dangerous roommate is that things that you want to happen immediately take a long time. The safest option would be for you to stop staying at your shared place from the time that you deliver a letter of notice until your roommate moves out. Even if this much precaution is not possible, try to line up at least two different places where you can stay if you feel uncomfortable at home.
   • Try asking trusted friends, family members, or co-workers. In the event that staying with others proves difficult, call local domestic abuse shelters and explain your situation.
5. Get a lock for your door. In case your roommate becomes enraged or vengeful, make sure that you and your valuables are secure by putting a lock on your bedroom door. You may need to take extra precautions, like installing heightened security systems, changing locks, or replacing wooden frames with metal if you’re concerned that your roommate could come back to retaliate after the move out.
   • If you still fear that theft will be a problem, ask a friend that your roommate does not know to watch your valuables for you.
6. Be prepared to move out yourself. If you fear that the law will not be on your side dealing with your roommate, a good course of action is always to cut your losses and move out yourself. Pack up covertly, and plan a quick, efficient moving day when you know your roommate will be out of the house.
   • Be sure to enlist lots of help from friends or professional movers so that you can move quickly with others present (in the case that you and your roommate have an altercation).
7. Take care of yourself. Trouble at home is especially taxing since your problems literally live with you. Make sure that throughout this stressful process you are keeping as close as possible to your regular routines. As much as possible, get regular sleep and maintain a healthy diet. Be sure to surround yourself with a support system that includes friends and loved ones who can help you cope with the situation.

Tips

• Remember that your living space is important. It is worth getting a fresh start with new roommates, because no one should have to suffer the uncertainty of a dangerous roommate.

Things You'll Need

• A place to secure valuables.
• A firm resolve to stay calm and make the roommate move out.
• Friends to assist in staking out the move-out process.
• Emergency backup plans in case you find yourself trapped.

Related Articles

• Be a Good Roommate
• Survive a Messy Roommate
• Survive a Super Clean Roommate
• Subtly Encourage Your Roommate to Move Out
• Decorate a Dorm

Sources and Citations

See also

• Cope with the End of a Long Friendship
• Overcome Hatred from Others
• Change Someone Else's Behavior
• Avoid Conflict
• Determine Why Someone Is Treating You Poorly
• Deal With Impossible People
• Stop Being a People Pleaser
• Deal With Beggars Asking You for Money
• Ignore People You No Longer Wish to Be Around
• Tell Someone to Stop Flirting With You

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