Get a Date

Going on a date with someone can be a lot of fun for both of you; however, asking for a date can be a difficult and intimidating experience. Thankfully you don't have to leave the process up to luck. Learning more about the psychology behind asking for a date can help you to better understand the process and increase your chance of success.

Steps

Starting A Conversation

  1. Don't ask for a date immediately. Asking outright for a date can dramatically lower the chances of the other person agreeing. Instead of simply approaching someone and asking if they would like to go on a date with you, start by asking a simple question or favor first. You can also use this question to start a longer conversation and learn more about the person before asking them out.[1]
    • Try asking for a simple favor. Asking for directions or for any good restaurants nearby are some examples you can use to get the conversation started.
    • After you ask your favor, you can ask if the other person might want to meet up with you later.
    • Asking a favor first results in about a 15% chance of the person agreeing to a date.
    • Asking directly for a date has only a 3% chance that the person will say yes.
  2. Say something positive. If you are approaching someone in a public space, it can be difficult to think of something to open your conversation with. When you open up this conversation you will want to focus on something positive about the area you find yourself in.[2]
    • Do not use “pick up lines”. These are off putting and are perceived as disingenuous.
    • For example, if you are in a supermarket, you might comment about how tasty something looks and ask if they have tried it.
    • Small talk can indicate interest and can help avoid the other person from feeling threatened.
  3. Keep the conversation going. After you start a conversation, you will need to keep it going. The key is to listen and pay attention to what they are saying, both verbally and with body-language. Start the conversation off slowly and look for details that they offer which you can use to keep the conversation going.[2]
    • Slowly work to uncover more details about the other person that you can talk about.
    • Match the length of their response. Talking more than the other person can make you seem self-absorbed.
    • Keep your responses no longer than a minute in length.
    • Towards the end of this short conversation, ask for a date.

Showing Interest

  1. Make a good first impression. First impressions are formed almost automatically when two people meet for the first time. These judgments are made quickly, based on behavior, dress, appearance, and anything that is said during the meeting. By making a good impression, you can help increase your chances of getting a date when you ask.[2]
    • First impressions can be hard to change.
    • Looking good and dressing clean can help leave a good impression.
    • Greet people with confidence and make eye contact to show self-assurance.
    • Your first few words are important. Try to say something that demonstrates your character and shows intelligence.
  2. Use the right body language. There are many non-verbal methods that you can use to convey your interest in the person you are speaking with. By using these in conjunction with your verbal conversation, you can help express your confidence and let the other person know that you find them interesting[2]
    • Keep your shoulders back and stand up straight.
    • Occasionally, you can tip your head to the side or nod to show interest.
    • Smile. As you are talking with the other person wear an easy smile. However, smiling too much or too little can be off putting.
    • Stand closer than you normally would to someone you aren't interested in.
    • Make eye contact. Avoid staring, but make enough eye contact to show self-confidence and demonstrate you are paying attention.
    • Speak slowly and relaxed. Don't be in a hurry when talking and leave a bit of a pause when the other person is done speaking.
  3. Wear the right colors. If you plan on going out to look for a date or are expecting to meet a new group of people, you should consider what colors you are going to wear. Color can have an effect on people and leave a certain impression, depending on which hue you are wearing. Make sure the colors you have on when looking for a potential date are sending the right messages.[3]
    • Men who wear blue are often perceived by women as being stable and loyal.
    • Women who wear red can appear as being passionate and powerful by men.
    • Grey can leave the impression of neutrality and quietness, which might not be ideal when looking for a date.

Asking For The Date

  1. Make the date a suggestion. When you are asking someone what their plans are and if they want to go on a date with you, asking indirectly can be the best way to do so. Using indirect phrasing can make the other person feel less pressure and allow them to answer honestly. When asking for a date, always phrase the question to be an indirect one.[4]
    • Ask them what their plans are. If they don't have any, present your own plans and ask them if they'd like to join you.
  2. Frame the date as their own idea. As you ask someone out on a date, you can try to phrase your request in a way that will make the other person feel as if it was their own idea. People are often more comfortable with their own thoughts and ideas and are more likely to agree to your plan for the date.[4]
    • For example, ask about any good restaurants nearby. When they suggest one, respond by saying that the restaurant sounds great and since they like it maybe you should both go sometime.
  3. Explain the benefits. One way of asking for a date involves phrasing your request in a way that highlights the benefits of going. By presenting a reason why it would be a good idea to go with you on this date, the other person will be more likely to agree to the date.[4]
    • Explain why a certain place is worth visiting. If they like the idea, let them know that you want to visit this place as well and suggest you go together.
  4. Ask directly. Some people won't like indirect questioning and it may come off as manipulative. If you think the person you are going to ask on a date would prefer the direct approach, you should ask them in that manner. This method avoids any potentially lost or misunderstood meaning and gets directly to the point.[4]
    • Simply ask if the other person would like to go on a date you have in mind.

Tips

  • Don't use pick up lines.
  • Be genuine and show your personality.
  • Don't be shy. Always appear confident and relaxed.
  • Practice good hygiene and wear clean clothes.
  • Be yourself.
  • Always be polite and treat them with respect.
  • Don't go into a date expecting sex.
  • Don't try and be the most confident person. If you're somewhat shy, have a good amount confidence for a good first impression. Remember, the other person is probably as nervous as you are. If you come off with too much confidence, the other person may get scared! Just be yourself.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201502/single-question-can-boost-your-chance-getting-date
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 2.3 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/how-do-life/201410/so-you-met-someone-you-might-want-date-now-what
  3. ↑ http://www.scienceofpeople.com/2013/12/color-psychology-101/
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 4.2 4.3 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201105/5-ways-indirectly-ask-date
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