Love Your Husband

Husbands....sometimes you can't live with them, but would you really rather live without them? Whether you're trying to bring new life into an old relationship or you're creating love where it's really never been before, wikiHow has your back. We'll even give you some advice on how to problem solve when your husband is making you so angry you just want to pour mustard on his favorite shirt. Just see the sections listed above to find the advice that you need, and don't forget to check the other sections too!

Steps

Creating Love

  1. Get some quality time together. You have to really know someone if you're going to truly love them, so make sure that the two of you get some quality time together. This means talking to each other! Talk about things that are important to you. Talk about significant matters (like religion and politics). Talk about your hopes, dreams, and goals for the future. This will help you understand who your husband really is, and let him understand the same of you.
    • Tell your husband that you want some quality time with him and why! This will help him understand why it's important.
    • Try going for a leisurely drive or a walk somewhere, in order to get time to talk together, especially if you feel like you can't talk at home.
  2. Appreciate his strengths. Everyone has something that they're good at or something that makes them incredible and unique. Find this aspect of your husband and love him for it. There are lots of good reasons to love a person.
    • Maybe your husband is a good provider. Maybe he's got a great sense of humor. Maybe he's affectionate and loyal. Maybe he's really smart. Driven? Good at this job?
  3. Embrace his weaknesses. Your husband is human, not a god, so expect there to be some flaws. We all have them. You too! However, when we love someone...really love them...we embrace those flaws. We love them not despite their weaknesses but because of them. Just like he will love you for who you are, you must love him for who he really is.
    • Maybe your husband is too talkative...but this can be an endearing quality. Maybe he's a bit messy...but he's your messy husband.
  4. Make each other better people. This is the whole point of marriage: we work together to get through life and make each other better, more fulfilled people. You should also encourage each other to pursue the things you've always dreamed of and become the people you've always wanted to be. You will always be your husband's biggest advocate and he will always be yours...so cheer each other on!
    • Help him to really shape up and look more impressive, so that he can get that promotion at work.
    • Let him help you work on that bad nail-biting habit!
  5. Understand marriage. Marriage isn't some romantic comedy movie. Those always end with the couple getting together. They don't show that marriage is really a lot of hard work. It's about butting heads sometimes and going through really difficult situations. Don't hold out in your heart for some guy that sweeps you off your feet and feeds you strawberries while he sings you a song he wrote. Appreciate that your husband will be the one who comforts you when your mother dies or helps you raise wonderful children. Marriage is a partnership, not an empty bouquet of roses.
  6. Give him the chance to wow you. If you close your heart to your husband, you may be missing out on a truly fantastic man that will make you happier than you ever thought. Notice when he does sweet things for you and give him more opportunities to show you just how incredible he is.
    • Let him know that you like it when he's romantic. Maybe all he needs is an invitation!
  7. Imagine your future and make it happen. Imagine the future that you and your husband have together. Think about all of the wonderful things that the two of you could share in the future. Then, throw yourself into making those dreams come true. Whether it's saving up money for your child's college fund or making your home into a place you'll both be happy to retire to, this can help you see the bright future for yourself, rather than your current cloud of doubts.
  8. Don't expect him to be your whole life. If you want to be a happy, fulfilled person, you need to rely on more than just your husband for your happiness. You're your own person! This means that you need to take things into your own hands in some parts of your life. If you feel unfulfilled, don't be too quick to blame it on your husband.
    • Try pursuing the career you always wanted or going back to school.
    • You can also try picking up a hobby that excites your passions but not his. This will give you a chance to have fun and also give him a break to relax.

Bringing Love Back In

  1. Start back at square one. When you want to fall back in love with your husband, sometimes the best route is to start back at square one: getting to know each other all over again. We change as we get older and go through different experiences in our lives and sometimes we get too focused on who we or our husband used to be. You need to be in love with each other as you are now!
    • It is very important to remember that it's normal, if you've been together for a long time, for him to have evolved into a different person. People really do change! If you're really right for each other, you'll be willing to love this new person too.
    • Go on a first date again. Introduce yourselves. Talk about the kind of things you would talk about on a first date. Talk about your experiences over the last few years and how you think you've changed. Talk about what you want for the future. And be honest!
  2. Go on dates again. When we're on dates, we're putting in the effort all over again. We want that person to love us! We're more romantic and more likely to look at each other with a new pair of eyes. Go on dates again and make it a regular thing.
    • Just make sure you don't make the date itself regular. Don't go to the same place, eat the same foods, or do the same activities. Just like you wouldn't like a new boyfriend to think you're boring, you don't want to create this image in your husband's mind either.
  3. Change the routine. You eat the same thing for dinner on different nights of the week. Do the same thing every Saturday afternoon. Before you know it, your whole life runs like clockwork: from when you schedule your book club to when you have sex. That's no way to let romance into your life. It's boring. By breaking away from routine and constantly endeavoring to keep your life exciting, you'll find new things to love about each other and new memories that you can share.
  4. Pick up a new hobby together. A new hobby is a great way to get the two of you doing something new and exciting, while also giving you something to bond over and share. When you're excited about something together, it's very effective at creating love and positive feelings. You can try:
    • Geocaching
    • Pottery
    • Learning a new language
    • Curating a wikiHow category!
  5. Challenge each other. One of the great things about marriage is that we can work together to become better people. We can help each other achieve our dreams of what we want for ourselves. Sometimes, we forget to provide that for each other though. If you want to reawaken your love for each other, work on challenging each other to be better people and pursue the things you've always wanted.
    • For example, if your husband has been plugging away at a novel for years, help him to set aside one night a week where he can work on writing without interruption.
    • Maybe you both have been wanting to get in shape. Work together to develop a workout routine and motivate each other to stick to it and meet your goals.
  6. Put in the effort again. You should both try to put in the same effort through your entire marriage that you put into dating. When we stop acting like the other person is worth the effort, they start to feel like that's what we really think. If you stopped trying to look nice for each other every now and again, it's time to start back up. If you stopped trying to look sexy for each other, turn up the heat. If you stopped trying to woo each other, make your most romantic mix tape ever.
  7. Lead by example. If your husband sees you stepping it up, he'll be inclined to do the same. Of course, you can always talk to each other to try to get your husband back up to snuff, but positive change really goes both ways. Be the bigger person and be willing to start the chain.
    • For example, you can get dressed up and ask him out on a date. He'll be so wowed, he'll feel like he has to out-do you and be even more impressive with his date offering next time!

Solving Problems

  1. Have faith. You need to believe that even when your husband hurts your feelings or does something wrong, it is usually not malicious. People don't usually do hurtful or annoying things for the sake of being annoying or hurtful. They do things because they're not thinking or because they think they're doing the right thing. Try to give him the benefit of the doubt before getting really angry.
  2. Know when it's time to quit. That said, your husband might do something hurtful on purpose or might not care about you enough to work on problems. Sometimes, we marry people who aren't who we think they are. You need to recognize when you shouldn't be loving your husband and solving your problems....you should be getting away as fast as you can! If your husband is mainly leaving a negative impact on your life, it's time to hightail it out of there.
    • If your husband is violent with you, you need to seek help. His violence is never your fault and you need to do whatever is necessary to protect yourself and your children. There is no excuse for violence.
    • The same can be said for emotional abuse. If you husband is constantly insulting you and making you feel trapped and worthless, you deserve better.
    • If you need advice, call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. If you're from outside the US, go to http://www.hotpeachpages.net/ to find resources for your area.
  3. Constantly communicate. When your husband does something to hurt your feelings, say so. When you feel like he's ignoring your needs, tell him that. If you don't tell your husband that something is wrong, he might never know. But in the mean time, the more you keep those hurt feelings bottled up, the more you're going to grow angry with your husband and maybe even hate him.
  4. Address major concerns. If he does something very serious, like cheating on you, you need to sit down with him and talk through the situation. Even if it's something smaller, like continually ignoring his half of the chores, it's important to sit down and lay out what went wrong and how the two of you can work together to make things better in the future.
    • In some cases, like with the cheating, the answer might be that you're not really good for each other and that you might be better people without this marriage. However, sometimes big problems can be worked through. Each situation is different.
  5. Stop keeping score. When your husband does something to make you mad, don't add it to the list in your mind. Don't save it to use as ammo later when you do something to make him mad. This isn't productive and it just leads you to cling to negative feelings. It may even make problems seem bigger than they really are. Instead, let small, unimportant problems and deal with bigger problems when they happen.
  6. Be an adult. Even if your husband can be petty and childish sometimes, don't stoop to his level. Acting childish and being really hurtful will only lead you to do things that you regret. You'll find, before you know it, that your relationship makes you into a person you don't like and it will escalate the conflicts that you do have with your husband.
    • Don't sling out insults, like calling him an idiot in the middle of an argument.
    • Don't do petty things, like "forgetting" to do the dishes until it's his week to do them.
    • Don't use sex for blackmail. Ever. Really bad idea.
  7. Funnel your energy into something productive. When you do have problems with your husband and you're all fired up and angry, find a more productive use of that energy. Instead of yelling at him or exploding, work really hard to team up with him to find a solution. Use that anger to power a real change in your relationship and how you treat each other, turning it into a positive force in your marriage. This way you get release while also solving the problems that you have.

Tips

  • Remember love is the most important thing.

Warnings

  • Get help if your husband does anything to hurt you. When he is violent or cruel, you are not obligated to love or protect him just because he is your husband.

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