Be an Attractive and Approachable Girl

Do you need to put your best self forward? Are you shy, and think you're invisible? Do you want guys to notice you without compromising yourself or changing your personality? This is not a personality makeover, it's just a few ways to let your 'awesomeness' become more obvious.

Steps

How do others see you?

  1. Compare yourself to a few friends. Most of the time when we look into a mirror, we see what we are used to seeing and not always what is there. We are more likely to see our reflection and notice the minor things that no one else would and make a big deal about. Also, the way we perceive ourselves is very different from the way other people perceive us. The idea of this is to give you a more accurate physical description of yourself by comparing the way you look with someone else. This is not meant to be a negative comparison, which is something we do often.
  2. Don't look at the girl next to you and think "Her hair is so perfect and mine is such a mess," or "Her skin is flawless and mine is horrible". This is not the comparison this article is talking about.
  3. Call a friend over and make her stand next to you and look at the two of you in the mirror. Check your physical attributes with hers. Is your hair longer, shorter, curlier or straighter? Is your skin paler or darker? Are your eyes large or small? All you have to do is identify your physical attributes. They are yours and yours alone! They are not better or worse than anyone else. They are yours to use. And you have to accept that though you may want someone else's eyes, or nose, they may be wanting yours! You are unique, so remember that.
  4. Write what you have observed down: For example, your list might be something like: "Medium length hair, eyes close together, full lips, below average height, normal skin, generally wear dark clothes, no jewelry". Look over the list. Go over this list and tell yourself that this is you. Whatever guy you get has to like you with all of this.
  5. Understand that this is how other people view you, and that is how they will describe you if asked. Make sure that you are alright with this. No matter how deflated your ego is, you have to accept that you were made this way and are wonderful. Think of all the famous movie and television stars that have less than perfect features. Noses that are too long and too short, heights that are way above or below average, skin that is all kinds of different colors. What makes them beautiful is the fact that they like who they are (and maybe have an expensive makeup artist, but the most beautiful celebrities will look wonderful with or without makeup, and it's because they have confidence). Do not continue until you have understood and accepted that the way you look is perfect...for you.

Expressing your true self

  1. Examine your personality. What are the things you like? The things you don't like? What are the things you are proud of? You might have great taste in music, but if no one knows about it, you really aren't likely to meet someone who likes the same music as you (unless they have talked to you, of course). Ever felt like there is no one in school/college who is like you? It's just because you don't know where they are.
  2. Express your personality! Referring to the music example, a way you could express your taste in music is by getting pins or shirts of your favorite bands. You can put the pins on your bag and wear the shirts once in a while. You will be expressing yourself to anyone who happens to look at you, without actually saying anything. Decorate your notebooks with pictures, quotes, anything that exposes the way you think. It's more worthwhile to do this on notebooks than lockers. Only you and a few people see the inside of your locker. Utilize anything that is likely to be seen.
  3. Be vocal. Not loud, not talkative, not overly friendly. But make sure that everyone in school has at least heard your voice once. Whether it was when you asked a question in class or said "sorry, Excuse me" when you bumped into someone, make sure you use your voice. Don't talk when you're not comfortable, but if you think you can add something to the conversation, just open up and say it. Another thing you want to do, is talk more when people usually talk less, and talk less when people usually talk more. For example, if you crash into someone else, most people would just say "Sorry" or "Excuse me" and continue moving. You ought to extend that. Say something like "Oh, I'm so sorry, are you alright?". When people are asked something like "Do you have any plans over the weekend?", the average person will launch into a long detailed explanation of what they are doing and why and invite anyone else to come along. With something like that be brief. The purpose of this is to make your reactions out of the ordinary. They are more likely to remember you if you stand out, even if it's something as small as the length of your sentence.

Finessing your appearance

  1. Spend time on your appearance/ You can't expect people to bother with you if you don't bother with yourself. Try a bit of make up but never go overboard. A suggestion would be to focus on the eyes. Nobody ever has ugly or unflattering eyes. If you play the eyes up, not only will you look cool, but when people are talking to you, they'll be more focused. When guys talk about their favorite things about girls, they almost never mention the eyes as the top factor, but even they might not realize that it's the eye contact that starts the attraction in the first place.
  2. Change your look, slightly. Try something new. Do you always wear your hair up? Let it down and see how it looks. Again, this works best with the comparison technique. Don't implement it unless you like it, and don't implement it immediately either. You still have some more things to get in order before you can wow everyone.
  3. Wear bright colors. This is a small but important thing. Guys generally notice girls when they are––well let's just say when they aren't wearing something that is the same color as the locker or wall. They also associate bright colors with confidence and approachability.
  4. Do not hunch when you walk. This is a very small thing but very important. People tend to notice you only if you're standing properly. It also makes you more elegant and makes you look confident and approachable.

Increasing your approachability

  1. Start smiling. If you catch someone's eye (guy or girl) and if you look at someone at the exact same instant they see you, smile. Just a small, modest kind of smile. The one that says "huh, we saw each other at the same time" not one that says "ooh eye contact! Awesome!" or "Are you checking me out". A half smile will do. Try not to show your teeth though. That is one thing that can be interpreted as a possible flirt move (if it's a guy) or an overly friendly move (if it's another girl). If someone makes a joke, laugh! Don't giggle. Don't smile. Jokes are meant to stimulate laughter. If it's a lame joke, laugh at its 'lameness'. Not only will this improve your mood and give you a bit of a confidence boost, the people around you will notice you more.
  2. Get involved in something in which none of your friends are involved. This will require a bit of courage, but think about it, if none of your friends are into it, even if you do something stupid, they won't be there to laugh at you. You can join a club or a team. Make sure you are interested in what you pick though. The advantage of this is not only meeting new people, but meeting people you would have never met otherwise, and also a chance to be more confident. If none of the people you know are around, you can let yourself go a bit. Be slightly more vocal and outgoing. The other kids don't know you aren't usually like that. And you will even enjoy yourself more. Everyone needs to be a little unusual sometimes. Make sure you aren't doing a 180 degree personality change!
  3. Initiate conversation. If you find yourself alone with someone, make a comment or smile at them and introduce yourself. If you wait for other people to make the first move always, you will be the invisible girl until senior year. If you get nervous around guys, do this with girls. They might be cynical and even rude, but remember that it doesn't matter. You're improving yourself, not looking for a new best friend. Remember to not take any negative comment personally. Besides, what are they going to do anyway? Sue you for saying "hello" and smiling at them? It's ok if they ignore you. The idea is to start taking the initiative to talk. And some people might be nice to you and you might make a new friend...sure they won't replace your best friend, but it's still nice to have someone to wave to in the hallway. You aren't losing anything if you take the initiative. You might lose something if you don't. Once you are comfortable starting a conversation with girls, you can move onto the guys. The best way to start with a guy is by just smiling and saying "Hey" and wait for him to respond, not too much conversation, if you see them again, you can start a proper conversation.
  4. Implement the 'changed look' mentioned earlier. Now that you have a few friends outside your circle (or just acquaintances even, that's fine) and now that you are a bit more confident and not afraid to be visible. As long as you think you look good, you don't need to worry about other people. Put a bit of effort in the way you look and imagine yourself as an older and confident woman. Usually imagining yourself older would give your step a bit of an edge, a purpose. Kind of like playing dress-up. Also remember, if one of the more popular people go out of their way to comment or even be mean, it means they noticed you and that you can't be ignored. And most of the time, it means that they have something to be jealous of or threatened by. They might even insult you (although it's nice if they don't) because you look prettier than them.
  5. Do not be afraid to make fun of yourself. One sure way to make other people comfortable around you is actually to poke a bit of fun at yourself. For example, if you're entering a room and you trip, laugh it off and say something like "Wow, I'm such a klutz today". Not only will it make you feel less bad when someone else laughs at you, it will improve your approachability. Someone who can laugh at themselves (and others sometimes without being mean) is a rare and amazing person. Hey, no one's perfect. And wouldn't you rather make fun of yourself rather than someone else doing it for you?
  6. Do not be a people-pleaser. If one of your new (or old) friends asks you to do something you don't want to do. Give them the 'look', the one a teacher might give you if you say "my dog ate my homework", a semi-amused, semi non-believing expression. Just smile a little bit, give out your best sarcastic/amused expression and just shake your head no. If they ask "why" look at them straight in the eye and say "why not?". If they pressurize you, don't panic. Don't yell or say "no! you can't make me! get away!". Keep eye contact and even laugh if you can. Sarcasm would be very useful in a case like this, and wit. Leave them with the kind of insult that would make them think, and that would give you enough time to get away. If you think you're being pressurized too much, walk away. Not only will that make you stronger as a person, but you'll show others that you are confident and you dare to say no when you mean no. Most people don't. And that's why, saying no is much more attractive and inspiring than saying yes, even if people don't realize it at the time.
  7. Love yourself. Love the way you are, the way you've changed. Contentment is contagious.

Tips

  • Be yourself and love your personality.
  • If you are very shy about talking to guys, start with a guy who is not one to inspire nervousness. Start with your teacher, asking about an assignment or something. Then go to the other 'invisible' guys around, the ones who aren't confident either, strike up a conversation with them. It would help a lot because if you initiate the conversation you would be more confident than them and they are not at all likely to shut you down or make fun of you if they are shy too.

Warnings

  • Never be rude. Rudeness is never attractive. Sarcasm can be. But not impoliteness...ever. Even if you are sorely tempted to be mean. Don't.
  • Do not do this just to be popular. It's not supposed to put you in the spotlight, it is just to make sure you're in a place where you can be seen, heard and appreciated.
  • Do not compromise your existing friendships unless you really didn't want to be part of them in the first place.
  • If you aren't happy, with the way you've changed, you can change back to your old self. This isn't a transformation, the results are entirely dependent on you. It's a choice, and it's your choice.
  • If you get faced with a lot of peer pressure, talk it out. With your friends, an adult or an anonymous helpline even.
  • Do not be too picky about the kind of guy you want to attract or amaze. Don't even start off thinking that way. The idea is to make you feel more attractive and approachable, not to get you hitched to your dream guy for prom. Remember that everyone deserves a chance.

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