Be a Good Girlfriend as a Teen

If you’re super into the person you’re seeing, that’s great! You’ll probably want to be the best girlfriend you can be in order to make the relationship last and to keep it fun for both of you. Being a good girlfriend means knowing how to be a good partner and communicate; it’s not just about buying the person gifts and flattering them.

Steps

Choosing the Right Person

1. Make sure you’re equally mature. This can be a tough one when you’re a teenager. Everyone around you is in the process of maturing, and you’re probably all doing so at different rates. Even so, do your best to pick someone who seems to be at a similar place on that journey as you are. It will ultimately make things easier.
   • A good way to know if you’re equally mature is to notice how comfortable you feel around this person and how easy they are to talk to.
   • Do you find yourself feeling annoyed by them because they’re immature, or do they seem stuck up and think they’re somehow above you and your friends? In either of these cases, you may be at very different levels of maturity.
   • Some people like to say that, “age is just a number.” That’s sometimes true, but age can also be a helpful indicator when you’re trying to tell if a relationship will work out.
2. Share interests. Sharing interests is an important way that people in romantic relationships connect. Of course, you don’t need to have everything in common or like all of the same things, but if you enjoy similar activities, you’ll always be able to find fun things to do together.
   • Meeting someone through an activity you enjoy can make for a great relationship. You could meet a potential partner as part of a club you’re involved in, student government, or an extracurricular activity.
   • If you don’t love the same kinds of activities but you share similar values or backgrounds, that can also be something that brings you together. For example, maybe you love sports but your partner is into the arts. It may seem that you don’t have a lot in common, but if you have similar religious or spiritual practices, that can bring you together in a deep way.
3. Look for someone with self-awareness. This one can be tough when you’re a teen, since not everyone is going to be mature enough to have self-awareness. Self-awareness means that a person has some conscientiousness about their behavior and their effect on others. They’re able to look at themselves honestly and critically and make changes, if needed.
   • A person with self-awareness will have some patience and self-control. They won’t try to rush you or the relationship before you’re ready.
   • Self-awareness helps a person be a better partner because they can see how their actions affect you and the relationship.
4. Choose someone who is respectful. It is important that you find a partner who is respectful and avoid those who might be manipulative or abusive. Early relationships are all about learning, and this is a good time to set your Set Boundaries when Dating and understand your rights in a partnership. Abusive people can be very charming, so it's important you learn to look past what a person says and really look at their behavior and how they treat you.
   • Common characteristics of abusers include: extremes in behavior and mood, overly protective to the point of being controlling, rigid ideas about gender roles, inflexible and judgmental, intense and codependent, bottles up their emotions. This person may also be very charming, talented, and popular. A potentially abusive person may also push for things to get very serious very quickly.
   • If you notice troubling signs from this person — they demand that you always check in with them, they try to control how you dress, they constantly criticize you or put you down, they don't acknowledge your feelings — then this is not someone you should get involved with. As much as you may like the person or feel like they are just misunderstood, this is not a healthy dynamic.
   • Set boundaries about what you will and will not accept in a relationship and stick to them. For instance, you may set a boundary that you will not be with someone who calls you names or will not respect your desire to take things slow. If the person you are interested in knowingly violates these boundaries and chooses not to respect them, then you should end the relationship.
5. Take it slow. When you meet someone you’re super excited about, you may want to dive right into a relationship with them. That can be thrilling in the moment, but you may get hurt if the relationship crashes and burns.
   • Let yourself date for a while before deciding to officially be this person’s girlfriend. If they press the issue, you can be honest.
   • Say something like, “I really like you, which is why I want to take things slowly. I want to make sure that if I’m going to be your girlfriend, I can be a great girlfriend.”
   • You can also say something like, “I really like you, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to be someone’s girlfriend,” if that’s how you feel.

Treating your Partner Well

1. Learn to compromise. Anyone who’s ever been in a relationship will tell you that being able to compromise is key; however, it’s important to know the difference between healthy compromises and unhealthy ones.
   • Both you and your partner are going to have to do some compromising for the relationship to work. Figure out what’s important to you and communicate about that. For example, you can say, “I take dance really seriously, so it’s important to me that you come to all of my recitals if you can.”
   • Let this go both ways. If your partner has said that an event is really important to them, make the time to attend, even if it’s not your usual type of thing.
   • As a couple, you won’t always do things the way you would do them yourself. For example, your partner might want to stay up later that you normally would, or might want to go to a movie or restaurant that wouldn’t always be your first choice. That’s perfectly normal. Make sure that you both give a little.
2. Stay faithful. This one is crucial for a healthy relationship. If you’ve committed to being someone’s girlfriend, that generally means that you’ve committed to being romantic only with them until you break up. Avoid flirting or otherwise being romantic with other people.
   • Some people prefer to be in open relationships where it’s okay to be romantic or sexual with more than one person; however, this takes a lot of maturity and communication from all parties. Never assume a relationship is open or think that it’s okay to act on this without talking about it.
   • Though flirting with someone else is not technically cheating, it can make some people jealous. Avoid doing this in front of your partner out of respect. Would you like it if they flirted with someone else in front of you?
   • If you find yourself seriously tempted to cheat, you may not be ready for a relationship, or this may not be the right person for you right now.
3. Keep the friendship intact. If you like someone enough to be their girlfriend, you hopefully like them enough to be their friend, too. Friends know how to have fun together and support each other. Keep those things at the center of your relationship, even though it’s now romantic.
   • Ask your partner how their day was. Check in with them when they’re sick or struggling. Send them cute notes and make sure they know you care.
   • Keep doing the kinds of things you enjoy together. Just because you’re a couple doesn’t mean that now you have to spend all of your time cuddling or kissing. That’s an easy way to lose some of the powerful connection you initially shared.
4. Suggest fun date ideas. Don’t assume your partner will have all of the great date ideas. Show that you’re invested in the relationship and in staying active together by coming up with fun things you can do together.
   • Classic dates include movies, dinner, sporting events, and concerts.
   • You can also go for fun outdoor dates like hikes, bike rides, or a walk in the park or a swim in a nearby lake or river.
   • Volunteer somewhere together, such as at a soup kitchen or community event.
   • Sign up to run or walk a local 5K together.
5. Support each other. A big reason many people seek out partners is for the companionship and support they offer. Being a good girlfriend means being a support for your partner during good times and bad.
   • If you know your partner isn’t feeling well or is having a hard time, send them a cute note or a handmade card. Let them know you’re thinking about them and ask if there’s anything you can do to help.
   • If you don’t live near your partner or you don’t go to school together, send them messages to let them know you miss them and are thinking about them.
   • Offer to help when help is needed. They may need help studying for a test, putting up posters for their student government campaign, or setting up for a party. Let them know you’re happy to help if they need it.

Behaving in Public

1. Maintain your individuality. You probably know couples that seem so into each other that they do absolutely everything together. While this may seem like total bliss, it’s actually usually not very healthy. In a healthy relationship, each person maintains their own sense of self, even when they do things together.
   • It’s great to be willing to try new things because your partner is into them; just make sure you’re being honest about your actual level of interest. And make sure to keep up with your own interests as well.
   • Make sure you both still spend time doing things on your own with your own friends. Your partner may need some time to just hang out with friends without you. That’s perfectly healthy. Make sure you take the time to do the same, too.
   • Try saying something like, "I love spending time with you and I also love spending time with my friends. I haven't seen them all week, so I'm going to hang out with them on Friday and we can plan to see each other another day."
2. Keep private matters off of social media. Sometimes, something will happen in your relationship and you’ll just want to vent or gush to the whole world; however, remember that things that end up on social media can be seen by tons of people, sometimes forever.
   • Even if you want to let the world know how wonderful and sweet your partner is because of something they did for you, tone it down. Remember that they might be embarrassed or have thought of that gesture as something private and just between you.
   • Likewise, if you had a big fight or they did something that upset you, stop yourself before you tell the whole world about that, too. That may make them even more embarrassed, and could make things between you even worse.
3. Refrain from gossip. Refraining from gossip means that you don’t listen to gossip or start it yourself. Gossip can mean telling people private things about your partner that other people wouldn’t know. It can also mean listening to things people tell you about them.
   • Especially in high school, people can be prone to gossiping about each other’s relationships. If you hear something about your partner or your relationship that’s news to you, ask them about it before engaging in gossip or believing what someone else tells you.
   • If you want to share something from your relationship with friends, check in with your partner to find out what they think of as particularly private. If they’ve said something like, “This is just between us,” you know that it’s not something you should share.

Tips

• Always be yourself. Remember that your partner likes and appreciates you for who you are. That’s why you’re together!
• When it’s time to break up, be honest about your feelings, but know that you’ll have other relationships in your life that will be meaningful as well.

Warnings

• Sex and sexuality are parts of romantic relationships. Physical intimacy can be very exciting but can also result in difficult feelings, the spread of STIs, and even pregnancy. Make sure to communicate clearly and consistently when the subject of sex comes up, and always use protection, such as condoms.
• Being a good girlfriend never means getting more physically intimate than you’re ready for, or engaging in sexual behavior when you don’t want to. If you feel that you’re being pressured to have sex or be intimate, you need to talk to your partner to address that right away.

Sources and Citations

See also

• Touch a Girl
• Be a Good Boyfriend in Middle School
• Act Silly with Your Boyfriend
• Be Romantic with Your Boyfriend
• Have a Good Relationship in Middle School(Girls)
• Not Lose Your Girlfriend
• Make Your Relationship Work
• Buy a Gift for Your Boyfriend
• Make Your Girlfriend Happy
• Treat a Girl the Way She Should Be Treated

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What links here

• Be a Good Girlfriend
• Be a Good Boyfriend As a Teen
• Be a Better Girlfriend
• Be a Good Girlfriend in Middle School
• Get a Great Relationship As a Teenager