Attract a Goth Girl

Subcultures, like the one known as goth, can be difficult for ordinary people on the outside to understand. If you find yourself attracted to a goth girl. You may have no idea what to say or do. However, goth identifying individuals aren't too different from anyone else. By gaining an understanding of gothic subculture and learning how to send the right signals to her, you might find your goth girl attracted to you in no time at all!

Steps

Understanding Gothic Subculture

  1. Understand what it means to be gothic. A better understanding of the subculture will help you to be respectful of her beliefs. Understanding will also help you to connect with her and find common ground between her beliefs and your own. What it means to be gothic might change from group to group and region to region, but there are three basic components to goth culture: the social scene, the personality, and the music.[1]
    • The gothic social scene provides places for like minded individuals, in this case goths, to come together as a community and share ideas. This may include places like gothic coffee shops, clothing stores, thrift stores, clubs, fetish stores, music stores, and more.[2]
    • The gothic personality is usually identified by a strong sense of individualism that has a strong appreciation for the darker side of things, the supernatural, beauty and dark aesthetics, art, emotion, mystery, and drama.
    • Gothic music is a very important aspect in goth culture. Music serves as a focal point around which the social scene revolves. Gothic music tends to have an eerie or surreal tone. Gothic bands generally make use of lyrics that focus on gothic themes, such as the grotesque and the mysterious, and may also portray gothic styles, like wearing mostly black clothing.[3][4]
  2. Identify common gothic features. There's no rule book stating you have to wear a certain style of clothing, behavior a certain way, or listen to a certain band to identify as a goth. There's no guarantee that all common goth features will apply to your gothic lady friend. However, by learning common goth features, you can prepare yourself to compliment parts of her appearance and personality that she's worked hard to cultivate. You might take note of and compliment her:
    • Style. This might include the cut, color, or kind of clothing she is wearing. Accessories, especially those that are prominent, should be complimented as well. Take special note of unique articles of clothing, like fishnets, capes, studded/spiked clothing, ankhs, chokers, and more.[5]
    • Makeup. Goths tend to appreciate the sharp contrast of black and white, and to this end will often wear light colored makeup with dark accents on the lips and eyes. Compliment special flourishes and show interest by asking her how she managed to get her makeup so perfect.[5]
    • Musical involvement. You might make conversation with her about live music or her favorite bands. You could also show your interest by asking her what features she likes most about her favorite goth musicians.[3]
  3. Read popular goth literature. The gothic fascination with darkness and the supernatural make vampire, fantasy, horror, and sci-fi genres popular among goths. These novels will not only give you something to talk about with the goth girl you are trying to attract, but your reading will also give you more background knowledge about popular goth themes. And if novels reading isn't your favorite activity, you might find gothic themed comics more enjoyable.
    • Gothic Novels:
      Dracula, by Bram Stoker
      1984, by George Orwell
      Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley
      The Inferno, by Dante Alighieri
      Most novels by Edgar Allen Poe
    • Gothic Comics and Graphic Novels:
      The Sandman comics, by Neil Gaiman
      The Crow comics, by James O'Barr
      Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, by Jhonen Vasquez[5]
  4. Familiarize yourself with goth media. Many movie makers and musicians identify with or are held in high opinion by the goth community. Some directors, like Tim Burton, and record labels, like Cleopatra, Projekt, and Anubis, are considered to be more representative of the goth subculture than others. This kind of media is a perfect way for you to gain a better appreciation of the goth aesthetic while learning central gothic themes.
    • Popular Goth Movies:
      The Hunger
      The Rocky Horror Picture Show
      Dracula
      The Crow
      Edward Scissorhands
      The Nightmare Before Christmas
      Beetlejuice
      Hellraiser
    • Popular Goth Music Groups:
      Bauhaus
      Christian Death
      The Sisters of Mercy
      [6][5]

Communicating Your Interest Verbally

  1. Ask her about her interests and hobbies. Her identity as a goth doesn't mean she doesn't have non-goth related interests and hobbies. You might find that you have a lot more in common than you first thought! Ask her about her favorite:
    • TV shows
    • Classes in school
    • Free time activities
    • Places to go
  2. Open yourself to new things. The goth subculture might be new and strange to you, which can lead you to feeling out of your element and uncomfortable. Try not to be judgmental in this situation. After all, goths are people just like you and are simply looking for a place where they can be accepted and appreciated for their style and beliefs.[4] It's likely that goths feel just as out of place in their daily life as you might when hanging out with them.
    • Try to understand how the girl you want to attract thinks. Listen to her and discuss what she says. You don't have to think the same things she does, but respect her views and show her you're interested in what's important to her.
    • It can be tempting to try and portray yourself in a way you think she'll like. This is natural, but can lead you to feel like the real you isn't good enough for her. Pretending to be something that you're not can also lead to strain in your relationship with her. Avoid pretending to be something that you're not.[7][8]
  3. Verify what she is saying. When you're having a conversation with her, try to summarize what she's said in your own words and ask her if you've got it right. This is a strong way of making her feel like you really understand what she is saying, which could lead to greater emotional honesty between you. And as your relationship deepens, so too might her feelings for you.[9]
    • In addition to helping create an open atmosphere between her and you, this technique will also help prevent misunderstandings between you. If you are regularly checking that you understand what she is saying, there is less of a chance you'll misinterpret something.
  4. Commit to your conversations with her. Invest yourself in the things she is saying by asking follow up questions. When she makes a statement, you can ask why she thinks that way or what brought her to that viewpoint. Don't allow yourself to be distracted by other people, your phone, or what's happening around you. By showing her she has your complete attention, you're also showing her you care about her.[10]
    • Turn your phone off before you even meet up with her. Even if you're having a great time, your nervous habit of checking your phone or the reflex to fidget with it might make her think you aren't interested.

Communicating Your Interest Physically

  1. Practice good hygiene. This is an important point whenever you're pursuing someone you like. No matter if she is goth or not, she probably won't like it if you smell like body odor! Shower daily, wear deodorant, wear clean clothes, brush your teeth, and maybe even style your hair.
    • You don't have to imitate goth style to get her to like you. She may be looking for someone who complements her style instead of copying it. In this case, you might earn admiration in her eyes for not being goth. What's most important to her will be a sense of connection with you.[11]
  2. Point your toes in her direction. Body language conveys a large amount of information to the people we interact with.[12] Even if she doesn't recognize it, she will on some level pick up on your body posture. If your body is oriented at her, like when your toes, body, and hands are pointed in her direction, she'll feel as though you're more interested in her.[10]
    • Avoid crossing your arms. This closes off your main body from her, which will make her feel like you are closed off from her. Try to use open, inclusive gestures.
  3. Maintain eye contact as much as possible. This can be especially hard if you're nervous, but by holding eye contact can cause her to start thinking about you as more than just a friend.[13] Beyond snagging her romantic interest, getting into the habit of maintaining eye contact could also help you have a healthy, satisfied relationship.[14]
    • Be careful not to space out while you're looking at her! If you do, she might think you're bored. To prevent your eyes from looking empty or cold, you could think about the things you like best about her while making eye contact.
    • Other techniques can be used so that your eyes look warm and inviting while maintaining eye contact. A dimly lit room, restaurant, or coffee house can also put her at ease and make her feel more attracted to you.[15]
  4. Smile. When you smile, you naturally look more attractive to others.[16] But good moods are also contagious, so if you spend your time together wearing a smile on you face, she's much more likely to associate time spent with you with fun.[17]
    • You might have to practice your smile before you're completely satisfied with it. Practicing your smile in front of a mirror everyday can exercise and loosen up your facial muscles so you're ready to crack a grin when she wanders into sight.



Tips

  • Remember that just because a girl is goth, it doesn't make her kinky. This is an often made misconception or cliché of the goth subculture. Being goth has nothing to do with what you like in bed. So if you like a goth girl because you think she likes kinky stuff, don't even approach her.
  • All girls are different and the goth subculture varies from region to region. The girl you are interested in may be different from general goth characteristics.
  • Remember that even though goths might look frightening, they are usually not so different from other people you'll meet in life.

Warnings

  • Changing yourself to fit in with or be liked by another can be harmful to your self-esteem. Even if you think she's perfect for you, you deserve to be loved for who you are.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.gothicsubculture.com/what-is-gothic.php
  2. ↑ http://www.gothicsubculture.com/accept.php
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 http://www.gothicsubculture.com/music.php
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 http://www.gothicsubculture.com/analysis.php
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 5.2 5.3 http://www.gothicsubculture.com/common-culture.php
  6. ↑ http://www.gothicsubculture.com/music-description.php
  7. ↑ http://teenshealth.org/en/teens/healthy-relationship.html
  8. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/symptoms-of-codependency/
  9. ↑ http://listverse.com/2013/02/03/10-psychology-tricks-you-can-use-to-influence-people/
  10. ↑ 10.0 10.1 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vanessa-van-edwards/the-psychology-of-attraction_b_4732053.html
  11. ↑ https://web.csulb.edu/divisions/students/hrc/health_topics/choose_partner.htm
  12. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beyond-words/201109/is-nonverbal-communication-numbers-game
  13. ↑ http://psychologia.co/the-power-of-eye-contact/
  14. ↑ http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a40829/scientifically-proven-ways-to-make-someone-fall-for-you/
  15. ↑ http://www.the-scientist.com/?articles.view/articleNo/33563/title/The-Meaning-of-Pupil-Dilation/
  16. ↑ http://www.inc.com/murray-newlands/9-things-incredibly-attractive-people-do.html
  17. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/high-octane-women/201210/emotions-are-contagious-choose-your-company-wisely
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