Be a Good Boyfriend As a Teen

It's hard enough to learn how to be a good boyfriend at any age, but it's even harder to be a good boyfriend as a teen because it's likely that you and your girlfriend don't have much dating experience. Still, if you learn to communicate and stay attentive and affectionate, you'll be on your way to being a great boyfriend as a teen in no time at all.

Steps

Communicate Well

  1. Be honest. If you want to be a good boyfriend as a teen, then you have to learn to be honest with your girlfriend. This doesn't mean that you have to tell her every thought that runs through your head, but it does mean that you should be able to tell her if you're in a bad mood, if you're upset because you did poorly on the math test, or that you wish she wouldn't call you every five minutes.
    • Part of honesty is tact. If you have to be honest about something you wish she did or didn't do, tell her in a kind and sympathetic way so she doesn't get mad at you.
    • Don't pretend that you never had another girlfriend if you did. You don't have to go into all the details with your girlfriend, but you shouldn't lie about your past.
    • You don't have to tell your girlfriend everything -- for example, if you think the girl in your gym class is cute, you can just keep that to yourself.
    • If she finds out that you've been dishonest, that will break her trust very quickly.
  2. Compromise. Part of growing up and being a good boyfriend, as well as being a good son and friend, is learning that you can't always get what you want. You may want to see the new Bond movie with your friends, but she may really want to have a date night -- you have to learn how to pick your battles and how to make sure that both people in the relationship are happy.
    • Remember that it's better to be happy than right. If you think your girlfriend really wants something while you just kind of want it, let her get her way.
    • Be mature. If you and your girlfriend are arguing about something, sit down and make a list of all the pros and cons of each decision. That can help you both get perspective on the situation.
    • Make sure that both people are compromising. It's not a real compromise if you always end up getting your way, or if your girlfriend always ends up getting what she wants.
    • Learn to take turns. Maybe you can pick the dinner place tonight, but she can pick the movie tomorrow.
  3. Say you're sorry. Part of being a master communicator is learning to say you're sorry if you made a mistake. You may think that admitting you're wrong will only make you look worse, but quite the contrary is true. If you acknowledge that you've made a mistake and even apologize by giving the girl flowers or a sweet note, she'll like you much more than if you ignore the fact that you did something wrong and hope she'll get over it.
    • It's not easy to say you're sorry -- it can be very humiliating or embarrassing. But if you get into the habit of apologizing when you've done something wrong, it will feel much more natural.
    • When you say you're sorry, you should sound like you mean it. Sit down, look into your girlfriend's eyes, and even take her hands if you need to. This will show her that you're making time to apologize. If you just mutter the word "Sorry" as you pass by, or apologize in a text message, she won't take you seriously.
  4. Don't fight without reason. It's important to have disagreements from time to time and to work together to find a solution to the problem, but constantly fighting for no reason and with little provocation is a quick way to ruin your relationship. Teenage couples are prone to fighting a lot because they don't have a lot of experience compromising or having serious discussions with people they're romantically involved with, and this does take practice.
    • Whenever you find yourself raising your voice or even shouting, just calm down and take a few deep breaths. You won't resolve anything if you're feeling emotional or heated.
    • If you think your girlfriend is starting a lot of fights, communicate about why this is happening and how it can be changed.
    • If you're kind of annoyed about something minor and have the urge to pick a fight, ask yourself if it's really worth it.
    • Don't let your anger build up -- if you're really mad about something, it's better to communicate about it than to avoid the topic and wait for weeks until so much anger has built up that you feel like fighting.

Be Attentive

  1. Understand her moods. Some teenage girls are prone to mood swings because of their raging hormones, and because of the natural confusion that comes with growing up. If you want to be a good boyfriend, then you have to be attentive to her moods and to understand when she's feeling happy or when she's annoyed or even upset. She may be trying to hide her moods, but as you get to know her better, you should understand how she's really feeling.
    • If she's clearly upset about something, you can ask her to open up about why. If she doesn't want to talk about it, don't push it or keep asking about it, or she'll feel much worse.
    • If she's sad, give her some love and affection. Ask if she wants to stay in instead of going out, or how she feels like dealing with her mood. She may want to be left alone, or she may just want to snuggle with you.
    • Don't say, "I can tell you're in a bad mood." Instead, say, "Is something wrong? I'm worried that you're upset. Talk to me." If you accuse her of being in a bad mood, she may get annoyed and defensive.
  2. Do her favors. If you really want to be a good boyfriend, then you should be attentive to her needs. Maybe she's really busy during lunch because she has to cram for her Spanish exam -- offer to buy her lunch in the lunch line while she studies. If she stays home sick, offer to pick up her homework from her teachers.
    • If she needs a ride somewhere, offer to give her one if you can drive.
    • If she needs help, she may not admit it right away, so be attentive and see if there's anything you can do.
    • Make sure there's a balance. If you do favors for her, she should help you out, too. If it's a one-way street, then she may be taking advantage of you.
  3. Be supportive. You should recognize that your girlfriend is her own person and that you should support her as she tries to reach her goals as well as when she deals with any conflict in her life. Here are some ways to be supportive:
    • If you know she has a big test coming up, then you should either give her space to study or help her if you can.
    • If she's really passionate about soccer, tennis, or some other school sport, then you should cheer her on the sidelines during her big games.
    • If she's going through some trouble at home, make sure to be extra attentive and to ask if there's anything you can do. And if she doesn't want to talk about it, she doesn't want to talk about it.
    • Ask about her interests. If you know she's passionate about painting or playing the violin, support her by letting her talk about these interests and sharing how much they mean to her.
  4. Pay attention to her friends. It's very important to be attentive to your girlfriend, and it's also key to pay attention to her friends. Friends can make or break teenage relationships, and if her friends love you, they'll tell her how lucky she is to have found an amazing guy like you. But if they don't like you because you're rude or ignore them, they'll tell her that you're a jerk and may even convince her that she can do better and that she should break up with you ASAP.
    • Be friendly to her friends. Say hi, even if your girlfriend isn't around, and ask them how they're doing. You can even talk to them about their interests and get to know them a bit.
    • Don't ignore them. If you approach your girlfriend when she's with a group of friends, make sure to greet them when you do.
    • Don't tell your girlfriend that you don't like her friends. Even if they're a little annoying, they mean a lot to her, and if you admit this, you'll be making a rift in your relationship.
  5. Don't ignore her in front of your friends. This is an important point. If your girlfriend is hanging out with you and your buddies, or even if you're hanging out in a group surrounded by all of your friends, you should still pay attention to her and let her know that she's important to you. Don't ditch her as soon as your friends show up, or she'll start to feel like a burden or like a last priority.
    • If you two are hanging out with your friends, you should sit next to her and include her in the conversation. Don't leave her hanging.
    • Help your friends get to know her. If your friends are shy or awkward around your girlfriend, it'll be hard to have a good time. Bring up some common interests for your friends and your girlfriend to talk about.
  6. Pay attention to your looks. If you want to be a good boyfriend, you should be attentive to your appearance. You don't have to look like a teenage pop star to show your girlfriend that you care about how you look when you're around her. Just shower regularly, shave if that's what you normally do, and wear flattering, well-fitting, and unwrinkled clothes.
    • If you look sloppy around her, she'll think that she's not important to you.
    • It's important to look nice, especially before you pick her up on a date. Show her that she's worth the effort it takes to look nice.
  7. Be a gentleman. Though it may be hard to be a gentleman when you're a teenager, you should try to treat your girlfriend with respect as much as you can. Part of being a gentleman means being attentive to your girlfriend's needs, from opening the door for her or her friends to hanging up her coat if she comes over.
    • If you pick her up, open the car door for her.
    • Let her walk into a room first, before you.
    • If she looks cold, offer her your coat.
    • If you take her out to dinner, pull out her chair for her to sit down.
  8. Know when she needs space. If you really want to be attentive, then you should notice when your girlfriend wants to be left alone. Space and privacy are necessary for every healthy relationship, so don't be put off if it seems like your girlfriend wants a night to herself or even a night with the girls. If you're always around, then your relationship may be becoming too intense. Take some time apart from your girlfriend so you have time to gain perspective and realize how much you miss each other.
    • If you're always around, then she may start to feel that you're controlling or domineering. Let her do her own thing.
    • If she wants to be alone, be cool with it. If you look upset or hurt, she'll think you're insecure.
    • Leave some room in her schedule. Don't try to plan your weekends so you're together every second and don't have time for your families or other friends.

Be Affectionate

  1. Compliment her. It's natural if you feel a bit shy about complimenting your girlfriend. If you're a teen, then this may be your first, or one of your first relationships, and you may feel awkward about telling your girlfriend that she looks nice or for complimenting her outfit, but you should get into the habit of complimenting her. This will let her know that you like her and notice her, and that she means a lot to you.
    • You should compliment her even more if she gets a new haircut or wears a new outfit.
    • You can tell her she looks pretty whenever you want to -- it doesn't have to be only when she's all dressed up. If she looks cute in a tank top and a pair of casual shorts, let her know.
    • You don't have to overdo it -- just make sure to compliment her at least once every time you see her.
    • You don't only have to compliment her looks -- you can compliment an aspect of her personality, like her amazing sense of humor, or you can tell her that she's an amazing gymnast or that she's great at French.
  2. Give her physical affection. If you want to be affectionate, you should put your arm around your girlfriend from time to time, hold hands, or even give her a quick kiss when you see her. You don't have to overwhelm her or put your hands all over her whenever you see her, but you should give her some sign that you like being around her, even if it's just a gentle squeeze on the hand after class.
    • Learn to cuddle. Spend some time hugging her, stroking her hair, or showering her with kisses. Put you arms around her waist! Girls love this, they feel protected and safe in your arms.
    • Only be as affectionate as she wants you to be. Don't make her feel like she's getting groped in public or like she doesn't have room to breathe.
    • Take it easy on the PDA (Public Display of Affection). You'll find that often, the couples that are the most comfortable with each other don't need to hold hands 24/7 or to make out in public. You can show her affection in public, but only as much as makes her comfortable.
  3. Ask her if she is ready to take the next step. Do not pressure her though. It will make her very uncomfortable.
    • You can do this by literally asking her.
    • You can also try something new out whenever it seems natural, whether during a kiss or something out of the blue. But just be careful to read both her verbal reactions and her physical cues clearly, and stop if she's not comfortable.
    • Don't rush her! Let her work at her own pace. If she says she doesn't want to, don't keep asking, or you could jeopardize how safe she feels with you.
  4. Give her small gifts. Gifts are a great way to show your affection for your girlfriend, no matter how small or silly they are. If you're a teen, you probably don't have a lot of spending money, and you don't have to save up to get her a diamond necklace. Just give her a cute and silly teddy bear for Valentine's Day, a bouquet of flowers on her birthday, or tickets to the movie she wanted to see as a special treat.
    • It's not the actual gift that counts -- it's the gesture. A gift shows that you've taken the time to think about her.
  5. Leave her sweet notes. Sweet notes are another old-fashioned and romantic way to let your girlfriend know that you've been thinking about her. Leave them in her locker or hand them to her after school, or even at the end of a romantic date. You don't have to say much in the notes -- just tell her that you've been thinking about her and compliment something about her.
    • Don't leave the notes if it feels forced. But if you really want to show your affection this way, she'll love it.
    • You can also just text her randomly, saying things like "I love you" or "Thinking of you". This feels a little less personal than leaving notes, but it is better than nothing, especially if you're apart for a period of time and can't leave her notes.
  6. Make time for romance. Part of being affectionate is making time when just the two of you can hang out, go on a date, and talk about how much you like each other -- or about nothing at all. You should try to have a "date night" at least once every week or two so you and your girlfriend can have time to make your relationship move forward.
    • You and your girlfriend can alternate picking where you'll go and what you'll do. Maybe she wants to go mini-golfing one weekend and you want to go to the beach another time.
    • Almost any situation can be romantic if you're alone with your girlfriend and show her lots of affection. You can have a romantic time at the county fair or even when you're watching a silly movie.
    • You should also make time for the guys, but don't make your girlfriend feel like she's the last priority.

Making it Last

  1. Pursue some interests together. If you want to be a good boyfriend and to make your relationship last a long time, then you and your girlfriend should find some interests to pursue together. Though it may be hard to do this with your busy schedules, you should find an activity that you both like to do, like playing tennis together on weekends, or trying every sushi restaurant in town.
    • You can even find a new TV show that you're both addicted to.
    • It doesn't matter what you do -- what matters is that you're building more interests together, which will give you more to look forward to and to talk about throughout the course of your relationship.
  2. Keep it fresh. If you've been with your girlfriend for a while, things can begin to fall into a routine, and you may feel like your relationship is losing that special spark. Make sure to keep things interesting by finding new ways to compliment your girlfriend, going to new spots during your date nights, and finding new interests to pursue together.
    • Be spontaneous. Pick her up after school and drive her to a park for an impromptu picnic.
    • Don't do the same thing every weekend. Make sure you try at least one new things together every time you go out, even if it means seeing the same movie in a different theater.
    • Don't forget about your looks. You should continue to look nice, even if you've been together for a while. If you slack off in this department, she may think you don't care anymore.
  3. Avoid Being Co Dependent If you're in a teenage relationship, then it's never a good idea to spend all of your time together with your significant other. Let's face it -- teenage relationships are less likely to last than adult relationships, or even college relationships, so you shouldn't invest 100% of your time in each other or you may both be disappointed. Your relationship can continue to grow and strengthen while both of you still remember who you are without each other.
    • Continue to make time for your guy friends. Don't ditch them completely to hang out with your girlfriend.
    • Don't let your girlfriend ditch her friends to hang out with you all the time, either.
    • Don't stop pursuing your interests just because of your girlfriend. Continue to practice with your band, even if she doesn't like the music.
    • If you and your girlfriend are always together, you won't have any room to step back and gain some perspective. Being apart helps you value what you have, and to think about anything that may not be working.
  4. Don't move too fast. If you're a teenage guy, then it's likely that you have raging hormones and want to make out, or do much more, with your girlfriend whenever you can. But whether you want to move a little further than kissing or to go all the way, you have to make sure that your girlfriend is completely ready to take this step.
    • Don't ever pressure your girlfriend to do more than she wants to do. She may feel forced to give in to you, and she will regret it later.
    • If you keep trying to move too fast, your girlfriend may think that you're not in the relationship for the right reasons.
    • Let your girlfriend make the calls sometimes. Wait for her to tell you what she wants instead of making it clear that you want more.
    • You should avoid moving too fast not only in the bedroom, but in general. Don't start talking about college or your potential futures together until you've been together for a long time and feel truly serious about each other.
  5. Text back. When you don't text back, she may get paranoid, so when you do text back say "Sorry I took so long, I had to help my mom", or whatever reason you didn't reply.
    • Take care when you text other friends. Girlfriends can get very jealous if they see you texting another girl. However, this doesn't mean you can't text other girls. If you are going to text another girl, just make it clear that you are taken and do not flirt with them. If your girl catches you texting another girl in a more than friendly way, she'll drop you faster than hot coal, unless she loves you.
  6. Remember how lucky you are. She's beautiful, gorgeous, lovely, and kind, and that other girl you just glanced at is not worth it. Your girlfriend will probably do anything for you, so don't forget how much you mean to her.
    • Let her know you care. Sometimes she will want to be treated like the only person who matters, show her you care about her by telling her so. Listen to her ideas and opinions, if you disagree with them no need to start an argument, sharing ideologies can be fun.
    • Do not talk about her faults. Never ever talk about her faults or flaws, your opinion is very important to her so by saying mean things you could really damage her self-esteem. Recognize her good qualities and make sure she knows about them. However, if you girlfriend is...let's say, really bossy and controlling, this may be something you need to point out.
  7. Be there for her. If she is in a spot of trouble, help the girl out. Always be there for your girlfriend when she needs help and back her up when she needs it. If she is sad, try to help her sort out her problems and she should do the same for you. Remember, relationships are a two-way street, she has to put in effort too.

Tips

  • This cannot be stressed enough, when your girlfriend is talking to you, maintain eye contact. Don't look away this can be seen as you're not listening.
  • When she is venting about something (whether it's about her life or about your relationship,) don't turn it into something about you. She's just telling you her feelings. Tell her your feelings at another time.
  • Don't change for her. She's going out with you, isn't she? That means that she likes you for who you are.
  • Make an effort to get along with her friends. Be friendly, but don't flirt with them. Your girlfriend could easily be hurt by this. Do your best not to argue with them. Make a good connection with them since they know her best and can influence her thoughts about you.
  • Be cheesy. Roses for Valentine's day, telling her she's beautiful when she's wearing sweatpants, etc. but don't over-do it. That's never attractive.
  • Be caring, nice, and funny! Girls always want a little laughter.
  • Let her play with your hair, even if she's messing it up. Don't make a big deal about it because she will feel bad about it. She'll also feel like she can't touch you anymore, or can't be comfortable around you which you obviously don't want!
  • Don't be paranoid. Let her talk to other guys, don't always worry that she's gonna break up with you, don't always wonder if she's pissed, etc. Just love her as much as you can and treat her right and hopefully everything will turn out right.
  • If she thinks that you are cheating on her, or that you like someone else; make sure that you remind her how much you love her. Do something cute, or really nice to remind her that she means so much to you.
  • Make sure that you don't say "I love you" too early in a relationship. You should always wait at the very least a few weeks before telling her that; not only because you really need to mean it, but because you need to be sure the relationship won't just start and stop in a short period of time. It hurts so very much to be told you're loved and wanted and be told the exact opposite a couple months into the relationship.
  • Vary your word choice. Don't always call her "beautiful" and don't always call her "sexy." Mix it up. Better yet, compliment her on things other than her appearance or on things uniquely attractive on her. (For example: her adorable nose, her confidence in any situation, her graceful neck, the way she accepts everyone for who they are, etc.)
  • Make sure you talk to her every single day. It doesn't matter if it is a text, or a call, or if it is in person. Make sure she knows you care and love her.
  • Opposites attract. You can like different things. Even if you have lots in common, you can still like different things and have a strong relationship.
  • Listen to her music before you decide you don't like it. Even if it's a genre you don't normally pay attention to. If after some time you still don't like it, try to nicely tell her you have other interests. Share your music with her. Don't tell her it's "gay," that's very offensive.
  • Answer her phone calls, and don't complain if she wakes you up.
  • Don't obsess about her past. She's with you now and that's what's important.
  • When you are upset and she goes to comfort you, don't be afraid to show emotions, but don't overdo it! Girls love it when their guy feels comfortable enough with them to shed a few tears when they are sad, or stressed, or are just feeling a little under the weather. And remember, it's not good to keep your most private emotions from the girl you love.
  • Don't try too hard. Girls find it kind of weird when guys try to impress them too much. But some girls do like when you try to impress them a little bit.
  • Bring her flowers from time to time
  • Don't stare at her breast when you are talking.
  • When you give her gifts for her birthday, don't give her money or gift cards, make them real gifts. It lets her know you care and that you don't think of her as a prostitute.
  • Don't not rush your relationship because you feel pressured to enter a deeper relationship. Remember that you are young and have lots of time.
  • Don't let every fight mean you have to break up. Even the best couples fight but they get through it. Never threaten to break up during a fight because it means the relationship is always one fight away from ending.
  • Remember don't be too clingy and give her space as well as time.
  • Always mean it when you say sorry to her.
  • Compliment her not her body. Eg. Don't say you look good in that dress instead say that dress looks good on you!
  • If someone insults your girlfriend, stand up for her and be defensive. Girls love guys who do that.
  • Ask her if it is okay to do things with her around other people, or in public.

Warnings

  • Don't cheat on her. Cheating on her is a big no. If you do, she will eventually find out. This also applies, for the girl, if she cheats on you, this is also unacceptable.
  • Don't let what other people say matter. If you hear others talking, saying mean things about her, don't let it affect you. You love her for who she is, other people's opinions shouldn't matter.
  • If you aren't feeling the same way about her, tell her. Its damaging to be in a relationship, without knowing the others feelings.
  • Don't tell her to get off your lap. If your leg is falling asleep have her change her position a little. Be gentle. If you tell her to get off, she'll think she's fat or heavy.
  • If she has guy friends, don't get jealous. It's annoying and incredibly clingy. Just tell her subtly that it kind of bothers you that she spends so much of her time with them. Never overdo it.
  • Don't try to make her jealous, or suggest that she may be jealous. But if you do suppose she is jealous, give her some extra affection.
  • Don't be jealous of her exes. She's with you, not with them. In the same way, don't make her jealous of your exes. Keep conversations about them to an absolute minimum.
  • Don't tell her you think other girls are hot, even if she asks your opinion. This can be very damaging. You don't want to hear about how much she likes Taylor Lautner. It's the same with her. She doesn't want to hear you talk about Megan Fox. It's worst for girls since they're extra insecure.
  • Remember that no matter who, no matter when, any guy has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet. No woman wakes up saying, "God, I hope I don't get swept off my feet today!" You just have to get on the right path.
  • Never ask for nude pictures. If she wants you to see her naked, she'll do it for you in person.

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