Treat a Man So That He Doesn't Cheat

Are you worried your man might cheat? Although no relationship is perfect, and it’s impossible to predict the future, there are ways you can treat a man to make it less likely that he will cheat. Both partners should work together to strengthen a relationship. If you do that, you will reduce the chances your man will cheat.

Steps

Strengthening Communication

1. Keep in touch throughout the day. Both partners should work hard not to withdraw. In order to have a positive relationship, you need to communicate on a constant basis. It’s important not to let things fester. You need to be so on top of your relationship that you spot little changes in the dynamic before they become big changes.
   • Talk to him about his day – every day. Text him an “I love you” or call him during the day to see how his day is going. Don’t do this so much you’re disrupting his work, but do it here or there to let him know you’re thinking about him.
   • Every single day ask him this question: "How was your day?" This lets him know you care, and it creates bonding to share positive or even negative experiences. Don't forget the art of listening. It's really important in relationships.
2. Improve how you argue. Couples who "argue well" have a better chance of avoiding infidelity. Every couple argues. But there are ways to make sure arguments don't turn into something more lasting.
   • If there is some simmering unresolved issue, don’t dodge it. Address it by communicating your thoughts and feelings. However, avoid judging language. Rather than chastising him for not doing something, tell him how you feel about it.
   • If you have concerns about something, frame them as "I feel such and such" rather than using blaming language, such as "why didn't you, etc." Keep your comments focused on the "I."
   • Use plural pronouns like "we" and "us" and "our." Studies have found couples who do so don't have as lasting of arguments. Don't yell, and don't go negative and say things you will regret. If he needs space, give it to him, and continue the conversation in the morning.
   • Try the 48-hour rule. If you're upset about something your partner did, wait 48 hours before saying anything, and see if you're still upset. This approach will help you address the topic with less emotionalism.
3. Drop the constant criticism. Yes, sometimes he doesn’t put away his socks. Or he came home too late or forgot to do something around the house. Just make sure you don’t harp on him every single day about this or that.
   • Men want to feel appreciated too. So avoid negative relationship habits such as blaming, threatening, punishing, or criticizing. You could make a list of things you nag him about and cross out half of them to consciously reduce the criticism.
   • Avoid generalizing statements. This is ineffective communication. Words like "never," "always," or "every time" make a statement too generalizing. For example, avoid statements like "How come you never come home on time?"
   • Don’t complain about his diet. This can really drive men crazy. Better yet, make him his favorite meals now and then so he looks forward to coming home.
4. Be soft on the person, tough on the issue. If you are upset about something he did, when communicating with him, separate the person from the issue.
   • Remind him you think he's a good person, or you know he didn't mean to make a mistake, but you felt sad when he did (whatever behavior upset you).
   • Ineffective communicators do the opposite of this. They personalize issues, attacking their partner, while minimizing the issue at hand.
5. Use words of affection. When's the last time you told him you love him? You can never say it enough. Tell him it before you fall asleep at night or when he leaves for work. Try to say it once a day.
   • Pay him compliments. Notice if he got his hair cut. Point it out if he's wearing a shirt in a color that looks good with his eyes.
   • Using terms of endearment - sweetheart, dear, my love - creates bonding and reminds him you care. Thread them into the day's conversation.

Improving Intimacy in Your Relationship

1. Stay great friends. Making a relationship work longer term is not all about cruises and nights out on the town. It's being able to depend on each other and showing true caring.
   • Show understanding. If he's going through a tough time at work, or he's fixated on a stressful project for a short time, show understanding about that.
   • Show appreciation. Remind him that you appreciate small things he does. If he makes a nice dinner or fixes something around the house, let him know you care.
   • Above all, always show kindness - in your words and your actions. Be reliable. If he asks you to be somewhere for him, be there, and don't forget. Be someone he turns to first when he needs help.
2. Keep your marriage couple-centered as well as child centered. Essentially, you need to prioritize your marriage. You need to find time for you as a couple without the distractions of work or children who take your emotional energy.
   • Have a date night for just the two of you several times a month. This gives you a chance to see each other in a romantic light, which can be hard when you're in the middle of parenting.
   • Pick the right friends. Studies have shown that couples who hang out with happily married couples are less likely to divorce. So pick your friends carefully. Develop couples friends, not just friends you both had individually when you were single.
   • If he starts developing friends you don’t know, such as at work, make a concerted effort to get to know them as a couple also. For example, invite that work friend over for dinner – with her husband.
3. Emphasize love and affection in your relationship. Realize he wants to feel wanted. Sometimes men cheat because they don’t feel desired anymore. If you take time to remind him that you love him - if you show him true affection - you will reduce the chances he will cheat, and he will be more likely to show you the affection you've wanted back.
   • To make him feel wanted, you need to create Develop Emotional Intimacy in your marriage. This can be done in different ways. One is through communication. Another is by holding his hand or kissing him. Small touches are really important in a relationship.
   • Studies have found that emotional dissatisfaction is a far more common reason men cheat than sexual dissatisfaction.
   • Leave him love notes, compliment him on his new tie, buy him a surprise gift, arrange a dinner, make him his favorite meal - these are all ways to show affection to a mate. This can't be a one-way street, but if you show affection, he likely will too.
4. Use tender touching - even during arguments. Human touch is incredibly important. If you're having a tough conversation, touch his hand or his knee. You might be surprised how hard it is to argue when you're touching.
   • Hug him and/or kiss him goodbye in the morning, hello at night, and goodnight before you fall asleep. It creates a constant bond of intimacy.
   • Holding his hand, touching his shoulder, these small touches throughout the course of the day remind him how much you care.
5. Understand his love language. Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book called the Five Love Languages that argues that people perceive love differently. What’s his love language? If you figure that out, you’ll be able to make him feel loved.
   • Acts of service. Does he derive a sense of love when people do things for him?
   • Physical touch. Is physical touch necessary for him to feel loved?
   • Words of affirmation. Does it matter a lot to him if you verbalize your love?
   • Quality time. Does he put most importance on the amount of time you spend with him and how you spend it?
   • Gifts. Does he believe you love him because you give him gifts? Remember that most people have more than one love language. However, figuring out which one they emphasize most really does matter
6. Don’t forget the importance of sex. Yes, sometimes you’re just not in the mood. Kids or a job can get in the way. And, yes, sex is only part of a relationship. But it’s a part that matters. So don’t neglect it.
   • Sometimes you should initiate sex. A man wants to feel desired. If you make a sexual pass at him, he will feel you desire him.
   • Don’t let it get boring. You should be open to some experimentation. That doesn’t mean you should do anything that makes you uncomfortable. But the missionary position every single time? Mix it up.
7. Learn about his interests. Although you shouldn’t become a chameleon who loses herself in her man’s interests completely, what’s wrong with trying to develop a common bond by liking some of the things he cares about?
   • Take the time to truly understand what he does at work. Read an article a week about his field, so you can surprise him with knowledgeable conversation about what he does during the day.
   • What’s wrong with watching a sporting event now and then, or learning how to play golf, if that’s what he loves?
   • Rather than feeling threatened by his old college friend or single work colleague, get to know them too.

Making Your Relationship More Exciting

1. Be spontaneous sometimes. Men cheat sometimes simply because they want physical variety. Marriage or a relationship has become mundane, and the man longs for something more exciting. There’s nothing like the feel of the chase or the rush of the first kiss. If you recognize this factor, you can work to keep your own relationship exciting.
   • Do spontaneous things (and sometimes leave the kids behind). Arrange a weekend trip without telling him and surprise him with it.
   • Change your hairstyle. He might be surprised to come home and see you with a hot new ‘do. Or try a new scent. Get a new car. Do something to change it up every now and then.
   • Develop a hobby. When he sees your excitement in something new, he might be encouraged to try it.
   • Travel a lot. Changing the environment now and then may reduce his boredom.
2. Have your own interests. Find a passion or a cause. Confidence is attractive, as is someone who has something interesting to talk about.
   • You don’t want to have to force a man to realize you’re worth not cheating on. Just develop a persona and life that tells that story on its own.
   • Men are attracted to women with confidence. Excessive jealousy is not very attractive. If you are snooping in his stuff and constantly demanding to know whether he is cheating, you might actually make him more likely to cheat.
   • You’re a woman not worth cheating on because you’re surrounded by passion, good work, hobbies, friends who care about you, and a confident attitude.
3. Take care of yourself. Yes, he should love you just the way you are. And, yes, he’s probably gained a few pounds since college, too. However, if you completely let yourself go, he may be more likely to look elsewhere.
   • Work out together. Not only will you both be healthier, but you will get to spend more time together and in a positive way. Doing things together outside of the routine at home like this is a good way to build common ground.
   • Although you don’t always have to make yourself up, if you’re not at work, don’t welcome him home in sweatpants, with unstyled hair. Put on a little makeup, and at least get out of the PJs.
   • Go to one of those mall makeup counters, and have them show you how to use the products. Some women don’t wear much makeup only because they’re insecure and don’t know how to do it. Most men don’t like it when women are too heavily made up, but a little mascara and concealer can do wonders.
   • Wear something nice to bed. This doesn’t have to always be fancy lingerie (although sometimes it can be). But can the bulky grandma nighties and sweatpants, at least. Go to sleep in his shirt or in a T shirt with pajama shorts.
4. Make sure you have fun. Relationships can be worn down by the mundane, the routines of daily life. Make sure you carve out enough time to have some fun.
   • You could each write down a list of fun things that you would like to do. A bucket list of sorts. Then, share lists. Each of you should choose one thing from your spouse's list, and then schedule it!
   • Try doing something new with your partner (exploring a new cuisine, for example) or try something athletic.

TIPS

• Don’t spy on him. Not only is it creepy, depending on what you do, it might be illegal.
• Don’t interrogate his friends. It will get back to him and make you look insecure. And no one finds insecure people very attractive.
• Apologize with caution. Some women tend to over-apologize. Don't say "I'm sorry" unless you are prepared to own the mistake. If it's not your fault, don't apologize.
• There are some men who will cheat no matter what you do. If you are with a pathological serial cheater, get out, regain your self respect, and realize it's nothing you did wrong.

Related Articles

• Be a Good Wife
• Maintain Romance
• Weigh the Costs of Cheating on Your Wife
• Get a Man That Would Never Cheat
• Handle a Cheating Partner
• Love a Blind Man

Sources and Citations

See also

• Tell if a Man Is Full of It
• Tell when a Guy Is Using You for Sex
• Make a Girl Who Is Really Mad at You Forgive You
• Know if You Are Ready to Have Sex
• Tell if He Really Loves You
• Know You Are Being Scammed in a Relationship
• Avoid Obsessing over a Guy
• Overcome the Fear of Marriage
• Get Respect from Your Boyfriend or Guyfriend
• Slow Down a Relationship

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