Cope With Feeling Alone at Night

The long, dark hours of the night can be especially lonely for those who sleep by themselves or live alone. Truth is, nighttime loneliness can affect anyone, making you feel sad or scared. Though it’s important to acknowledge that you’re feeling lonely, you don’t have to just suck it up and suffer through your nights in misery. There are meaningful things you can do to make your nights feel fuller and more enjoyable.

Steps

Staying Busy at Night

  1. Get moving. There are lots of ways you can get your body moving and get your mind off your feelings of loneliness: try exercising, dancing to your favorite songs, jumping on your bed, or learning karate on YouTube.
    • Exercise gives you endorphins, which boost your mood and may help improve your feelings of loneliness.[1] Just remember not to exercise too close to bedtime or your body and brain will have a hard time winding down and settling into sleep mode. For some people, evening workouts give them the freedom to sleep in a little later while still maintaining their health.
    • Doing something fun and funny—like playing great music and dancing in your underwear. This will get you laughing, which is a great way to start feeling good instead of feeling lonely![2]
  2. Find inspiration. Nights can be notorious for bringing out your most negative emotions, especially when we are all alone. However, you can counteract that by seeking out positive things to make the loneliness more bearable.
    • Browse Pinterest or Google for inspirational quotes to paste as a wallpaper on your phone or profile photo on social media. Read an autobiography of a successful person you admire. Or, watch an uplifting and educational TED Talk.[3]
  3. Lose yourself in another world. Read a great book, watch a favorite movie, binge watch a television show, or surf the internet. All of these options will tune your brain onto a different channel and focus your attention away from the fact of your loneliness. When you feel sleepiness start to creep in, then you can head to bed.
  4. Go for a drive or a walk. Sometimes the best thing to do is get out of the house (weather permitting). A little bit of distraction and a change of scenery can go a long way toward making you forget about how lonely you’re feeling. You might even see someone you know and have a quick chat. Or, you may stumble upon something interesting along the way.[4]
    • Consider venturing into unknown territory. For example, take a drive to a part of town you’re not familiar with or walk to a neighborhood you don’t usually visit. Just be sure it's a relatively safe area beforehand. This way you’re experiencing something new as part of curing your loneliness, which may give you an extra dose of distraction.
  5. Get educated. One expert suggests reading up on loneliness as a way of feeling less alone. The more you learn about loneliness and how common it is, the less lonely you may feel. When you know that even a difficult, painful feeling you are having is shared by others, it makes that feeling a little less terrible.[5]
    • Look at resources online or check a book out of the library. Keep these resources on hand for when you’re feeling particularly bad. You can always pull up those motivational quotes you like and read over them to give yourself a little pep talk when loneliness strikes. One good example of a practical guide about the subject is Emily White’s Lonely: Learning to Live with Solitude.[6]
  6. Embrace being by yourself. Realize that you are actually really good company for yourself. You don’t need to be around other people or doing exciting things to be happy. While being with others is great, it's also important to learn to enjoy solitude. Spending time alone can be very valuable. If you can embrace being by yourself—and embrace your loneliness—you may end up feeling less lonely.
    • When you find yourself feeling lonely, take time to relax and close your eyes. Focus on your breathing and the feelings of each part of your body. Try to be in the moment, just focusing on yourself.
    • Try reciting this self-compassion verse to remind yourself you are not alone in feeling lonely and to treat yourself gently when you feel this way: This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is a part of life. Let me be kind to myself in this moment. Let me give myself the compassion that I need.[7]
    • This technique might not work for everyone. Some people will find it too difficult to relax while concentrating on themselves in the midst of feeling lonely, preferring a distraction instead. This is completely fine and normal.

Being with Other People

  1. Connect with someone. Find someone that you can talk to at any time of night—even 2:30 a.m. This might be your significant other, a sibling, a parent, or your best friend.[8] Roll over and shake your loved one awake, or make a phone call to someone who is willing to talk to you. Maybe, you can connect with your roommate who's only a few doors down. Just reach out to someone if you can.
    • If it’s not too late, consider calling someone who would really appreciate hearing from you, like an elderly relative. This will not only lift your spirits, but theirs also, which will then lift yours again in return!
    • When loneliness hits in the middle of the night and it’s too late to call or visit with someone, you can always write an e-mail or a letter to someone special. [9] Though you’re probably used to immediate connection in today’s fast-paced society, writing to a loved one in this situation is actually a really great way to thoughtfully convey your feelings and ideas—and the e-mail or letter will reach them in due time.
    • You can also invite people over to watch a movie, have dinner, or just hang out. If you’re seeing close friends or family, invite them to stay over; sometimes it’s nice just knowing there’s someone in the other room.
  2. Go out. One way to avoid nighttime loneliness is to get out of the house in the evenings leading up to bedtime. This doesn’t mean you have to stay out until the sun comes up. Simply go out to the movies with friends, have a late dinner with a classmate, or catch drinks with girls from the office.[10]
    • You may not feel like going out if you feel depressed or sad, but that’s exactly when you most need to do so.[11] Plus, once you get home, it will be time to climb under the covers and you won’t have much time to spend feeling lonely.
    • If you’re really reluctant to go out, try this: instead of committing to the whole evening, tell your friend/the group that you can meet for one drink (or an appetizer, etc.), but then you’ll probably have to get going. Then, you’ll most likely find that things have gone well and you feel much better than you anticipated—and you can stay for another round (or two).
  3. Join a group or take up a new hobby. Adding an activity/class that you look forward to in the evening can take your mind off your feelings of loneliness and give your evenings a sense of structure.[9] Although you might not find many groups that meet at 2 a.m., you can find a host of activities to engage in during the evening hours, such as yoga, tai chi, knitting, and painting.
    • Look on meetup.com to find people in your area who are interested in similar things and events that are going on around you. Who knows, you might meet someone who has trouble with feeling lonely at night, too. The two of you can spend time together, talk on the phone, or Skype to combat loneliness together.
  4. Give back. When we’re feeling down, it’s easy to focus all of our attention and energy on ourselves, which can lead to increased negativity. If we focus our attention outwards instead, we can often take our minds off our own loneliness and do some good in the meantime.[12]
    • Try volunteering at a local homeless shelter, animal shelter, or another place of need in your area. The hours will fly by as you play with or wash the cute pets, or participate in some other charitable event.
    • Consider visiting the elderly and sick at a nursing home or a local hospital. If your own relatives are shut-in, pay them a visit and see what joy it brings. Sometimes, when you get the opportunity to recognize how fortunate you are, life feels less bleak. Being able to help others can really uplift your perspective.

Falling Asleep Alone

  1. Establish a sleep routine.[13] Going to bed and waking up at roughly the same times each day helps your body to fall asleep faster, which will help you to feel less stressed when you’re in bed. It may take a few weeks to establish a new routine, so don’t worry if things don’t click immediately.
    • Going to bed early, while there 's still some noise outside, may help you to feel less alone. If you live alone, this technique may help you to feel more comfortable since others will still be up making noise in the apartments or streets around you. [14]
  2. Relax before going to bed. Spend some time unwinding before going to bed. Limit television and cell phone screen time at least 20 minutes before bed to help your brain start to turn down for the night ahead.[15]
    • Other techniques to help calm yourself before bed include meditation, breathing exercises, visualization, and structured muscle relaxation. You can also try reading a book or magazine by low light, doing a crossword puzzle, or listening to soft music. [15]
  3. Don’t force yourself to sleep if you can’t. Trying to sleep when you’re unable to will only increase your anxiety and make it still harder to fall asleep. If you can’t fall asleep, get up and go into a different room and do a relaxing activity.[16] In time, you’ll find that you’ve unwound and are ready to try going back to bed.
  4. Be aware of light. People sleep better at night after having had sunlight exposure throughout the waking hours. Also, limit the amount of light in your bedroom while you sleep, as having lights on can make it harder to fall asleep.[17]
    • If you don’t have blackout curtains (curtains that literally “blackout” all incoming light), consider buying a sleep mask to cover your eyes. These are inexpensive and can be purchased at most drugstores and online.
  5. Don’t nap during the day. If you forgo your mid-day snooze, you will be more tired at night and more likely to fall asleep quickly—and therefore have less time to feel lonely or stressed while in bed.[18]
  6. Add background noise to your bedroom. You may wish to add some form of ambient or white noise. Many people like sounds from nature like waterfalls or the rain forests.
    • These and other similar sounds are available from sound machines or on apps available through smart phones, tablets, and computers.
    • For those with loneliness while sleeping alone, a good bet may be to turn the TV on and have the volume low. The sound of voices may be calming. If possible, angle the screen away from you to help decrease your light exposure from the TV. Light in the bedroom can be problematic for sleeping.[14]

Tips

  • A person can be alone without feeling lonely, and in many instances you may choose to be alone, like when you want to read a book, take a nap, or watch your favorite television show by yourself. Loneliness, by contrast, comes about whenever you are alone and feel sad about being alone.[9] In this situation, perception is very important.[19]
  • Loneliness can affect obesity and blood pressure rates (by as many as 30 points), as well as lead to insomnia, so it’s important that you address persistent feelings of loneliness before they become overwhelming.[20]
  • Approximately 10% of North Americans deal with chronic loneliness.[5]
  • Everyone gets lonely sometimes, even when there are other people around. It’s natural to have periods of ups and downs. Don’t be too hard on yourself!
  • Read a good book, or, if you want something different, try watching one of your favorite movies or watching a funny TV show.
  • Consider adopting a pet like a dog or a cat to help with your loneliness.[21]
  • Simply remember, you might feel very very down and sad at the moment due to lack of company. But remember, in a few months time - or even much later in your life- these moments will be the ones that remain in your memory, because they are uncovered and real. Don't fight it. It is totally natural to feel that way.

Warnings

  • Allowing yourself to sink too far into feelings of loneliness can lead to feelings of depression and helplessness, which will only further perpetuate your sense of loneliness. If you begin to feel trapped by feelings of depression or helplessness, you should see your doctor or a therapist for help.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://greatist.com/move/reasons-working-out-night-best
  2. ↑ http://akirahrobinson.com/2013/10/16/24-things-you-can-do-the-moment-you-feel-lonely/
  3. ↑ http://daringtolivefully.com/best-ted-talks
  4. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/23/walk-nature-depression_n_5870134.html
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 http://www.besthealthmag.ca/embrace-life/mental-health/5-ways-to-beat-loneliness
  6. ↑ http://www.amazon.com/Lonely-Learning-Solitude-Emily-White/dp/0061765104
  7. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/06/27/5-strategies-for-self-compassion/
  8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-success/201010/the-cure-loneliness
  9. ↑ 9.0 9.1 9.2 http://www.counseling.ufl.edu/cwc/how-to-deal-with-loneliness.aspx
  10. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/07/16/10-more-ideas-to-help-with-loneliness/
  11. ↑ http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1149242/Yes-loneliness-bad-health--YOU-cure-yourself.html
  12. ↑ http://www.besthealthmag.ca/best-you/mental-health/5-ways-to-beat-loneliness
  13. ↑ http://healthysleep.med.harvard.edu/need-sleep/what-can-you-do/good-sleep-habits
  14. ↑ 14.0 14.1 http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/15655/1/How-to-Stop-Being-Afraid-of-Sleeping-Alone.html
  15. ↑ 15.0 15.1 http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/sleep-problems/what-can-i-do-to-help-myself/
  16. ↑ http://sleepfoundation.org/insomnia/content/what-do-when-you-cant-sleep/
  17. ↑ http://greatist.com/health/cant-sleep-advice-and-tips
  18. ↑ http://sleepfoundation.org/sleep-tools-tips/healthy-sleep-tips
  19. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/features/how-loneliness-sleep-are-connected?page=2
  20. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/features/how-loneliness-sleep-are-connected
  21. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/emotional-health/the-health-benefits-of-pets.htm
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