Keep a Man Interested

So you've spent a lot of time and effort getting a man's attention. Great job! Now, you have keep him interested, or all that work may go to waste. Luckily, this article will over some quick, actionable hints and tricks for keeping a man interested. Keep in mind that everyone is different, and not all of the tips in this article will work for you or the man you are trying to keep interested.

Steps

  1. Keep him intrigued. If he likes what he knows so far, he'll make sure to come around more often to find out more. Don't be a completely open book, unless that's who you are naturally. Give the relationship time to simmer, and space out some of your revelations so that you still have the ability to surprise him.
    • Maintain a little bit of mystery. Don't tell him every little thing you're doing, every place you've been to, every person you've seen. Even if you didn't want to be a little mysterious, sharing every little detail about your past and your whereabouts is likely to be draining to a man.
    • Keep some surprises up your sleeve. Being hunters, explorers, and daredevils, men naturally love surprises. If you schedule a surprise — going skydiving, for example, or a cruise — don't be afraid to just whisk him away and not tell him about it until he's right in the thick of it.
  2. Find out what he likes. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. It's a natural fact of life. Instead of dwelling on you and your past relationships, ask him questions that show him you are interested in him. If you get him going about his past and his experiences — and can stand sitting through the occasional boring story — he'll feel like he's connected with you and has a bigger bond to build on.
    • If he likes a certain color, it wouldn't hurt to wear that color every once in a while. If he likes a certain food, it wouldn't hurt to surprise him with lunch or dinner.
    • Most of our communities are increasingly pluralistic with people from numerous different cultural and ethnic backgrounds. If he is of a different culture from you try as much as you can to read and know a thing or two about his heritage. He will love that.
    • In other words, pamper him a little bit. Women loved to be pampered, but so do men. They're just afraid to ask for it for fear of not seeming "manly". Remember, don't coddle or mother him, but do record his favorite TV shows, get him tickets to a game (he can invite his buddies if you don't want to go), or get him that razor he's been talking about. It shouldn't go unnoticed.
  3. Find the balance between independence and making sure he's loved. Guys are naturally independent, meaning they need a little more space than most women do. Make sure he feels like he has a life outside of you. As much as he likes you, nothing pains him more than to look at his life and realize that he's lost touch with his friends and no longer gets the respect for wearing the pants, so to speak. Give him space some of the time.
    • And if you're worried about trust, don't be. Trust him. If he gives you a reason not to trust him, then you can start questioning his motives. The truth is that if you trust him and he likes you, he won't want to give you a reason to revoke that trust. If you don't trust him when you should, he'll want to punish you for not trusting him.
  4. Make him feel like a man. There's nothing wrong with boosting a man's ego. It makes him feel good about himself and if he feels good about himself because of a certain someone, he'll want to keep her around. More than likely, he'll also return the favor.
    • Reinforce the way he wants to be viewed. Does he consider himself an athlete? Tell him how muscular, coordinated, or skilled he is. Does he consider himself an intellectual? Tell him how smart and profound he is. Does he consider himself a comedian? Laugh at his jokes and set him up to be funny.
    • Let him be chivalrous. Pay attention to all the "gentlemanly" things he does for you and acknowledge them. When he opens the door, pays for your meal, or lets you in first, make him feel special!
    • Know that he'll most likely act different around his guy friends. Never tolerate outright disrespect, but if he acts a little strange, it's because he's trying to impress his boys. If it doesn't offend you, let him.
  5. Keep public displays of affection to a minimum. Men don't necessarily like to be forced into holding your hand and kissing you in public. If he does anyway, that's a bonus, and he's probably a very decent guy. If not, don't try to make him. Don't be upset or angry if he feels awkward about doing it; males are closed-off creatures and don't like to show their 'soft sides' to the public.
    • If you need a man who is comfortable showing his love to you in public, tell him gently. Let him know it's a priority to you, but that you understand it might not be a top priority for him. If he really likes or loves you, he'll be open to compromise.
  6. Be confident and look great. He prefers you to other girls, so show you're proud of yourself! And when it comes to looking great, know your guy. Some guys are attracted to natural beauty; others like a spray tan and eyelashes. Either way, dress to show that you're comfortable and confident with your body but make sure you don't go over the top.
    • Don't compare yourself to other women. Not even in a way that seems acceptable. To a guy, this comparison screams "insecurity," and the guy is suddenly worried that he might have to be your psychologist instead of your boyfriend.
  7. Don't do anything too sexual until your relationship is close and comfortable. Starting too early causes the initial excitement to quickly drain from a relationship. Why? Because guys (and girls, for that matter) like challenges. As twisted as it may seem, he likes the chase almost as much as anything else. Give him a good chase (without being too hard-to-get), and he'll be around for the whole hunt.
    • As a general rule of thumb: expect a kiss or two the first couple of dates; some heavy petting perhaps the next couple of dates; and consider, not necessarily agree to, sex only after the fifth date. If you go on a date every week, this will give you more than a month to suss him out. If you still don't feel comfortable, make him wait.
    • Once you have developed a sexual relationship, try to keep it interesting. A couple things to consider as you explore each other's sexuality:
      • Initiate sex at least some of the time. Guys don't always want to be the one asking for it. They certainly want sex, but it makes them feel greedy. Initiate some of the time and you'll keep him happy.
      • Ask him what his fantasies are. If you're comfortable with acting them out, give them a try. There's nothing sexier to a guy than a girl who cares about his deepest desires.
      • Help him feel adequate. Be open about what he can do to please you sexually. Give him encouragement when he does something good. Never tease or make jokes about length, performance, etc., as guys are especially sensitive about it.
  8. Give him massages! After a long hard day at work and stress of after-work traffic, men love to be given a nice body, back, or foot massage. If you have the time and energy, throw in a pedicure and manicure. You may even get the same treatment in return, especially if you ask for it! A guy who won't give you a nice long massage after you've given one to him doesn't deserve to have you dote on him.
  9. If he's been in fewer relationships than you, be patient and understanding if he doesn't quite comprehend the basic rules of living together. Men find it difficult to understand why they should let you watch your favorite chick flick, even though you have already patiently sat through a four-hour basketball game, and went to watch Transformers just to make him happy. Similarly, there is a chance that they are reluctant to do housework.
    • Try to resolve issues calmly through conversation. Listen to his perspective, stay calm, and be open to compromise. At the same time, gently show him your perspective and suggest something actionable, not abstract — i.e. "I'll be happy to do the laundry if you can be in charge of garbage and recycling."
    • Don't hound him about things. He'll feel like you've turned into his mother, and probably not in a good way. Quietly expect him to do what you've asked him to do — remember the rule about trust? — and give him time to get it done. If he doesn't, explain to him in rational terms why it's important. Sometimes, a push is all men need.
  10. Find out who he is. We spend our lives looking for someone who we think understands us the way that our family and loved ones do. If you can assure him, much less show him, that you understand him at times better than he understands himself, he'll have a hard time leaving you.



Tips

  • A woman should never try to control a man, just as a man should never try to control a woman. Let your man be independent, and be independent yourself.
  • Don't make everything about him. A relationship is based on two people. If you spend all your time and energy just trying to please him, you'll forget about yourself and lose sight of what's important: equality. Keep in mind that if a man isn't interested, there are probably others who would be. No matter what, be yourself, and don't risk your values for his sake. If you just be yourself you'll always be truly happy, and you'll find a guy who likes you for who you are.
  • Give him space and allow yourself to be who you are and vice versus. Imagine what you would be doing if he wasn't in your life and be spontaneous. Men love it when they know a woman has their own life and are happy with themselves. They'll want to be a part of that.
  • Express how you feel about things so he can understand your action or reason for doing something, especially in the event where you both had a disagreement. Don't take long to disclose your feelings.
  • Voice your opinion but be mindful of your approach. We don't want to smash his ego or say something that is irrevocable.
  • Don't come across too keen, keep back your reserve so you always have a tactic to throw in when he least expects it! This will always keep you on top of the game.

Warnings

  • Don't play "hard to get" too long, or in the long run this may make them become disinterested.
  • Don't ever think that a man will change after you've been dating for a while. It just doesn't happen. They are who they are and that's it. There is not much you can say or do to help.

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