Make a Girl Happy

You've got the girl of your dreams. How do you keep her? This is a guide for all those hopelessly lost men who may have a couple ideas about how to keep her happy, but who don't know for sure.

Steps

Making Her Happy Emotionally

1. Become a good listener. Everyone wants to feel like they're being listened to, but girls care very deeply about being listened to. It's a validation for them, but it's also a sign that you want them more than just physically. Here are some simple, real things you can do right away to become a better listener:
   • Ask questions about the things she says. If you can follow her conversation, you should be able to ask questions. Show her you’re listening actively, not passively.
   • Don't interrupt her. Interrupting a girl tells her that what you have to say is more important than what she has to say, which isn't always the case. Let her finish talking before you speak.
   • Listen to the best parts of her. Everyone has moments, or even whole days, that they'd like to forget. Forget the times when she was frazzled, or frustrated, or off her game. Listen to her best moments and prioritize those over her not-so-good moments. This will make her incredibly happy, and predispose her to do the same for you.
2. Whenever you get something, give back a little. It doesn't have to be clockwork, but the idea is important. If she gives you a massage, give her a foot rub the next day. If she writes you a romantic letter on vacation, write her a romantic note and give it to her when she gets back. You want her to see how much work you're putting into the relationship. Remember, you're a reciprocator, not a parasite.
   • Don't be a robot about giving back every time you get something. That's not very romantic, and it probably won't impress your girl. Try to appear spontaneous, even if you're planning far in advance. It will make her a lot happier.
   • Don't forget to do things just because. Don't always make something tit-for-tat. Get her ice-cream before school or after work, and don't expect anything in return. You'll earn your karma in the long run.
3. Earn her trust. Be worthy of her trust. Guys may not care about it that much, but for girls, it's a really important issue: Trust helps them fend off guys until they've proven themselves. She won't truly let you inside until you show her you can be trusted.
   • Do not show romantic interest in her friends. Not even a single one of them. Stay steady as an arrow and clean as a whistle.
   • Always tell the truth, even if it hurts. Getting caught in a lie is much, much worse than fessing up to something unpleasant.
   • Be there for her when she needs it the most. When all her friends have deserted her, when she's feeling her awfullest, remind her that you're there for the long-haul. Send her a note saying how much she means to you; give her flowers; remind her of all the things that she does for other people that make her special to you.
   • Be as good as your word. This doesn’t just mean keeping a big promise every now and then; it means doing the dishes or picking up those socks like you said you would. If you say you're going to do something, follow through with it.
4. Include her with your friends. Let's face it — she may never be mistaken for "one of the guys." But you can make an effort to include her into the gang every once in a while. Girls like feeling included, especially with other guys. It tells her that you're comfortable with her at your side — even with your boys — and that you're not embarrassed to her around the people you care most about.
5. Share things about yourself that define you. Open up. Self-disclosure is essential to bonding and has been shown to promote happy relationships.
   • Talk with her about your hopes, dreams and fears. Make sure the depth of these discussions is appropriate for the level of your relationship. Don't be an open book, but don't be afraid of showing her some vulnerability. Contrary to what you might think, vulnerability is sexy in her book,
   • Talk about your favorite songs, movies, books, and memories. These seemingly little things play a big role in forming an emotional connection. Don't be put off if she doesn't like every single one of your interests. If she likes you, she'll put up with your Metallica even if she's a Miley kind of girl.
6. Ask her directly. Don't be afraid to ask her if there's anything you can do to make her happier, or make the relationship better. Sometimes, honesty is just what the doctor ordered. Instead of playing games and trying to figure out what's wrong by fitting together all the tiny puzzle pieces, be blunt and ask her what she needs and what she wants. If something's wrong or could be better, she'll tell you. Be prepared to at least think about what she'd have you do.
7. Show her verbal affection from time to time. Tell her how much she means to you, what she's good at, or even what you like about her. Say something like "Remember the first time we met? I fell head over heels for you when I saw you standing there. It's like everything else seemed to disappear, kind of like tunnel-vision. You still do that to me." A nicely placed compliment or endearment can make her heart melt.
   • Don't overdo it. A nice compliment or "I love you" goes a long way every once in a while. But the more you use them, the cheaper they get. Remember, a diamond is valuable because it's so rare.
8. Be a gentleman. A gentleman will treat a woman with patience, care, and attention, without making her feel out of place. Unless your girl absolutely doesn't like being treated differently because she's a different gender, you can make a lot of headway by taking the time to act like it's 1945. Here are some easy things you can do to show your girl you're a true gentleman.
   • Walk on the outside of the sidewalk; sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door. These two gentlemanly gestures are all about protection — positioning yourself in between harm and your lady. In the first case, you're protecting your girl from a possible car; in the second case, you're protecting your girl from a possible intruder.
   • Open doors and help the girl get seated when it's easy for you to do it. The key words here are "easy." You want to be a gentleman, but going out of your way to rush to the door in order to open it before she gets there seems like you'd be trying too hard. Try to be as casual as possible with these gentlemanly maneuvers.

Making Her Happy Physically

1. Make your enthusiasm contagious. Everyone loves to be around a positive person. Your demeanor and how you carry yourself can affect how happy she is both with and without you.
   • Show that you're genuinely glad to see her. If your usual first reaction isn't a smile, there may be something wrong with the relationship. Consider hugging her or kissing her when you see her after a long day.
   • If you're just having a bad day, put it aside and grin. Make a self-deprecating joke about how you always seem to attract trouble. Put a smile on your face and be done with it.
   • Laugh at her jokes; everyone likes to think that they're funny. If they're not funny and you're not good at faking, just smile; a fake laugh is much worse than no laugh at all.
2. Don't treat her like she's an object. She's not a maid or a cleaning service; she's not your personal cook; she's not there to simply to satisfy all your carnal desires. Don't do things that might make her feel any of these things. Don't smack her on the butt. Look at her when you're talking to her. If she feels like a person instead of a thing that exists solely for your pleasure, she'll be much more likely to be happy with you.
3. Don’t pressure her romantically. There’s nothing sexy about reluctant sex. Honestly, you'll get a lot more sex, and better sex, if she's just as ready as you are.
   • If she seems hesitant, back off — even if she doesn't say anything. She may need more time to feel comfortable.
   • Don’t put out the wrong vibes. If she senses that you’re impatient, she may grow distant — or worse yet, do something she regrets.
   • Remember that no means no. Even if you’ve been together for years, it’s her body and she’s under no obligation to share it with you.
   • If she's an abuse survivor or something along those lines, that's a different situation entirely. Get her to talk to someone if she's not already.
4. Stay in shape and pay attention to your grooming. If you expect your girl to look like a Victoria's Secret model, how do you think she expects you to look? It's a double standard to expect girls to look great but to let your own grooming, hygiene, and exercise regimes to slip.
   • Shave every day, unless your girl likes a man with a beard. If you happen to have a beard, trim it regularly and keep it looking under, not out of, control.
   • Buy some semi-expensive gym clothes. If you buy gym clothes, you'll feel obligated to work out. If you feel obligated to work out, you won't skip out on your gym membership after school or at work.
   • Smelling odorless is better than smelling like you just stepped out of an Axe commercial. Girls like guys who smell subtly good. So don't drench yourself in cologne. Only use so much that she'll be enticed to get closer to you in order to catch a whiff.
5. Know when to give her space. Women are just as turned off by neediness as men. Learn to give her a little space once in a while, even if it means letting her hang out with other guys. Trust in her and she'll want to live up to your trust.
   • Have a life of your own. A confident, independent person will never lack admirers.
   • Don't force-feed a budding relationship with too much affection. This is unhealthy and will raise red flags.
6. Find ways to make her laugh. It all depends on your own sense of humor and what she thinks is funny, but humor is routinely one of the most attractive things women look for in men. Whether it's jokingly poking fun of her ruthlessness, or reliving a joke you had when you were on spring break, humor is the lifeblood of happiness for both guys and girls. Don't forget that making fun of yourself in a joking way is another great way to get her to laugh.
7. Learn how to fight. Knowing how to keep your head in a fight will make it productive instead of destructive. And as much as you may want to avoid confrontation, it’s far healthier to fight than to sweep things under the mat. Remember that if you really messed up, you might want to plan a special date to apologize.
   • Don't just change the subject when a fight is brewing. Forcing the conversation elsewhere will just create resentment.
   • If she’s really mad, give her a cooling period, then offer to work it out. Never forget to come back to the argument later or you will come off as evasive and/or uninterested.
   • Admit when you're wrong. Without humility, you will never learn from your mistakes.
   • Don't use an apology as a tool for ending an argument. This is manipulative and unproductive.
8. Show her physical affection from time to time. Physical affection is just as important as verbal affection; it's just a different breed. While being careful to give your girl enough space and not appear clingy, it's important to physically show her how much you care for her. Here are some things that you can do:
   • Come up and slowly kiss the back of her neck while hugging her from behind. This soft, sensuous kiss is sure to get her excited and remind her of the sweet things you can do.
   • Nothing says "I like you" quite like a good foot massage or back massage. Learn how to give good ones and you'll never need another way to apologize!
   • Try a six-second kiss. A six-second kiss is a passionate way to help make your love last. Couples who regularly kiss for six seconds or longer last longer than those who don't.

Tips

• Always remember her birthday! You don't have to do anything huge in a new or fairly new relationship, but flowers are nice - even if she doesn't particularly like flowers. A card is always cool too.
• If for any reason she doesn't like the gift you have to offer, don't react irrationally. Admit you should have gotten a better one if nothing else works.
• During a fight never immediately blame them. Try your hardest to not bring up the past. That will only make the fight worse and upsetting. Calm your other half down. Calm yourself down. Offer a kiss to them. Show them you really want one. Don't push them into anything. If they decide something that may be more comfortable than so be it. Keep them happy as well as you and remember it is always helpful to fight things out than to sweep them under the carpet.
• Be cool and casual. Example: if you accidentally mess up while trying to say something, like trying to tell a joke, don't try to fix it halfway through! Laugh and move on with confidence.
• Treat her the way you would treat yourself.
• Be respectful. Never stare at or flirt with other women in front of your girl. In fact staring at other women even when she isn't around or with the boys and rating them is unacceptable. Women are people and should not be treated like objects.
• Let her be herself. Her being herself makes her happy, relaxed and calm.

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Sources and Citations

• Self-Disclosure and Liking

See also

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• Show Your Love to Your Boyfriend
• Have a Long Term Relationship
• Get Your Boyfriend to Hold Hands with You Again
• Tell if He Really Loves You
• Keep a Man Interested
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