Change Into the Person You Desire

Have you recently looked at yourself beneath a magnifying glass and realized you're not so fond of what you see? Most people come to a point when they want to improve who they are. Changing yourself into the person you desire is a really big undertaking, so don't get down on yourself if change doesn't come as quickly as you like. Just be sure to measure the small triumphs of this undertaking, and, over time, you'll find you are much closer to the you you want to be.

Steps

Evaluating Yourself

1. Clarify your desires. Take time out for thorough self-evaluation. To change yourself completely, complete the Best Possible Self exercise. This exercise has been shown to increase positive emotions, boost optimism, help with the development of coping skills, and give you something to look forward to in your future.
2. Choose a time in the future. The time frame can be 6 months, 12 months, or 5 years from now. Close your eyes and imagine that, at this time, you are expressing your best possible self in all its glory.
   • What have you accomplished? What skills do you have? These goals and triumphs should be both positive and realistic.
3. Write down the character strengths that you see in your future self. Decide what characteristics you may need to build to attain this future self.
   • For example, your future self may be very compassionate, innovative, and organized. These skills may be demonstrated in a business venture. Which of these skills will you need to further develop to get there?
4. Get feedback. Another aspect of self-evaluation is getting the opinions of others. Keep in mind, these are just opinions. So, don't respond negatively if you don't get raving reviews. You can choose which information you want to consider in your change process.
   • Reach out to a few people whose feedback you respect. Ask them about your performance in school or work. See if they can point out a few areas where you are doing well and other areas where you need improvement.
5. Take an inventory. Review the information gleaned from the Best Possible Self and from feedback. Based on what attributes you would like to have in the future, what do you have and what are you lacking? Make a list detailing the strengths and values you already possess, and then create a similar list of the attributes that you must cultivate to be the person you desire.
6. Be patient. Progress is rarely a straight-line journey. Instead, it is filled with loops, shortcuts, wrong turns, periods of wandering, and occasional stagnancy. You need to realize that change won't happen overnight. Understanding the stages of change can help you recognize that even a little progress is progress after all.
   • Pre contemplation. In this stage, you are not quite ready to accept that you need to change (i.e. in denial). You may defend your bad habits when people point them out.
   • Contemplation. Here, you become more aware of the negative consequences of your bea habits. You begin to think about it more often, yet you may still be skeptical about changing.
   • Preparation/Determination. This stage is defined by a greater awareness of the problem and commitment to change. You may conduct research or seek out professional help to assist you with the change.
   • Action/Willpower. In this stage of change, you lean heavily on your own willpower. You take active steps to change using various methods. This stage can last about 6 months, but can be as short as a few hours.
   • Maintenance. This step involves actively taking measures to avoid returning to your old ways. You reevaluate your life and make adjustments to align with your new habits and/or values. You make a plan to avoid relapse.
   • Relapse. You return to old, undesirable behaviors. This stage may be transient as you move through the other stages. The ultimate hope is that you eventually lose the desire to partake in old, bad habits.

Building Better Habits

1. Set realistic goals. Once you have clarified the areas that require improvement, focus on goal-setting. Grab a pen and notebook. Head each piece of paper with a specific goal - personal and professional. Then, write down several action steps you must take to reach the goal. Finally, set a feasible deadline that is attainable but still challenges you.
   • For example, you may have a goal to pay down debt. This goal may incorporate several strategies, such as paying more than the minimum monthly payment towards debt, refraining from creating any new debt, and negotiating lower interest rates on credit cards or revolving accounts.
2. Replace bad habits with good ones. Bad habits prevent us from fully reaching our potential. Some of them are more serious, such as drinking or smoking. Others are just bothersome to us and others, like procrastinating or making weird noises. The best way to break a bad habit is to replace it with a more healthier, adaptive alternative.
   • Think about some of your bad habits. When do you engage in them? What triggers the habit? What purpose do they serve?
   • For example, you may have the habit of procrastinating, but only when you feel overwhelmed or stressed. You feel bogged down by everything, so you put it all off and do nothing. You can replace this bad habit with healthier stress management strategies such as learning to manage time better, or relieving stress through exercise or meditation.
3. Act the part. You don't have to wait until you reach goals or break bad habits to move closer to being your ideal self. Whether you want to get a promotion at work or gain membership into an elite organization, learn to look and act the role you desire to play.
   • Looking and acting the part can translate to dressing like the people who already have the position you want to obtain. You may also strive to maintain a more professional demeanor in your interactions with others.
4. Reassess yourself regularly. On an ongoing basis, you should take a step back and examine your progress towards reaching your goals and building better habits. If you are not satisfied with the changes you have made, go back to the drawing board and create new goals to work towards.

Fostering Continual Growth

1. Think positively. Having a positive mindset will help you in your change process. Positive thinking leads to a longer life span, reduced rates of depression, better physical health and immune functioning, and better coping in times of stress.
   • To be a more positive thinker, watch your self-talk. Don't say anything to yourself that you would not say to a close friend or loved one.
   • When you notice yourself being especially self-critical, question the validity of these statements. Are they really true? Where is the evidence? Evaluate your negative self-talk and create positive affirmations to replace them.
2. Learn, learn, learn. Truly committing to being a better version of yourself means being a lifelong learner. Not only must you constantly assess and reassess yourself, but you must also be willing to consider ideas and opinions different than your own. Use these tips to be a lifelong learner:
   • Read fiction and nonfiction books
   • Volunteer
   • Travel
   • Work with a life coach
   • Advance your professional knowledge through additional training
   • Enrich yourself spiritually, emotionally, and psychologically
3. Spend time with people you admire. Research shows that social isolation is just as deadly as smoking cigarettes, alcoholism, being sedentary, and being obese. It seems your social circle can make an outstanding impression on your physical and mental health. But simply having friends is not enough - be sure to have positive, motivating individuals in your life for optimal growth.

Tips

• Have fun and be proud of the new you.
• Keep a journal tracking your process to help you along the way. Keep using the journal to remind you that you can be whoever and whatever you want to be.
• Just do your best, never work yourself too hard and get 8 hours or more sleep every night. Drink plenty of water and fuel yourself with food that's good for your body and your mind.
• Don't doubt your change in the process. If you're feeling a little uncertain if it's coming together, just take a deep breath and think of all the positives change you've made so far.

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Sources and Citations

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