Stop Being Afraid

Fear is a common emotion, but it can be unpleasant. In some cases, fear can even interfere with your life. For mild to moderate fears, you may be able to use a gradual approach to face and overcome your fears. However, in severe cases, such as being afraid to leave the house out of fear, you may need to seek the help of a mental health professional to overcome your fear. There are also some things you can do to overcome fear-based thinking and to reduce your chances of feeling fear in the first place.

Steps

Facing Your Fears Gradually

  1. Consider whether you might need professional help. Fear can vary in intensity. You might be mildly afraid of something, or you might be so afraid of something that you won’t leave your house. Before you try to face your fear on your own, it is a good idea to consider the degree of your fear.
    • For example, if you just have a mild fear of public speaking and you get a little nervous before you have to speak in front of a group, then you may be able to overcome this fear by using some relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation.
    • However, if you are so afraid of public speaking that you are skipping classes or making excuses to get out of having to give a presentation, then this is a severe fear and you may need to seek the help of a mental health professional to get over your fear.[1]
  2. Learn some relaxation techniques. Before you face your fears, it is helpful to learn some relaxation techniques to calm yourself down when you are feeling overwhelmed by fear. These techniques can help you to control unpleasant feelings related to your fear, such as anxiety. Some good relaxation techniques to learn include:
  3. Think about what you are afraid of. Take some time to consider what you are afraid of. You may even want to create a list of everything you are afraid of so that you can work on becoming less fearful of these things.[2]
    • Include everything that you are afraid of on this list and try to be as specific as possible.
    • For example, instead of saying you are afraid of people, try to identify what types of people make you feel afraid. Men? Women? Older people? People who look different from you? Be as specific as possible about the people you fear.
  4. Rank your fear level. It is important to work through your fear starting with the least scary thing or situation and moving up your list as you get comfortable with these low ranking items. After you have written down all of your fears, you can narrow down what you want to work on first by selecting one fear category and then try ranking these fears on a scale of 1 (least scary) to 10 (scariest).[1]
    • For example, if you are afraid of dogs, then the least scary situation (1) might be looking at a picture of a dog, and the scariest situation (10) might be petting a large dog. Make a ranked list for each fear that you want to work on.
  5. Start facing your fears. When you have finished your ranked lists, you can begin to face the items on your lists moving from the least scary to the scariest item on your lists.[1] Work through the items at a pace that is comfortable for you. For example, you might want to try facing one item per day, or you might find that you need to face the same item on your list multiple times to conquer the fear.
    • Make sure that you are keeping yourself safe as you do this. For example, don’t do something that could actually endanger your life, such as going near a wild or venomous animal.
    • Use a relaxation technique to soothe feelings of anxiety. When you face the fear, you are likely to experience some feelings of discomfort and anxiety. This is normal. To soothe these feelings, use your chosen relaxation technique to help soothe yourself.

Dealing with Fear-Based Thoughts

  1. Use humor to help counteract fear. A humorous situation will take your mind off of your fear and help you relax. When you are feeling afraid, it’s important to distract your mind from the fearful emotion or scenario.[3] If you’re distracted, you won’t dwell on your own fear.
    • Read a light-hearted book or watch a funny movie. These will take your mind off of what’s scaring you and may even help you drift off to sleep.
    • If you’re around other people (especially friends), ask one of them to tell you a joke or funny story.
  2. Breathe deeply. Often fear causes you to tense your body, and to breathe sharply and shallowly. Although breathing differently will not change the thoughts in your head, it will relax your body and help you feel less afraid.
    • Focus on filling your lungs with air, and allow your body to relax as you slowly exhale.
  3. Imagine something happy or pleasant. When you already feel afraid of something, it’s easy to allow your thoughts to run wild. For many people, a small fear can grow in their mind until they are much more afraid than makes rational sense.[4]
    • Instead of dwelling on your fear, think about something that makes you feel calm and relaxed.
    • Imagine having dinner with a close friend or family member.
    • Imagine relaxing on the beach during a warm afternoon.
  4. Talk to someone you trust about what’s scaring you. By externalizing your fear, you can hear an outside perspective. The person you talk with may even have suggestions about how you can combat your fear.
    • After talking with someone about your fear, you may realize that once seemed terrifying now seems silly or unimportant.[2]
    • When talking with someone, say something like, “Lately, I’ve been experiencing a lot of fear because of [thing that scares you]. Do you think that’s a rational fear, or should I not be afraid in this situation?”

Finding Other Ways to Conquer Your Fears

  1. Meet with a counselor or therapist. If fear is a part of your daily life, and especially if it lowers your quality of life or never leaves your mind, you may be experiencing anxiety, or a psychological phobia.[5]
    • A therapist will be able to help you by providing objective insight into what may be causing your fear, helping you understand common causes of fear or anxiety, and outlining practical treatments (this will sometimes include medication).
    • If you’re not ready to talk with a mental-health professional, at least share your fears with a trusted person in your life.
  2. Prepare yourself to encounter your fears. You might benefit from preparing yourself beforehand when you’re entering a situation that may cause you fear. If you prepare yourself mentally for an anxiety- or fear-inducing situation, the situation will not take you by surprise.[6]
    • For example, if you’re frightened by public places, then you might prepare by imagining yourself walking into a public place. Plan out how you will act and feel ahead of time. Some things you might consider include:
    • Will you speak to people?
    • How will you make your way through the crowd?
    • What people and things might you see?
  3. Take good care of yourself. Taking good care of yourself on a daily basis may also help to improve your mental health, which may reduce the chances that you will feel anxious or fearful as you go about your day.[6] Some things you can do to feel your best include:
    • Getting at least 8 hours of sleep every night.
    • Eating healthily.
    • Avoiding consuming too much caffeine.
    • Exercising regularly.
    • Making time for relaxation every day, such as doing 15 minutes of yoga or meditation every morning.

Tips

  • If you get scared at night, have some pillows or extra blankets around. Wrap yourself up if you get scared. Sometimes something soft will make you feel secure.
  • If you often feel fear at night (laying in the dark), use a nightlight in your bedroom.
  • If you’re scared of being on your own, try to stick close to a pet or a family member or friend, so you feel more secure.
  • If you feel afraid after watching a horror movie, reading ghost stories on the internet, or watching scary videos on YouTube, turn off the computer or TV!

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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/phobias-and-fears.htm
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 http://www.counseling.ufl.edu/cwc/how-to-handle-fears.aspx
  3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/snow-white-doesnt-live-here-anymore/201304/laughing-the-scary-stuff-humor-and-fear
  4. ↑ http://www.innerhealthstudio.com/afraid-of-the-dark.html
  5. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/home-pages/anxiety.htm
  6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 http://www.counseling.ufl.edu/cwc/anxiety-how-to-cope-with-it.aspx

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