Ask a Boy out in Middle School

Whatever your year or grade in middle school, the first step to asking a boy out is knowing your own mind about dating at this age. Then, you can get to know the chappy a bit better before thinking about asking him out on a simple yet fun date. Keep it light, happy and courteous and you'll be all set.

Steps

Are you ready to date?

  1. Consider how you feel about dating. There is no magic number or time at which a person is ready for dating. It's dependent on who you are, how mature you feel and what your parents think about it too. Indeed, it's a combination of factors. At this point, don't feel bad if you don't actually feel like dating yet––that's okay to, you can have friends instead of dates too and nobody will think any the worse of you for it.
    • Take a little time to better understand your own motivations for having a boyfriend or going out. How big a factor is each of the following for you: wanting friendship/companionship and someone to hang out with; wanting to have someone else interested in your well-being and listen to your worries and joys; wanting affection (hugs, touch and nonphysical affection, romance, etc.); wanting to be accepted and cool and not seen as a loner by schoolmates? Which of these are your main motivators? The better you understand your own needs and motives, the better your decisions and choices will be about whether to ask a boy out, and if so, who to ask, and how to do it.
    • Taking the time to introspect and understand yourself better is a lifelong process important for adults as well as for middle school students.
  2. Know what your parents think. If they don't think that dating boys is appropriate right now, they mean it and they have good reasons. Listen to them and just find friends instead. There's plenty of time for love later.
    • If you're parents are cautious but open to the possibility, explain how responsible you'd be if you went on a date, such as meeting curfew times, letting them know where you are going and being reachable by phone at all times.
  3. Talk to your friends about dating in general. Ask them what they think about dating and how comfortable they feel about it. While you don't need to agree with what they say or think, it can be helpful to gauge their feelings and get ideas to form your own thoughts.
  4. Move to the next phase if you think that dating is for you. Once you're happy that you're ready to date, try getting to know this boy better.

Getting to know the boy

  1. Find out what this boy is like before assuming that he is date-worthy. He might not turn out to be the kind of person you first thought. It makes good, common sense to get to know him a little before asking him out. Fortunately, there are plenty of ways you can use to get to know this great person somewhat better.
  2. Hang around with this boy and his friends. Make it a group thing. Get your friends and his friends to mingle at recess, lunch and after school. Make it all seem most casual, and just hang about chatting to everyone, including him.
    • Make friends with him and his friends. It will make him feel closer to you without realizing just yet what your real intentions are. This gives you the space to study him close up and kindly.
  3. Make a beeline for the boy. Have casual conversations with him about school, sport, your uniforms, school rules, anything really that is simple, relevant and easy to chat about.
    • Find out what interests him and let him know just a little about what interests you.
    • Here are some conversation starters: "Want some gum?" "Hey, do you have any gum?" "Okay, no more projects on cells. Mine looked like it came out of a horror movie!" or "Random Question: are you a morning or night person?". If you are in different years/grades, ask him what he thinks you'd like next year.
    • Don't chew his head off with "me, me, me" talk though. Instead, make the aim to learn as much as you can about him. He'll ask you enough things in time.
  4. Be a sweet and kindhearted person. Give him little gifts now and then, such as chocolates. But be sure to give them to his and your friends at the same time. You're trying to prove you're a generous lassie, not someone focused only on him––that comes shortly. For now, show him what a great spirit of generosity you are.
  5. Get to know him on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or whatever happening social media site is in your wee part of the world. Send a friend request and bond online. Send casual messages, jokes, funny pictures and nice sayings. Keep it light and friendly and include your other friends initially so that he looks like he's just one among many recipients of your online banter. As time goes on, you may grow to feel comfortable just chatting or messaging him.
  6. Don't stalk the poor chappy. He doesn't want to know what you're doing every five seconds and he certainly doesn't want to have answer to you about what he's doing every five seconds. Instead, just get to know his schedule, work around it with the occasional "hello", "how's it going" and "wow, isn't funny how we keep bumping into each other?" moments.
    • If you're online, take the chance to now and then send something with a "when I saw this, it made me think of you, 'coz I know you like the LOL cat/etc. pictures".

Asking the boy out

  1. Decide if he's worth asking out. Do you want him to be your boyfriend? Before you ask him out, be sure he's the one. Before you decide that you're in love, know what your own feelings are. Make a list of the negatives and positives about him, and then decide.
  2. Decide when the time is right. At least have inkling that this guy has grown fond of you and is somewhat into you. Signs include him breaking the touch barrier, lingering gazes, fond nicknames, making excuses to be near you, texting or messaging you a lot, blowing you kisses and generally being sweet to you. In some cases, he might be a little more brash and teasing toward you, because he feels comfortable around you. If you've gotten the impression that he's keen, it might be time. Ask him when you feel right and comfortable!
  3. Decide whether you'll give him hints before asking outright. If so, flirt a little, make eye contact more often and pass a few sweet notes to him in class. Make it clear that you're keen on him.
  4. Find the brave in you and ask this chappy out. He's yours for the taking if you've noted the signs correctly and feel you know him well enough by now.
    • Rehearse asking. If it helps you to gain confidence, practice beforehand. First, write down what you want to say. Then, practice in the mirror. Look at your body language and facial expressions. Practice until you feel confident.
  5. Keep your request to date this boy simple. This is especially important at the middle school and junior school levels. This isn't about determining your love match for life; it's about gaining a fun and carefree romantic friendship and the main thing is that you both feel comfortable with one another.
    • Say something like, "Want to go for a slurpee over lunch break?". This is perfect. Make sure his lunches are free first.
    • Or, casually ask "So do you have band/yearbook/practice, etc. today? Mind if I come too".
    • Or, "Hey, would you like to come with me to the movies/park/skate rink, etc. this weekend?"
    • If asking him out over text message, say something like: "My friends think we should get married. Spring wedding sound good?" Expect a "lol" as a response. Then after he responds, say something like, "Yeah, but I really do like you." Do try to use full words as often as possible; text messages can look really stupid if you use text language (u for you, r for are).
  6. Be ready for either a yes or a no. Realize that he may need time to process your request to get together, hang out or go on a date, and that's fine. Let him know it's fine and that he can get back to you.
    • If he says no, that's all right. He's probably embarrassed, or he hasn't made up his mind. Be understanding, and don't become defensive or act hurt. Never stall or make excuses. But at least he knows you like him and he might start looking at you in a different way.
    • If he says yes, say "great" and start planning your date, make sure you pay, unless he insists. Some guys love it when the girl pays, it makes them feel loved, others feel guilty and feel like their being given sympathy.
  7. Tell him that you like him and would like to be his girlfriend, What's he going to do? Bite your head off? No he will either say yes, no or I'll think about it (if the later, don't let him leave you hanging indefinitely; move on). Only ask if you really like him! Don't do it if you're just making it up! If he gives you something, try to give him something back the next day.

Enjoying your dating time together

  1. Understand he won't want to be with you all the time. He may be with his friends more often than when he is with you. This is normal, and part of a healthy relationship!
  2. Invite him around to your house. If he sees that you care and want to see him more often, he may become more committed to the relationship. (Try to have a few activities in mind to do together, like playing video games, baking brownies, watching a favorite show or movie, shooting hoops at the nearest basketball goal, etc.)
  3. Kiss him. Depending on the sort of guy he is, if he comes around to your house, find a comfy spot and lean in. Boys love kissing! However, if you aren't comfortable, don't force yourself.
  4. Don't seem too desperate. You want to keep in touch with him, but not 24/7! He might think you're a nag, or that you don't trust him. Text him once or twice a day, if he responds, YAY! But you can't expect him to. Also, if you see him in the hallway just say hi. If he stops you to talk, stay there and have a short conversation or tell him you'll talk to him at lunch.
  5. Don't stay with this boy if he doesn't treat you well. If he is mean, cruel, or disinterested, just move on. He may be cute or cool, but it's just not worth being mistreated to try to pursue him. Pick someone new to like. Always remember that boys don't control your happiness.

Tips

  • Only ask him out if you like him; otherwise, there's no point. You don't have to date someone to be cool.
  • If you have been friends with the boy you have liked for a while, then go ahead and be honest with him.
  • Don't just come right out and say you want to go out with him. Ensure that he feels comfortable around you and both of your friends first.
  • Tell your friends how you feel about him. If you start dating though, you don't need to tell them every detail of your love life. Keep something between you and your boyfriend.
  • If he has a girlfriend already, never go up to his girlfriend and say that you like him. It is all his choice and it's up to him if he decides to stay with his current girlfriend, or if he decides to date you instead.
  • If he says no, don't try to make him feel guilty. You don't want him to ask you out out of pity. If he asks you out because of pity, say no.
  • If he says no, then it might just be because he's not sure, or isn't ready to have a girlfriend.
  • If you've fallen for a shy guy, appeal to his interests. Find something you have in common (gaming, country music, basketball, etc.) And talk to him about it. Make sure he is comfortable.
  • Try asking him somewhere quiet. If you do it somewhere in public then he might get embarrassed and pressured, especially if your or his friends are close by.
  • Don't text him ALL THE TIME. Get to know him, and become friends with his friends. Drop subtle hints. Ask him out when he's alone, and if you're afraid to ask in person, do it over text. If you get rejected, still try to be friends with him.
  • When trying to ask a boy out never try to be around him 24/7. He might think that it's weird and might dislike the fact that you're always around them. Tell him everything and don't keep anything from him but tell him gradually and don't overwhelm them with too many facts.
  • If you're going to ask him with a Valentine's Day card or a Candy Gram, don't make it too romantic ("Roses are red, Violets are blue..." etc.), because he might feel forced or uncomfortable.

Warnings

  • Don't flirt with him while his friends are around. That will make him and his friends feel weird, possibly embarrassed, and it just gives his friends something more to tease him (and you) about!
  • If he says no, which he may, don't act heart broken and devastated. Try to keep your behavior normal. Acting melodramatic will make him want to avoid you.
  • Sometimes, if a boy feels awkward or seems uncomfortable, it might be because he likes you, but he just doesn't know what to do. Do not let this throw you off.
  • Don't flirt with his friends, especially if those friends are yours too.
  • If he says no, don't act like you don't care or it will look like you don't like him at all or it was just a lost bet.
  • Don't let your friends convince you that you like someone. Ask them out because you want to.
  • Don't ask him out more than once. Ask him out once, if he rejects, try to edit yourself a bit. Don't change so you're not the same person any more.
  • Never allow a guy to treat you poorly, even if he seems to be trying to impress his friends. You can't change him, and you won't be happy with him.
  • If you're in sixth grade, and you want a girlfriend or boyfriend take it easy. Most sixth graders aren't really "dating". So if you're looking for a relationship in the sixth grade, it isn't like "I'll see you at the movies", because parents don't like guys at their house. Get to know him more, start afresh. Once you know you really like him then go for it, but don't put him under pressure, and don't be too flirty with him.
  • If he says no and starts being rude to you, move on, there are more people out there and one of them might be perfect for you!
  • Don't be rude to him in an effort to conceal your feelings for him. Eventually, your true feelings will show and because of your previous behavior, there's a 95 percent chance you will be rejected (unless he likes you back).
  • Rejections may happen if you do not handle the situation properly, or if you take it too fast.
  • If he says no, just smile and say "Okay". Don't make a big deal about. Remember there are a million other guys out there.
  • If he has a reputation for being a player, take that into consideration.
  • Don't become friends with someone he hates.
  • Never ask him out if your best friend likes him. Ask her first if you can. If she says no, maybe go up to him together.

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