Stop Getting Bullied at High School

Getting bullied at high school can feel like one of the worst things ever - in fact, it is one of the most stressful experiences students can face. You are not alone. Bullying occurs in every school and millions have been through it and risen above it. You can too. This article offers tips and guidance to help you resolve this situation.

Steps

Resolving It on Your Own

1. Ignore the bully and walk away. Depending on how bad the bullying is, you might choose to walk away. This is very effective, especially for one-time cases. Most bullies seek a target for their anger. They will most likely lose interest if they don’t get a reaction from you. Ignoring the bully sends the message that he has no effect on you.
   • Walk away as if you are walking away from a friend so as not to give away a sense of fear.
   • When walking home from school, stick with large groups, especially if the bully’s behavior is escalating. Try not to walk home from school alone. Walk in high-traffic areas instead of dark or isolated walkways.
   • If you are being chased, run to the nearest place with lots of people. Bullies are usually afraid of being caught and will most likely leave you alone.
2. Talk to the bully. Talking to a bully can be challenging but might bring awareness to his demeaning behavior. Perhaps he doesn’t know how his words or actions have on others. When you do, try to build him up, instead of putting him down. For example, say, “I think you are too smart for behaving this way and know you can do better” or "Be really cool and don't talk to me this way."
   • Show confidence. Confidence is expressed through the words you choose and your own body language. Remember to stand tall, with your head held high.
   • Speak assertively when engaging with the bully. Such as maintaining eye contact, being mindful of tone of voice and posture, or using appropriate language.
   • Remind yourself that you do not have to resort on picking on anyone to feel good about yourself.
3. Pay attention to the people you spend time with. Stay away from people that spread rumors or gossip. As a rule, if you tend to feel nervous or stressed around the people you hang out with, they are probably not good friends.
4. Spend time with people that are kind and considerate. An important quality in a friend is her ability to be trusted. Also, you want to make sure that you have their support and unconditional acceptance. Be mindful of how dedicated they are to you and notice their acts of kindness.
   • Stick with friends that stand-up for one another. Bullies are less likely to harass you if you have strong friends that support you.
5. Don't back down. Bullies are scared of confronting people who they think are stronger than them. Remember the phrase, 'bullies are cowards'? at the time you probably didn't understand why this was true, but the truth is that bullies are cowards because they will always pick on people that they perceive are weaker than they are. Show that you are stronger than they are by not backing down, and the bully will leave you alone.
   • Stand up straight, look them in the eye and talk to them in a strong, confident voice. If you can't manage a confident voice, then just don't speak to them in a small or quiet voice.
   • Respond to the bully with comebacks. If you're not good at these, then ask yourself why you are better than the bully and throw it back at them. (Eg: Bully: "You're so ugly". You: "Want to know who's ugly? Look in the mirror"). The bully is being mean to you; being nice isn't going to do anything.
   • Respond to the bully by telling them to stop. Show the bully that you don't care by saying: "Tell that to someone who cares" and walk away.
   • If a group is bullying you, they may laugh and whisper to each other. This may make you feel small, but stand up to them. Say something like "Why don't you just act your age and stop giggling and whispering like a bunch of five-year-olds" and walk away.

Speaking Up

1. Confront the bully. Staying quiet only enables the bully to continue harassing you. Pretending that an incident with a bully did not happen is denying yourself as a human being and only empowers him. The next time he comes to you, look at him square in the eye and firmly, but calmly, say, "I want you to stop right now."
   • If he gets in your face, bring your arm across your chest to use it as a barrier between you and the bully.
   • If he continues to invade your space, hold your ground and continue to repeat, "Stop. I want you to stop right now. Stop" or loudly say, "Stop! Leave me alone!" Don't say or do anything else but continue to repeat these phrases.
   • If he still doesn't stop, then this is when you might consider telling someone.
2. Tell a teacher, coach, counselor, or any other adult with authority. Tell them exactly what happened, who the bully is, where and when the bullying took place, how long it's been happening and how it makes you feel. When you tell them, ask what they are going to do to help you stop the bullying. It is their job to keep you safe. Speaking up is imperative, especially if you are afraid for your safety or have been threatened with harm. There have been many instances where teens have died due to unreported stalking, threats, or attacks. Remember, it's the only way you can win.
   • If you choose to disclose to a school social worker or guidance counselor and are feeling nervous, you might consider taking a friend with you so that you feel comfortable. Remember, most teachers and counselors want to help.
   • Another suggestion is to write down what's been happening first, to facilitate the process. This way you don't forget any important details.
   • If the person you talked to doesn’t help, seek help from another authority figure. As difficult as this may sound, keep doing this until you get the help you need or the bullying behavior is resolved.
3. Open up to your parents. This can be difficult, especially if you believe they'll overreact. Let them know that you just want their support, ideas and guidance, but you'd like to first try and resolve it on your own. If you fill them in about what's happening and ask for help, they'll be more likely to trust you.
4. Seek support from trusted friends. Confiding in a friend can give you much needed support and advice in dealing with your situation. Sharing your experience may lead others to also open up about experiences they’ve had with bullies. If you don't have much or any friends because of bullying, try to make friends with someone you think is nice or with people in other classes or grades/years. It may not be easy, but try to get at least one person on your side and it will make a big difference. There must be at least one nice person in your school, right?
   • If there is a rumor about you, set the record straight by letting your friends know what's true and untrue. Hearing them say, “I understand and don’t believe the rumors,” let’s you know that most people see gossip as it is, petty and immature.

Taking Charge of Your Life

1. Stay positive. This can sometimes be difficult but is important for your own sanity. Don’t let him affect how you feel. Bullies generally want to know that they have control over your emotions. They absolutely don't, you do. Behave normally and don’t show fear. Act like his negative comments don’t affect you even if at first you are faking it.
   • React by using a sense of humor, saying something such as "I'm really glad you finally found something funny to say." This will throw the bully off guard and might change the direction of the interaction.
2. Practice appreciating yourself. Only you are responsible for yourself and your emotions. A good way to practice is by making a list of positive attributes and reflecting on them daily. Another way is by celebrating and rewarding yourself.
   • The more empowered you are and the more you can help yourself, the more likely you'll be able to stop the bully.
3. Stay true to yourself by honoring your unique qualities and talents. Think of ways to feel at your best or strongest. Join a club or sport like track and field or drama. Get involved in school activities like yearbook or the school newspaper. You can perfect an existing talent or learn a new skill and make new friends in the process.

Getting the School Involved

1. Know your rights. Remember that everyone in school has the right to be treated with dignity and respect, free from bullying, harassment, discrimination, and violence, so as to facilitate and harness the learning process.
2. Encourage the student body to stand against bullying. Encourage them to visit areas in school that are not regularly monitored by staff. Get everyone that is being targeted and go tell the principal. Enlisting the help from other students is a good way of changing the culture of the school to relinquish bullying behavior.
3. Join the school’s anti-violence program. If your school doesn’t have one, start one. Get involved and reach out to school leaders. Start by working together with parents and school staff to implementing policies and procedures against harassment and discrimination.

Tips

• Never think this is your fault. Nobody deserves to get bullied.
• If the bullying is getting extreme, or he is following you home or threatening you, call the police or take the matter to your principal.
• If you are being cyber bullied NEVER respond back. Immediately tell a trusted adult. Block all communication from this person. Print all the slander that you get from him and keep it in a folder. Therefore, you have proof that you can present to authority figures.
• Tell somebody as soon as possible, walk away, and share the news. Bullying is serious. Help fight back.

Warnings

• If you are experiencing long-term feelings of emotional distress and its affecting your self-esteem, relationships, work and education, it is imperative that you seek help immediately. Reach out to a mental health professional such as a clinical social worker, psychologist, or psychiatrist.
• Never resort to using violence or physical force (kicking, hitting, pushing). Bashing is wrong and a criminal offense. If feeling angry or a mixture of other emotions, channel it out in constructive ways such as exercise or writing it down.
• Stay away from alcohol, smoking, or other substances as these can impair your judgement and lead you to isolate or behave aggressively.
• Undetected harassment can be dangerous and lead to death. The silence can potentially lead the bully to behave in more aggressive ways. Other times, the pressure of harassment can lead the victim to seek revenge, which, can be dangerous for everyone.

Related Articles

• Stop a Bully from Beating Someone Up
• Deal With a Bully and Learn to Move On
• Avoid Being a Victim of Bullying
• Deal With Different Types of Bullies
• Deal with Name Calling Bullies

Sources and Citations

See also

• Get a Friend to Stop Bullying Someone
• Handle a Mean Girl
• Deal With Bullies
• Stop a Person From Bullying You
• Deal with Name Calling Bullies
• Get a Boy to Stop Teasing You
• React when Someone Teases You
• Deal With Bullying when Authority Figures Are Unsupportive
• Stop Bullying
• Stop Being Bullied

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What links here

• Avoid Being a Victim of Bullying
• Deal with Name Calling Bullies