Talk to a Guy Without Freezing Up

You see him at the end of the hallway. Your heart begins to beat a little faster, and you start sweating in places you didn’t know you could sweat. You may be a bit confused as to why you feel this way, but you realize it might be because you are into the guy and are not sure how to talk to him. To talk to a guy without freezing up, you should try to stay calm while you talk to him, generate good conversation when you do you speak, and work on creating a deeper connection once you have gotten over the hurdle of chatting him up.

Steps

Staying Calm While You Converse with Him

  1. Keep your breathing steady and relaxed. Often we are afraid to talk to someone new or someone we like out of fear of being of looking bad or saying the wrong thing. Your nerves may get the best of you and you may end up with your heart pounding in your chest as you try to talk to the guy. Your nerves always make it more difficult for you to stay calm and focus on generating good conversation with him. You can try to adjust this by focusing on keeping your breathing steady and relaxed, even if you are nervous.[1]
    • You may take a few deep breaths before you approach the guy. Do this by inhaling deeply, filling your stomach with air. Let your stomach puff out as you inhale, expanding with air. Try to inhale for a count of three. Then, exhale slowly for a count of three, letting the air release from your stomach. Your stomach should contract and pull in towards your spine.
    • You can also close your eyes and repeat a mantra as you do deep breathing. You may repeat silently to yourself, “I am calm” or “I can do this”. Repeating a mantra can help you stay focused and motivated to talk to the guy.
  2. Present yourself with confidence. You may also stay calm by taking time with your appearance so you appear calm once you are standing in front of him. You may choose an outfit that makes you feel confident and poised, such as your favorite shirt and jeans or your favorite piece of jewellery.[2]
    • You may also decide to do your hair that day or put on some makeup so you can appear confident as you speak to him. Keep in mind the best form of confidence often comes from within, so you should not stress too much about getting your appearance just right. Instead, use your appearance as a way to project confidence and a healthy sense of self.
  3. Display open, positive body language. Another way you can present yourself with confidence is to have open, positive body language when you are talking with the guy. Positive body language can show him that you are interested and engaged in the conversation. It can also encourage him to keep talking to you and connect.[3]
    • Keep your arms relaxed and at your sides, with your body positioned towards him. Maintain eye contact as you speak to him and nod when he speaks to show you are engaged in what he is saying.
    • You should also smile and laugh when appropriate to communicate positivity and engagement. You may also lean slightly towards him when he speaks.
    • Note if he is responding to your positive body language with his own positive body language. If he is mirroring your body language and displaying engagement with you as you speak, this could be a good sign.

Generating Good Conversation

  1. Start with small talk and be friendly. One of the more challenging moments of starting a conversation is the opening lines. You can tackle this challenge head on by starting with a friendly smile, making eye contact, and using small talk. Small talk is good at breaking the ice and being friendly while still being casual and calm.[4][5]
    • Try to use small talk that is direct but also open ended. Rather than say, “Hi, how are you?”, frame the conversation by saying, “Hi, how was your weekend?” or “How was your day?” This gives the guy a chance to tell you about his weekend or his day, leading to more conversation and connection.
  2. Ask thoughtful questions. Once you have broken the ice with an engaging question, you may then ask follow up questions about something the guy mentions in his response. Focus on maintaining positive body language as you ask him questions as this will indicate to him that you would like to continue the conversation with him.[5][2]
    • For example, if the guy mentions he struggled with a test that day, you may ask, “What did you have trouble on?” or you may say, “I remember taking that test, and it was difficult. I can study with you next time if you’d like?” Be helpful and open, as he will feed off of your positive energy and respond in kind.
    • You may also ask him thoughtful questions that will help to create an interesting conversation. For example, maybe you both just handed in a difficult assignment and are talking in the hallway. You may ask, “Did you find the assignment difficult?” or you may make a light hearted comment that you can both bond over, such as, “I hope I passed. How do you think you did?”
  3. Share information about yourself. During the conversation, you should also be willing to share information about yourself and respond to his questions. Providing detailed answers to his questions will show him you are engaged in the conversation and interested in connecting with him. Though you may be a bit uncomfortable sharing information about yourself, it will help the guy to feel more at ease and indicate to him that you are trying to build a relationship with him.[5]
    • For example, if he asks you “How was your weekend?” avoid answering with “Good” or “Okay”. Instead, you may tell a funny moment that happened over the weekend when you were out with friends or family. Or, you may tell him you spent most of the weekend studying or reading, but you did get a chance to go for a walk or go to the gym. Try to be honest and also focus on details that might add interest to the conversation.
  4. Be a good listener. You can also foster good conversation with the guy by being a good listener when he speaks. You can do this by maintaining eye contact with him, nodding your head, and smiling when he speaks. You can also take a moment to process what he is saying in a thoughtful way before you respond to him to show him you are listening.[6]
    • Being a good listener also means asking thoughtful questions and then not interrupting the guy when he speaks. Demonstrating good listening skills will also allow him to show you the same courtesy when you are speaking.
  5. Tell a joke to lighten the mood. Humor is always a good way to get over any awkwardness, especially if you are talking to a guy for the first time. You can make a joke by commenting on something you did over the weekend in a funny way or by referring to yourself in a self deprecating way. Jokes are a good way to add some levity to the conversation with the guy and connect with humor.[6][2]
    • For example, maybe you and the guy both just took a difficult test. You may make a joke about wishing you could text a friend for the answers or regretting your Netflix binge instead of studying. This is a funny way to talk about the test and joke around with the guy, making the conversation feel more relaxed and casual.

Taking the Conversation to a Deeper Level

  1. Make an effort to talk to him whenever you see him. Though you may continue to be nervous whenever you talk to the guy, continuing to engage him in conversation every time you see each other will help you continue to connect. It will also help you to get more comfortable talking to him and allow you both to get to know each other on a deeper level.[7]
    • Even a casual conversation on a consistent basis can help you strengthen your relationship with him. Over time, and with enough conversations, you both may be comfortable enough with each other to be friends or perhaps something more romantic.
  2. Connect with him on social media. In our current digital world, connecting through social media is a social norm and a good option if you want to stay in contact with the guy. After your initial conversation with him, you may friend him on Facebook or add him on Instagram or Snapchat. Making connections through social media will signal to him that you want to continue to get to know each other, in person and online.
  3. Suggest a friendly one on one hangout. Once you feel comfortable chatting with the guy, you may want to shift the relationship into friendship or something romantic. You may propose a one on one hangout outside of school or work, where you can get to know each other in a casual setting. Though it may seem intimidating to do this, you and the guy have also been getting to know each other through your casual conversations, so your suggestion may not be all that surprising to him.
    • You may propose a one on one hangout by suggesting that you both go see a movie that features actors you both think are great or like. Or, you may suggest you go for Thai food at a new restaurant that recently opened up, as he has mentioned his love of Thai food in a previous conversation. Use your conversations with the guy to build a rapport and move the conversations to more one on one settings, where you can take your relationship further.

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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/relaxation-techniques-breath-control-helps-quell-errant-stress-response
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 http://www.rookiemag.com/2012/02/how-to-approach-your-crush/
  3. ↑ https://blog.udemy.com/positive-body-language/
  4. ↑ http://www.glamour.com/story/readers-dilemma-im-too-shy-to
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 5.2 http://lifehacker.com/how-i-got-over-being-shy-and-embraced-talking-to-people-1692295385
  6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/the-shy-persons-guide-to-talking-to-strangers/
  7. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/colette-kenney/dating-tips_b_1504927.html
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