Ask a Stranger Out

It's often tough to ask anyone out on a date, but with a complete stranger things can be more difficult. You usually don't know anything about him or her and it falls on you to make the first move. However, asking out a stranger can ultimately be easier than asking out someone you know. If he or she says no, you are not likely to see each other again. The fear of rejection can be difficult to overcome, but you might miss out on your soul mate if you don't try.

Steps

Finding Someone

1. Keep your eyes open. Think about all the couples you've known in your life. How did each of them meet? The answer is probably dozens of different ways. Many of them were probably complete strangers before one person asked the other on a date. Remember that you may meet your future partner anywhere and at any time. You may run into someone one early morning at the gym or late one night at a show.
2. Avoid closing yourself off. Don't keep your eyes glued to your phone as you go about your day. Instead, look up and be aware of your surroundings as you go for a walk or stand in line at the post office. Be friendly and smile often. For all you know, a stranger could have been trying to ask you out while you were busy texting.
3. Look for someone who may share your interests. In addition to finding someone physically attractive, you will also want someone who is fun to be around. A simple way to connect is through shared tastes and interests.
   • Go to local meetups geared towards your hobbies. Many people who take part in such groups are single and may also be looking for someone.
   • Take note of what the person is wearing or doing. Is he or she reading a book by your favorite author? Wearing a shirt of your favorite lesser-known band? He or she may be the perfect candidate to ask out.
4. Hang out where singles meet. While bars and clubs are the most popular place to find a date, there are plenty of other locales to hang out. Coffee shops are one great option. Parks, parties, and even libraries are some other great ideas.
   • If you live in a small town or rural area without many other people around, checking online dating websites may be a better option than hoping to meet someone in real life.

Approaching a Stranger

1. Do not approach him or her in a way that may come off as threatening. This is especially important to remember if you are a man and the stranger is a woman. Don't approach anyone walking alone on a deserted street at night. A good way to make him or her feel safe is to talk when other people nearby and visible.
   • It's generally a bad idea to ask someone out if he or she is somehow "trapped" with you in a location, such as on elevator or when seated next to each other on an airplane. If you don't have any other chance, simply offer your phone number as you part ways (not at the beginning of the ride or flight).
2. Check for a wedding or engagement ring. Look for a gold band and/or a more ornate ring on his or her left ring finger (the one next to the pinky finger). If you see one, respect his or her current relationship and back off.
   • In some countries, such as India, Russia, Norway, Germany, and Chile, engagement rings are traditionally worn on the right hand rather than the left. Keep this in mind if you are currently living in one of these countries. If you think the stranger may be from one of these countries, you may need to ask directly about the engagement to be sure.
   • In traditional Hindu cultures, married women wear a matching ring on each of their second toes.
3. Consider the environment if you're at a special occasion. There are a few circumstances where it's perfectly fine to chat up a potential partner but generally a bad idea to ask them on a date right then.
   • If you meet at a funeral, the etiquette is very tricky. Absolutely do not exchange numbers during the funeral or the viewing. As long as he or she wasn't particularly close to the deceased (and especially not his or her partner), it may be ok to exchange numbers during the reception or right after. However, the best thing to do in this situation is to ask a mutual friend about him or her a few days later. Just keep in mind that many people will still consider this a turn-off.
   • Business conferences are a bad place to find a date. You never know when that potential partner may end up working at your company, with a competitor, or for a business you contract with. Dating within the corporate world is tricky, and many companies strictly forbid it. Instead of asking for a date immediately, get to know him or her and then ask for a business card. By taking it slowly, you won't risk coming off as unprofessional.
4. Introduce yourself politely. Try making eye contact before greeting him or her. State your name and give the stranger a non-vulgar compliment. If he or she responds in kind with a name and a compliment or expression of gratitude, he or she may be interested in you, too. Mention wanting to get to know him or her better.
   • If he or she ignores your greeting, it's best to back off.
   • If he or she seems receptive and neither of you are in a hurry, feel free to have a longer conversation.
   • What you could say: "Hi! My name is [your name]. Do you have time to chat?"

Asking for a Date

1. Do not bring up certain topics. You should make some small talk before asking a stranger out. However, in a first conversation with someone you're attracted to, it's important to steer clear of two main things: sex and long-term commitment. Knowing what topics are sexual is simple, but avoiding the latter topic may be trickier. Don't plan out more than one date or talk about a future with him or her. Don't bring up family or wanting to get married or have children.
   • Don't ask for information that may put him or her in a vulnerable position, such as work schedule or where he or she lives.
   • If you're explicitly looking to "hook up," then feel free to bring up sex. However, just know that many people consider this inappropriate and will be more likely to turn you down.
   • Unlike most casual conversations, politics and religion shouldn't be totally off limits. If you're looking for a serious relationship and these things are important to you, it's a good idea to discover incompatibilities early on.
   • Appropriate things to say to express attraction: "I think you're beautiful [or handsome]" or "You have gorgeous eyes."
   • Some things you should definitely avoid saying: "Do you plan on having kids?" or "My parents would love you!"
2. Avoid pressuring him or her into anything. When someone feels pressured, he or she may panic and agree to a date with no intention of showing up. Trying to pressure someone into a date is also a good way to ruin his or her day.
   • Always take "no" for an answer.
   • Don't demand information about his or her significant other.
   • Don't initiate any physical contact. A quick way to come off too strong is to invade someone's personal space.
   • Be sure to tell him or her that: "It's totally ok if you're not interested" or "If you're too busy to talk, it's no big deal" or "Just let me know if I'm bothering you."
3. Give him or her your contact information. While some people think that a guy is always "supposed" to ask a girl for her phone number, it's best to offer yours first regardless of either of your genders. This takes a lot of pressure off of the other person and may make him or her more open-minded about your offer.
   • Write it down on a scrap of paper instead of insisting the person record it in his or her phone. This can be seen as creepy and manipulative.
   • If the stranger is interested, he or she will likely volunteer a phone number or email address without you needing to ask.
   • Something you can say when offering your number: "Hey, it was really nice meeting you, and I'd like to see you again. Here's my number if you want to hang out."
4. Call, text, or email the next day to set up a date. If a person has given you his or her contact information, don't play mind games or expect him or her to make the first move. Ask your prospective date to dinner at a specific restaurant with an idea of day and time. Have a few backup options in case he or she is genuinely busy or averse to a certain food.
   • If he or she doesn't return that first call or shoots down multiple offers without suggesting alternatives, he or she may not be interested in dating. Even if the person seemed into you before, people can always change their minds. Respect his or her decision and move on.
   • Tell him or her: "Hey, it's [your name] from yesterday. Are you still interested in getting together? If so, how does [restaurant name] this [day] at [time] work for you?"
5. Remember that the worst thing that can happen is that he or she says "no." That may sound like a cliché, but it's an important fact to keep in mind when asking out someone you don't know. Striking out with a person you have an established relationship with can inject some awkward into your life for some time. An advantage of asking out that cute stranger you just met at a coffee shop is the lack of outside social pressure. Keep this in mind to boost your confidence.

Tips

• If someone seems busy or in a rush, it isn't an appropriate time to ask him or her on a date.
• The most important thing you can do is to simply be confident and straightforward when asking him or her out.

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• Ask a Friend on a Date
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Sources and Citations

See also

• Ask a Girl to a Dance
• Ask a Girl Out in Middle School
• Tell Your Crush You Like Him
• Ask a Guy Out
• Ask a Boy out in Middle School
• Ask Out Your Crush
• Ask Out a Girl at School
• Ask Your Crush out in Five Minutes
• Ask Your Best Guy Friend Out
• Get Your Crush's Number

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