Ask a Girl to Be Your Girlfriend
There is no set formula to use when asking a girl to be your girlfriend, but here are a few possible methods to follow when asking the object of your affection such a nerve-wracking question.
Contents
Steps
The Casual Approach
- Get to know her. Like most methods, asking a girl out in a casual manner will be easier if the two of you are already on good terms. You do not need to be BFFs or especially close friends, but it helps if you are at least casual friends who greet each other regularly.
- Make light conversation with her whenever possible. If you pass her by in a hallway or on the sidewalk, stop her and talk a bit about school, work, the weather, popular television shows, or any other casual topic that comes to mind.
- Interact with her in a group setting. If your dream girl is always surrounded by other people, befriend the group to get to the girl. Interact with everyone in the group and try to make friends with her friends, but pay special attention to her as you converse by directing at least half of your comments her way.
- Have a plan. Even though you may want to seem casual and easy-going when you ask her to be your girlfriend, you need to plan out your approach in order to succeed.
- The benefit of this method is that you save face if she turns you down and minimize the amount of tension or pressure between the two of you. That does not, however, mean that you should be so casual about the matter that you ask her spontaneously or flippantly.
- Have a first date in mind. When you ask her to be your girlfriend, you should also ask her to go out with you somewhere. Typically, you should choose a fairly informal activity that provides plenty of opportunity to converse further, like a coffee shop or a trip to the zoo or a museum. If you choose something like a movie, make sure that there is opportunity afterward to have a meal or a cup of coffee so that the two of you can talk.
- Catch her at the right time. You need to wait for an opportunity to talk to her alone. If you randomly blurt out your feelings in front of a group of people, she may feel embarrassed, which could change her response in a negative way.
- You need to be able to hold a conversation with her before asking her out. In other words, do not bring the subject up as you rush past her on the sidewalk, even if the two of you are the only ones around. Wait for an opportunity to talk to her one-on-one without any foreseeable interruptions.
- If no such opportunity presents itself naturally, make one. As you pass her by, ask her to spare a few minutes for you sometime later. Say that you want to chat for a bit, but avoid acting jittery or overly serious about it. You can agree to meet somewhere ordinary, like outside of church, work, school, or wherever you usually come into contact with her, or you can meet somewhere like a nearby park or coffee shop.
- Engage in light conversation. Set the mood of the occasion by talking casually for a few minutes before bringing the question up. Doing so will put her at ease and keep the setting pressure-free.
- A good way to begin is by asking her about how her day and/or week has been. Likewise, you can also talk about yours after asking about hers.
- Also talk about shared topics of interest or subjects you might usually bring up in conversation with her.
- Mention how well you get along. Bridge the gap between unrelated conversation and the subject of a romantic relationship by drawing attention to the friendly relationship that already exists between you both.
- Make sure that you bring the matter up immediately after you share a laugh, agree about something, or create a good mood between the two of you.
- Say it in a casual but sincere way. Avoid being too over-dramatic about the way things are.
- Good example: “You know, I always have a lot of fun talking to you like this. It seems like we have a lot in common. We get along pretty well, don't you think?”
- Bad example: “You're the only person I'll ever meet who I can get along with this well. I'd be a miserable wreck if you weren't part of my life.”
- Confess your feelings and ask her to be your girlfriend. If the girl agrees with you about how well you get along, take the conversation further and tell her you would like to pursue something more.
- Tell her how you feel in a sincere way but avoid being too pushy about it.
- On the other hand, you also need to make sure that you do not ask her in a shallow or completely carefree way. She should be able to see that you mean what you say.
- Good example: “Actually, I was hoping we might be able to be something more than 'just friends.' I like you a lot, and I'd really like the chance to date you.”
- Bad example: “Actually, I don't just see you as a friend—I love you more than words can say. Please, please be my girlfriend. I swear I'll make you happier than any other guy ever could in a million years, so just say 'yes'...please?”
- Bad example: “Actually, now that I think about it, you're pretty hot. I should make you my girlfriend.”
- React calmly regardless of her reply. Your spirits may soar if she says yes or crash into a burning, smoldering mess if she says no, but no matter what she says in response, you need to keep cool about it.
- If she agrees to be your girlfriend, then congratulations! You can smile, laugh, confess that you were really nervous about asking her and relieved to hear her response, or say just about anything that lets her know how serious you are. That said, avoid completely overreacting. As long as you don't suddenly stand up and do a victory dance, you should be fine.
- If she turns you down, then accept it graciously with her head held high. Do not cuss her out, accuse her of putting you in the “friend zone,” beg her to change her mind, or demand an explanation until she either slaps you or bursts into tears. Instead, thank her for an honest answer and let her know that you understand and accept her reply.
The Heartfelt Approach
- Befriend her. Take the time to get to know her as a close friend before trying to progress to something more.
- You may worry about being put in the dreaded “friend zone,” but the truth of the matter is that many girls do need to feel secure with a guy before they will consider going out with him. Letting her know that you genuinely care about her as a human and a friend will establish that trust.
- Ask her to spend time with you in a pressure-free setting. Once you reach a level of friendship that allows the two of you to hang out without being in a group, invite her to spend some time with you alone.
- If you want to be cautious, ask her to visit someplace familiar yet different, like a different coffee shop or a nearby park that you have both talked about wanting to visit.
- If you want to be a little bolder, ask her to spend the afternoon or evening with you without revealing your plans. You can take her out for a nice meal, an interesting show, or a night of dancing.
- Insist on paying. If she puts up a fuss about it, tell her that you want to pay for her since you were the one who asked her to come out with you.
- Consider giving her a small, inexpensive gift. Unless you frequently throw gifts her way, a gift lets the girl know that there is something different—and special—about your time together this day when compared to any other day.
- Flowers, chocolates, or stuffed animals are all fair game.
- Avoid expensive gifts like jewelry or designer clothes.
- Tell her seriously how you feel. After you have spent some time enjoying each other's company, sit down with her and tell her that you have something important to say. Once you have her undivided attention, tell her honestly that you have strong feelings for her and would like her to be your girlfriend.
- Do not pressure, but at the same time, avoid blowing it off as no big deal. You must be genuine without being pushy.
- Good example: “I really enjoy the time I spend with you and consider you an important part of my life. I can't help but have feelings for you past those of friendship, though. If you feel the same way, or think you could see me as a boyfriend, then I'd like to go out with you.”
- Bad example: “So, yeah. I just thought of something: you and I should become girlfriend and boyfriend.”
- ”Bad example: “I've never told you this, but I love you more than life itself. Please be mine. I don't know how I'll manage without you.”
- Accept her answer calmly. She may feel the same way, or she may not. Regardless of what she says, though, you need to respond to her answer in a calm, civilized manner.
- If she agrees to be your girlfriend, express how happy that makes you but do not get wild and shout or dance about.
- Don't pressure her into a relationship. If she hesitates before giving you an answer, do not begin begging for her to agree.
- Let her know that this will not spell the end of your friendship. If she does not share your feelings at the present moment, do not tell her that this is “good-bye.” Let her know that it stings a little, but assure her that you still value her as a friend. Who knows—as long as you don't burn any bridges, she may eventually come to like you later on.
The Mysterious Approach
- Talk to her in person. While you may be tempted to use the “secret admirer” path as a way to ask a girl out without talking to her first, doing so is a bad idea. You need to make sure that she knows who you are in person before you can drop her secret hints about your feelings.
- Make sure that the two of you get along fairly well before using this approach. You can still be in the beginning stages of acquaintanceship or friendship, but when you converse, you should be able to do so while smiling and maintaining a comfortable atmosphere.
- The ideal situation is to begin your approach as soon as you realize your feelings for her.
- It works even better if you can time things out so that, as the two of you talk more and get to know each other better, she begins to suspect and even hope that you are the one responsible for the mysterious signs of affection.
- Slip her a “secret admirer” note. These secret notes are a good way to inject a little mystery into the situation, and if the girl you have your eye on has a curious nature, this can also be a good way to pique her interest.
- Address the girl by name so that she knows, without a doubt, that the note is meant for her. Do not sign the note if you want to keep it a secret, though.
- Keep things light. Avoid heavy sentiments or language that sounds “stalkerish.” Instead, opt for cute, light-hearted expressions of affection with no hint of pressure.
- Don't be afraid to be a little cheesy. It may not work quite as well in person, but for a note like this, a few cheesy lines can help keep things light.
- Elaborate a little. You do not need to write an essay about your love for her, but it helps to talk about your feelings a little so that she actually knows that your note is the real deal.
- Good example: “To Jane Doe, This is just a little note to let you know you have a secret admirer—me! Of course, you probably don't know who I am yet, but still. You're a sweet girl. I admire your kindness and your wit, and I thought I should let you know that there's someone who really appreciates you.”
- Good example: “Dear Jane Doe, Roses are red, violets are blue, here's a little note to say that I “like” like you! Sincerely, Your Secret Admirer”
- Bad example: “My dearest, sweet Jane, I love you more than words can say. I watch you every day. I've looked at all of your Facebook photos and tweets, and I know more about you than you can imagine. Last week, when you were on your way home after dark, I even followed you from a distance to make sure you got back safe, because I love you so much and would die if anything happened to you. If I could, I'd watch you 24/7. With great and sincere love, Your Secret Admirer.”
- Bad example: “Hey girl! I like you.”
- Consider attaching a small, cute gift. If you end up sending the object of your affection several secret notes, you can get creative and attach a small gift to a few of them. Keep the gifts “cute” and inexpensive, though.
- Instead of giving her a box of chocolates, attach a small piece of foil-wrapped chocolate to a note reading something along the lines of, “A little sweet for a real sweetie! Signed, Your Secret Admirer”
- Instead of sending her a bouquet of roses, attach a small clover flower or wildflower that you picked yourself.
- Avoid gifts like CDs, movies, jewelry, or perfume.
- Watch for warning signs. Even if you take every precaution possible to avoid making her feel paranoid or on edge, there still remains some chance that the girl in question will feel uncomfortable with someone leaving her anonymous notes. If you get the idea that she feels uncomfortable, stop immediately.
- An obvious sign would be if she tears up the notes or throws them out upon receiving them.
- If she suspects that you might be behind the notes and starts to ignore you or avoid you, you can take that as a sign that she feels uncomfortable about the situation.
- If she does not suspect you and ends up confiding in you about the notes and about her uneasiness about the sender, confess that you were behind them and that you will stop now that you know how uncomfortable they made her feel.
- Drop hints. The best mysteries are the ones that seem as though they could be solved. Even though this is supposed to be a secret, drop hints without directly stating who you are so that she has some idea of who to expect once you reveal your feelings. You can drop hints through your notes and in person.
- To drop a hint in one of your notes, make a remark that only you and a few others might be able to make. For instance, if only a few people know that the girl in question is obsessed with a certain band, write that you were listening to one of their songs or albums when you thought of her.
- To drop a hint in person, flirt without directly stating your feelings. If your presence in her life increases as the notes continues, she will begin to think of you as a likely possibility.
- Don't let things drag on. Send her a few notes over the course of a few weeks before you let her know who you are. Secret admirers can be cute and fun at first, but they can get creepy if they drag on for months or years.
- Make the “big reveal” memorable. Instead of randomly revealing your identity, make a show of it and give her the option of playing along. As you reveal your identity, you should also state very clearly that you would like for her to be your girlfriend.
- Do not write something like, “PS – I decided to tell you that this is John Smith.”
- Instead, ask her to meet somewhere if she wants to know who you are. Choose a public location on neutral ground, and make sure she knows where the location is at.
- Give her a heads up about your intentions by telling her, in the note, that you would like her to be your girlfriend.
- Good example: “I think it's about time to stop this secrecy and finally ask you out. If you want to know who I am, I'll be waiting for your answer in front of the coffee shop near the office/school Tuesday at noon.”
- Bad example: “I can't stand it anymore—I really want you to be mine. I'll be waiting outside your house tomorrow morning for your answer.”
- Give her one last surprise when she meets you. An inexpensive bouquet of flowers or a few of her favorite candy bars can be a sweet gesture.
- Keep your cool when she responds. You may have successfully wooed her. Then again, you may not have. Even if the girl is flattered by your affections, she may still tell you that she doesn't feel the same way.
- If she agrees to be your girlfriend, stay calm but make sure she knows how happy you are.
- If she does not agree to it, do not throw a tantrum, pout, or try to make her feel guilty about your wasted efforts.
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