Take Pride in Being a Lesbian

Developing lesbian pride is a journey. You can start small by learning more about your new community and joining organizations. Once you've explored your identity more and gotten more comfortable, you can speak out when people say hurtful things about lesbians. From there, you can become more of an activist to educate and encourage others to stand up for LGBT rights. Taking pride in being a lesbian also means finding self-acceptance and coming out to others.

Steps

Accepting Yourself as a Lesbian

  1. Overcome feelings of fear, shame, and rejection. Once you’ve discovered your identity, it’s common to have difficulty fully accepting it because of feelings of fear and shame. You may worry you’re not going to be accepted by your peers or family members. You may start to feel isolated from others.
    • If your family, culture, and/or religion is against LGBT identities, you might have more difficulty with feelings of fear, shame, and denial.[1]
    • At this stage, it’s normal for you to compartmentalize your sexual identity or to feel like being a lesbian may not be permanent.[2]
  2. Explore and accept your identity. To move past the negative feelings of shame and isolation, explore more about what it means to be a lesbian. Seek out and connect to other lesbians. Find out more about LGBT culture.
    • If you are a university student, most campuses have a LGBT resource center, where you can find information, community resources, cultural events, and supportive people.
    • If you are teenager, and have a family and school that is accepting of LGBT identities, consider connecting with resources in your school, such as your guidance counselor or other students.
    • If you are a teenager and don’t feel safe going to anyone in your community, find online resources from The Trevor Project. They have online resources about sexual orientation and the coming out process, as well as a safe space for you to chat with others online for more information. They also have a hotline you can call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.[3]
  3. Share your identity with others. Once you’ve accepted who you are, it’s time to share that with others. Choose who to come out to and when you want to tell them. You do not have to come out to everyone at once, and some people choose to come out only to their friends and family, but not at work.[4]
    • Choose someone who is supportive of you to be the first person you come out to.
    • Prepare yourself for negative reactions and rejection. Unfortunately, some people may not be accepting of you. Don’t give up hope, they may just need time to adjust.[4]

Discovering Pride

  1. Meet other lesbians. Begin immersing yourself in the lesbian community more. Find out about lesbian subculture, values, and organizations. Find LGBT-friendly churches and businesses. Look for festivals, events, and support groups for lesbians in your community. Consider joining or following the news of these organizations:
    • National Center for Lesbian Rights[5]
    • Amnesty International
    • PFLAG chapters available in every state.
    • GSA Network for teens and youth identifying as queer or transgender.[6]
  2. Follow lesbian role models on social media. Having lesbian role models you can look to helps affirm you can be who you are. Seeing these women and their success will give you a sense of pride and hope. Consider paying attention to people like:
    • Ellen DeGeneres
    • Rachel Maddow
    • Ellen Page
  3. Start small. Before you become an activist, start with small ways to show your pride. You can do simple things like:
    • Fly a rainbow flag.
    • Put the Human Rights Campaign logo on your car.
    • Watch television shows that affirm lesbians, like "Orange is the New Black."
  4. Be out. Be open and authentic in public. Don't be afraid to hold hands or kiss your partner or girlfriend in public. Don't feel the need to hide the fact that you're dating a woman.
    • Use caution and know where it's safe to show your pride.
    • Every time you meet someone new at work or in your community, share your story, or advocate for LGBT rights and equality, you're continually coming out. You’ve likely helped someone else who is struggling with their identity.[7]

Strengthening Pride

  1. Confront lesbian stereotypes. There is a stereotype that if you're a lesbian, you must look "butch" or dress more like a man. This isn't necessarily true. Celebrate lesbians of all shapes, sizes, and styles.[8]
  2. Speak up. When others say discriminating things like "dyke," "fag," or "that's so gay," explain what words are okay to use for the LGBT population. Educate and encourage others, heterosexual people especially, to become allies. Challenge heterosexual people to examine their privilege, gender roles, and sexuality.[9]
  3. Be an activist. Advocate for lesbian and gay rights. You can do this by:[10]
    • Going to rallies and demonstrations.
    • Participating in LGBT Pride parades and celebrations.
    • Joining and advocating on behalf of CenterLink, a network of LGBT Community Centers.[11]
    • Ensuring your employers recognize same-sex partners in your health plan.
    • Visiting your representatives in Congress and educating them on the needs of the LGBT population.
    • Protesting in other areas in the world where LGBT people face discrimination.
  4. Celebrate. Recognize the struggles, challenges, and discrimination you've faced because you’re a lesbian. It’s not always been easy for you, but it’s allowed you to develop strength in the face of adversity. Take time to celebrate your greater self-confidence, pride, and increased empathy for others.
  5. Integrate your identity. Sexual orientation is only one part of who you are. Increase your time spent in other communities and cultures, not just lesbian-oriented, and be comfortable being a lesbian in these other spaces. Allow yourself to build trust, communication, relationships, and connection with others who are not lesbians. Continue to educate them and be proud of who you are.[2]

Tips

  • There are countless national, state, and community resources available to the LGBT population and to their families, friends, and allies. Remember that you are not alone. Seek out support, information, and help.

Warnings

  • Other people may be angry or reject you for being a lesbian. Your safety is most important. Surround yourself with others who you trust in your community.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ https://counseling.caltech.edu/general/InfoandResources/Coming_Out
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 http://www.ferris.edu/htmls/studentlife/PersonalCounseling/students/identity.htm
  3. ↑ http://www.thetrevorproject.org/
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 https://www.washington.edu/counseling/resources/resources-for-students/thinking-of-coming-out/
  5. ↑ http://www.nclrights.org/
  6. ↑ https://gsanetwork.org/about-us
  7. ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2014/oct/30/apple-chief-tim-cook-proud-to-be-gay
  8. ↑ http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/10452313/Young-lesbians-where-are-they-all-Coming-out-in-an-era-of-lesbophobia.html
  9. ↑ http://www.amnestyusa.org/pdfs/Ally_Toolkit.pdf
  10. ↑ http://www.uua.org/lgbtq/witness/25356.shtml
  11. ↑ http://www.lgbtcenters.org/Centers/find-a-center.aspx
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