Avoid Marriage and Other Committed Relationships

Defining the boundaries of a relationship can often be a difficult task, especially if you want to avoid a serious commitment. At some point, some point there will be pressure to commit to a more serious relationship. This pressure may come from a romantic partner or even your family. However, if you are honest and properly define the relationship, you should be able to avoid and confront any unwanted romantic commitments.

Steps

Defining a Relationship

1. Know what you want out of the relationship. Before you entertain any kind of romantic relationship, think about what it is you want. Consider whether or not you are ready to commit to a long term relationship, or want something less serious. It is important that you have a good understanding of what you want before you begin a relationship. This will keep you from telling other people, and yourself, what they want to hear.
   • You need to consider things like whether or not you feel like you “should” be in a relationship as opposed to wanting to be in one.
   • If the idea of “settling down” makes you a little anxious, you might want to reconsider anything serious.
   • If there are extenuating circumstances that are preventing you from being in a relationship, be clear about that. For example, if you want to be able to focus on your professional life, say something like “It’s really important that I focus on my career/studies right now.”
2. Act quickly. It is important to define the status of any romantic relationship as early as possible. Within the first few weeks to a month, have a conversation about where you see the relationship going. If you want to keep things casual, you need to make that clear early on.
   • You might start a conversation about defining your relationship by saying something like “I want to talk about where this is going” or “I want to be clear with you about how I feel.”
3. Be clear about your expectations. When you define your relationship, avoid being vague about what you want from the relationship. This will only lead to misunderstanding and hurt feelings down the road. Let the other person know that you are not interested in a committed relationship and, if they are okay with it, that you would like to keep things casual.
   • Although there might be a strong temptation to be vague, it is ultimately disingenuous and will only hurt the other person.
   • Say things like “I’m not looking for something serious right now” or “I don’t want a serious relationship.”
4. Make your actions match your words. If you tell the other person that you are not interested in a serious relationship, you need to make sure you also act that way. You need to give the other person plenty of distance. Texting and calling them all of the time and hanging out with them regularly will only send mixed signals. You need to be clear with your boundaries and actively maintain them.
   • This point is particularly true of if things get physical. If you tell the other person that you are not interested in a serious relationship, but then engage in physical romance with them, they will likely get the wrong impression.
   • If things do get physical, make sure you and the other person have a conversation about your boundaries.

Confronting a Marriage Proposal

1. Talk honestly with your partner. The easiest way to avoid an unwanted marriage proposal is to let your partner know where you stand in the relationship. Because people change over the course of relationships, it is important to have open and honest conversations with your partner regularly. If your feelings have changed or you find that you are not ready to get married, let them know how you feel. It is important that you talk with your partner about any misgivings that you may have about marrying them.
   • If your attitudes have changed, you might say something like “I know that we said that we would get married someday, but I’m not sure I want that anymore.”
2. Ask questions. If you are in a relationship with someone, letting them know how you feel may not be enough to deflect a proposal. You should also be asking your partner how they feel about marriage. You may find that they are more serious than you are, which is something that you should address.
   • You should ask things like “where do you see this going?” or “do you want to get married someday?”
3. Get help. If you and your partner are at odds about the direction your relationship is going, you may want to get some relationship counseling. A therapist who specializes in helping couples fix their relationships may be able to help you better understand your partner’s desire to get married and, conversely, your aversion to it. This may help you mend your differences and jump start communication between you and your partner.
4. Avoid any ultimatums. If you have been unclear about where you stand in the relationship, your partner might give you an ultimatum. They may say that the two of you should get married or break up. If they give you an ultimatum you should decline and talk with them about why they offered it. You should avoid being coerced into any relationship, particularly marriage.
   • Ideally, if you are honest and communicate your intentions with your partner, you should not have to face an ultimatum.
5. Break up. If you and your partner are unable to resolve your differing opinions about marriage, the best solution may be to end the relationship. This may be difficult but moving on is likely the best option. Again, be sure that you are honest with your partner about why you are leaving the relationship.
   • It is unfair to your partner to continue in a relationship if you do not want to commit to them.
   • Be sure you want to end the relationship. It is important that you are confident that leaving your partner is the best option for you.

Dealing with Pressure from Your Family

1. Be open with your family members. If members of family are pressuring you to get married or find a serious romantic partner, it is important that you are honest and clear with them about why you are not marrying your partner or are not in a committed relationship. You might want to explain to them that you are waiting to meet the right person or that you and your partner are not yet ready for marriage. The more open you are with them, the better.
   • If you’re partnered but not married, you might want to say things like “we’ll get married when we feel ready for it” or “we’re not that serious.”
   • If you are single, you might say something like “I’m waiting for the right person” or “I’m enjoying being single.”
2. Try not to get defensive. Although you might feel the urge to get upset with your family members, try not to lash out at them. The result will likely be that everyone’s feelings get hurt. Try to remember that these people care about you and that their pushiness is a result of their anxiety about you finding happiness.
   • To play things off more casually, try making a joke or say something like “Is there someone that you’d want to set me up with?”
3. Stick to your guns. If your family members are particularly pushy and try setting you up with someone that you are not interested in, you should definitely stand up for yourself and decline. You do not want to be cajoled into a relationship that you are not interested in. It is your life and you should be in the driver’s seat.
   • If you are not interested in being set up, let your family members know that you want do to things your way.
4. Talk it out. If you are unable to resolve your issues with your family, you may want to consider family counseling. This will allow you, and whichever family members are pressuring you, to work out your issues. Once you and your family members have gained a little insight, you may be more accommodating to each other’s views.

Sources and Citations

See also

• Tell if a Man Is Full of It
• Tell when a Guy Is Using You for Sex
• Make a Girl Who Is Really Mad at You Forgive You
• Know if You Are Ready to Have Sex
• Tell if He Really Loves You
• Know You Are Being Scammed in a Relationship
• Avoid Obsessing over a Guy
• Overcome the Fear of Marriage
• Get Respect from Your Boyfriend or Guyfriend
• Slow Down a Relationship

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