Be a Successful Muslim Wife

To be a successful Muslim wife, show your partner love, respect, and affection, and ask that they treat you in the same way. Share responsibility for your daily life, and enjoy one another's company. Together you can strengthen one another's faith and live a pious and loving life.

Steps

Investing in Your Relationship

  1. Be open with your spouse. Build trust by sharing your thoughts and feelings freely with them. Ask the same of them. Your relationship will grow in strength and health if you are honest with one another.[1]
    • Communicate your expectations with your spouse. Tell them what you need from them, and ask them to tell you the same.
  2. Share responsibilities around the house. You don't both have to do all the same work, but make sure that you both take on the responsibility of making your home a clean and pleasant place.[1]
    • Some partners may need to be reminded to help around the house. If your partner does not notice when things are messy, consider asking them to be in charge of particular chores.
  3. Have fun together. Get out and enjoy life! A good friendship makes for a happy partnership. Share what you like with your spouse, and explore what they enjoy as well. Find things you both like, and make regular dates to do those activities.[2]
    • Try new things together. You probably both have games, trips, or adventures you've wanted to do but haven't yet done.
    • Take turns leading expeditions.
    • Have fun at home. If you have kids, play with them together. Think up new ways to entertain them with your spouse.
  4. Argue gently. All couples have occasional arguments. Try not to let them escalate into yelling or name-calling. Take deep breaths, stay calm, and use "I" statements when you are in an argument.[3]
    • For instance, if you are angry, say "I feel upset that…" instead of saying "You're mean and you make me angry!"
    • The Prophet said to his wife 'Hazrat Ayesha, "Show gentleness, for if gentleness is found in anything, it beautifies it and when it is taken out from anything it damages it.”[4]
    • Break rising tension by reminding yourself (and your partner) to avoid the influence of the shaytan. Say something like, "Love, let's not give in to the shaytan. Can we discuss this when we are both calm?"
    • Pick your battles. Not everything that annoys you is worth a confrontation.
  5. Discuss children. Get on the same page with your partner about the desired size of your family. Procreation is encouraged by many schools of Islamic thought, but if you do not want children, you are not required by Allah to have them.[5]
    • Use birth control if you do not want to get pregnant. You may be interested in using an IUD, Dep-Provera, an implant, or condoms.

Showing Your Love

  1. Show your affection. Everyone needs tenderness from others. Express your affection to your spouse in the ways that come naturally to you. Find out what your loved one responds to, and show them love in this way.[1]
    • If your spouse likes physical affection, kiss and hug them when you greet them.
    • If they like to be told that you love them, tell them freely.
    • If your spouse responds to compliments, look for something to compliment them about every day.
    • Some spouses love gifts. Bring home flowers and arrange treats that are specially for them.
  2. Communicate your appreciation. Show your gratitude for everything they do for you. Express your pleasure in their company. When they accomplish something they are proud of, congratulate them and tell them that they made you proud. Affirm their feelings.[1]
    • Leave them love notes and thank-you notes.
    • Consider other ways of showing appreciation, such as buying flowers or helping them out with a task they are stuck on.
  3. Enjoy your physical intimacy. The Qu'ran encourages spouses to invest in a mutually satisfying physical relationship. Explore your desires with your spouse, and encourage them to be open with you about what they enjoy.[6]
    • Flirt and enjoy foreplay, as Allah encourages you to do.
    • Establish consent with your partner. Speak while you share intimate moments. Ask for permission before initiating something new. Say what you like, and ask your partner to stop if they are doing something you don't like.
  4. Be loving during breaks from sexual intimacy. While sexual intimacy is encouraged between spouses, there are some activities and seasons where it is discouraged by the Qu'ran.[6]
    • During Ramadan, abstain from sexual intimacy except at night between iftar and suhoor. Make sure you are both rested and well-fed enough to enjoy the exertion!
    • Most schools of Islamic thought prohibit sexual intimacy during menstruation. However, cuddling, kissing, and showing affection is still allowed. There's no reason to avoid one another during your time of the month.

Being Pious

  1. See Allah in your spouse. Look for Allah's love in your spouse's words, deeds, and appearance. Appreciate the work your spouse does to remain close to Allah, and everything they do to bring you closer to Allah as well.[1]
    • Remind your spouse to stick to the practices that bring them closer to Allah.
    • Ask your spouse to remind you about holidays, hygiene, and other practices that help you feel in step with your faith.
  2. Pray. Make dua for the health of your relationship. Ask Allah for guidance when you are experiencing difficulties with your spouse. Ask for ideas with which to please your spouse, and think about these questions actively when you are not in prayer.[7]
  3. Greet your spouse with the salaam. When you encounter your spouse, say "As-salaamu 'alaikum." Greet one another in this way to share your faith and celebrate your shared identity.[7]
  4. Dress in a way that expresses your faith. The way you dress is an expression of your relationship with Allah and with yourself. Modesty, cleanliness, and elegance are important across Islamic schools of thought. So long as it is safe to do so in your community, dress to express your own faith.[8]
    • Brush your teeth and gently wash your face every day.
  5. Protect yourself. The Qu'ran emphasizes the importance of compassion, respect, and equity in marriages. Being a dutiful wife does not mean that you must suffer abuse. The Qu'ran does not give husbands permission to beat their wives. If you are being badly treated, suffering emotional, verbal, sexual, or physical abuse, you can divorce your partner. The Qu'ran states that Allah dislikes divorce, but allows for it in the name of justice:[8]
    • "If a woman fears ill-treatment (mushuz) or indifference (i'radh) from her husband, it is not wrong if (at her initiative) the two set things peacefully to right between themselves… If the two break up, Allah provides everyone out of His abundance, for Allah is resourceful, wise." (4:128-130)[9]
    • It is not correct under Islam to obey someone who is behaving in a way that opposes the will of Allah.

Warnings

  • Don't ever accept abuse (physical or otherwise). Islam requires a good wife to be loving and obeying to her full extent of ability, but it also obliges the spouse to respect their wife, and treat her in a civilized and tender manner. Understand that this is an obligation your partner must fulfill.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 1.4 http://productivemuslim.com/happy-muslim-couples/
  2. ↑ https://muslimvillage.com/2012/12/16/32962/10-habits-of-highly-effective-muslim-wives/
  3. ↑ http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/peace/treatment/istate.htm
  4. ↑ http://productivemuslim.com/happy-muslim-couples/
  5. ↑ https://www.al-islam.org/from-marriage-to-parenthood-heavenly-path-abbas-and-shaheen-merali/chapter-4-family-planning
  6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 http://www.mpvusa.org/sexuality-diversity/
  7. ↑ 7.0 7.1 http://productivemuslim.com/happy-muslim-couples/
  8. ↑ 8.0 8.1 http://www.faithtrustinstitute.org/resources/learn-the-basics/dv-muslim-women-faqs#Are Muslim women abused more?
  9. ↑ http://www.islamicperspectives.com/UnhappyWife.htm
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