Play "Flame"

FLAME is a game named after the acronym: Friends, Lovers, Affectionate, Marriage, Enemies.[1] It is a popular game among young girls at sleepovers, especially with pre-teens and teens who are beginning to explore the world of crushes. This game does not accurately predict whether or not an individual is right for you, but it can be fun to play this with your friends.


Playing FLAME

  1. Begin in a spirit of good fun. Especially if you're playing this game with friends, be sensitive to the fact that some people are self-conscious about their crushes. Don't force or peer pressure anyone to play, and if you get the feeling that someone might be uncomfortable, let that person know that you can stop at any time. The results of this game are random and just for fun.
  2. Gather your materials. This simple game only really requires a pen or pencil and a piece of paper. However, you may have even more fun when played with friends. Sharing your potential flame with a close friend can help you bond while you investigate your feelings for a certain someone.
  3. Write your name and the name of your flame. On your sheet of paper, write your first name and that of the person you are interested in. You should use your proper name instead of a nickname. You will be looking the letters shared between your names to measure just what sort of relationship you and this other person might have.
  4. Cross off common letters.[2] Any letters shared by both names should be crossed off or X'ed out. You should do the same for all repeated letters as well. For example, since the names Samantha and Alexander both have the letter A, you should cross out all A's in both of names. Do this with all letters until there are no matching letters remaining.

Analyzing Your FLAME

  1. Total the number of leftover letters. The letters that have survived your crossing out will help form your prediction about the relationship you will have with this person. In the example of Samantha and Alexander, there are 10 remaining letters.
  2. Count through the letters of "FLAME."[2] You may want to write down the word FLAME to help ensure your prediction is accurate. Move through the letters in the word "FLAME" one at a time until your count reaches the total number of leftover letters that you found previously.
    • After you have counted the 5 letters of "FLAME," you can continue counting from 6 to 10 starting again at "F" and ending at "E," if needed. If you have more than 10 leftover letters, repeat the process a third time, starting with "F."
  3. Note your ending letter. Whichever letter you end on will provide you the answer for the kind of relationship you can look forward to with the person whose name you are using. In the example of Samantha and Alexander, 10 letters remained after crossing out shared letters. Counting through the letters of "FLAME" twice makes the 10th letter "E."
  4. Analyze your future relationship. You can now use the acronym "FLAME" to figure out just what the future holds for your and this other person. Match the letter you ended on with the following meaning of each letter of the word "FLAME":
    • F= Friendship
    • L= Love
    • A= Affection
    • M= Marriage
    • E= Enemies

Playing a FLAME Alternative

  1. Prepare to play "Push the Button." This game is much like FLAME. It is also random, but can be played with friends for fun or to explore your true feelings for someone. The romantic twinge you feel deep down when you select that certain someone could mean your feel for that person as more than a friend. To play this game you'll need a blank piece of paper and a pen or pencil.[3]
  2. Write down your subject group. On one side of your paper, you should write two lists of people: one male and the other female.[3] These lists should have an equal number of people in each and can even include famous people, if you want to have fun with it!
  3. Come up with your action list. On the back of your paper, write a list of simple actions. You can include as many or as few actions as you wish, some examples of actions including: hug, shake hands, poke, wave.[3]
  4. Fold your paper. You can do this many different ways, but you'll want to fold your paper so that your lists are hidden from view. Try folding your paper in half three times - depending on where you've written your list, this kind of fold might work for you.
  5. Draw your button. Now that your paper is folded in such a way that your lists can't be seen, blank parts of your paper should be all that is visible. On the side that is face up, draw a button and label it "Button", "The Button", or "Push."
  6. Get a friend to push the button. Ask a friend who is willing to play to "push the button" and, when she does, open your paper to the side with your lists of people. Be careful that you do not show your friend any of your lists. You should keep your lists of people and actions secret.
  7. Have your friend choose. You should ask your friend what gender she wants to choose for this round of "Push the Button." When she has chosen either "Boy" or "Girl," you should ask her to choose a number. This is the subject, or the person you will be performing an action to/on.
  8. Determine the action and tell your friend. Now that you know the "who" you and your friend need to find out what will happen to that person. Turn to your action list and ask your friend to choose a number. Once she does, you will can tell her what she is going to do and who she will do it to!
    • For example, if your friend chose the name "Alex" and the action "shake hands," once these decisions have been made you would tell her, "You are going to... shake hands with Alex!"


  • Try it with different variations of names. You may get different results.
  • This is pretty fun in a group setting, where you can giggle about it.


  • Don't take the results of this game too seriously. Though thinking about a potential relationship with someone can help you understand your feelings for that person, this is only a game.[1]

Things You'll Need

  • Name of Crush
  • Paper
  • Pen/pencil

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Sources and Citations

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