Live a Life of Celibacy

Celibacy is a form of life intended by an individual to maintain either sexual abstinence or to remain unmarried or both together. Whether you are entering priesthood or doing it for personal reasons, remaining celibate can be a difficult thing to do. This vow or promise is taken by anyone who intends to live their life not sharing their body with another individual. It may not have a reason like that of religion or any other commitment. It could be a lifestyle choice for those who believe in it. With these instructions and support from those around you (and perhaps a guide from above), you can lead a celibate life. Taking a vow to a life of celibacy is very challenging, and it is not an easy choice to make if the ones that are close to you are not supportive. There are benefits to a life of celibacy. If you find interesting things to do you can avoid the temptation to break your vow.

Steps

  1. The experience of celibacy. Make sure this is something you are very serious about. It can be a great thing if you are doing it for the right reasons. Celibacy is not embraced by a majority. It is done by those who have found meaning and contentment in being single. Those who see no pain or emptiness in being by themselves seek celibacy. When you feel and believe that you would not need someone to fulfill your desires and you can keep yourself better at happiness and comfort you experience celibacy.
  2. Understand why you want to take this vow before you do so. There are many reasons why people take this vow. The most common is to avoid sexually transmitted diseases, and to engage in intense studies as the celibacy frees an enormous amount of time from your schedule. It will save you some money too, especially on a student budget.
  3. Meditate on this decision and do not be rash about it. This is a lifelong commitment that you are about to make. One must bear in mind that any choice in life is their own and those who choose other paths need not be underestimated. Each individual choice could be respected and allowed. Other lifestyles are just as human as yours. Hence, there is no need to expect others to follow your way of life or judge others as carnal.
  4. Be sure to tell everyone around you that you are taking a vow of celibacy. It is very important to tell those who are the closest to you about your decision and convince them to support you every step of the way.
    • Find a friend or mentor that has gone through this period in life and ask questions about his or her reason for making their choice.
  5. Avoid temptations. You may avoid temptations especially at the start of this lifestyle. Do not put yourself in situations that might lead to sexual activity, such as close quarters with someone to whom you are physically attracted to or may get attracted to. Don't spend time alone and secluded together unless you absolutely know that you can control of yourself in that situation. You can still be intimate and close with them, as long as you are in control. (it also helps for them to know of your statutes with this lifestyle).
    • Avoid listening to others' feelings about your decision, if they do not agree with yours. It is your choice and yours alone. Instead, talk to friends and people that will not judge you, or this choice you have made.
  6. Practice makes perfect. It is a fact that after a certain amount of time, if you do not remind yourself of what you are missing sexually, you will stop feeling strong urges. However, this can be hard if you regularly engage in watching social entertainment like movies, TV shows, and many advertisements and commercials that continually show hormonally and/or sexually led relationships. Learn to ignore these; they are society's standards, not yours.
  7. Celibacy not seclusion: Celibacy in no ways implies or expects one to distance from others. You may involve yourself in activities with other people and be happy doing what you love. You need not put yourself to other sacrifices or abstinence from bonding or making close friends. Try to find people who you think will understand you and your choices. Doing this alone can be challenging. You may tell them that you need some moral support.
  8. Get involved in different hobbies. Pursue your favorite hobby activity. You may avoid people you may be sexually attracted to. You may choose to connect with some other spiritual or personal activities instead.
    • Avoid temptation and concentrate on other important things. To keep up the commitment, go back to school, get a new hobby, or buy a pet. Keep yourself as busy as possible.
    • For the most part, continue to keep anything about sexual romance or hormone induced relationships away from your vision. Make a list of all you have wanted to do. You do not have a mate holding you back, so take that trip or write that novel.
    • Celibacy is said to be a great way to improve mental powers and concentration.
  9. Celibacy could make you stronger. Doing things alone will help you to grow and challenge yourself on why you wanted to be celibate in the first place. Self empowerment is a powerful thing when used humbly. The joy of learning and focusing more into engaging in other activities of life will help to occupy your mind. It will also tire you out and make you sleep well.
  10. Celibacy for religion. Many take a vow of celibacy to be a part of a religious group. Different religions have their own say in it accordingly. Some adorn a finger ring with their religious symbol bearing on it a sign of celibacy. Celibacy in a religion is expected to bring a deeper and devoted connection with God.
    • If religion is a part of your decision to be celibate, read the Bible or other religious books for guidance and strength. Turn to your Priest or religious community in times of weaknesses and needs.
  11. Celibacy till marriage. Some vow to remain a virgin until they get married. This form of celibacy is only until marriage. Hence, their life partner gets to start and share their life with a virgin. This marks the honesty and dedication towards a purer start of a marital life. Some take the Virginity pledge for the same which is also called the Abstinence pledge, some daughters attend a Purity ball dance with their fathers and some participate in the Silver Ring Thing program. A Purity ring could also be worn by those who seek celibacy.
  12. Celibacy in a relationship.Celibacy can be practiced within a relationship, if both are in agreement. You can then both be each other's strength, and learn something together such as an instrument which will keep the mind busy.
  13. Celibacy and courtship. Celibacy allows a romantic relationship to grow and develop tenderness, maturity, and self-giving. True love takes a long time, and staying away from sex makes the relationship more stable, not less. A man is impressed by a woman's sweet and gentle "No," if he has pushed her. It increases his respect and trust in her. It makes him want to be a better man, even if he's been a player in the past. The delightful erotic tension is the beginning of legendary love stories that make for good marriages.
  14. Yoga explores waves that affect the mind. These waves are the ones which will try to carry you away from celibacy. You can learn to control these waves in many ways but most important is TO BE AWARE of your moods and what affects them. Here are some yogi tips:
    • Practicing yoga as part of your routine can help a lot, either by yourself or in a group. If you do not fear the temptation, join a group. In most cases there is little interaction between the students and you don't look at the others.
  15. Reassessing your vows. Always reassess your vows every four to six months to make sure that you want to continue to do this. If you have decided that you do not want to live this lifestyle anymore, then go ahead and do what you desire.
  16. By choice. Celibacy is never effective when forced on yourself. Humans are social beings and mostly they prefer living with fellow beings who appreciate and care for them. They like someone who they belong to or could share their lives with. When someone desires to live life by themselves, they are confident to survive and enjoy living that way. When this is voluntary is when they can experience peace and normalcy.
    • If this state is forced, the individual is bound to experience frustration, depression, loneliness, incompleteness, hallucination and much more. Hence, it is best to leave it to the individual to make their choice to choose their lifestyle. However, if at some point one feels that they can no more be a part of this group, they may chose to go otherwise. It goes without saying that it is also a crime to force someone into celibacy.

Tips

  • Stay healthy and fit. Exercise with your partner, friends or alone.
  • Generally, the longer you are celibate, the older you are, and the more full your life is, the easier it is to channel your sexual energy (and frustration) into healthy diversions. Your libido also tends to decline with age (which helps).
  • Do. Act. Volunteer. Help the community, help your friends, visit your parents. Besides keeping you busy, it will clear your soul of unwanted thoughts.
  • Diet: Certain types of food such as meat, chocolate, coffee and tea induce the animal instincts, while fruit, vegetables, nuts, rice, milk products are easy to digest and keep the mind and body focused. In his autobiography Gandhi stated that diet had strong impact on his vow of celibacy.
  • If you fail, are afraid of failure or find it difficult - don't be discouraged. Learn to forgive yourself. You are an aspirant, a student. You are allowed to fail as many times as required, as long as you don't give up on what you feel is right for you. If you believe in God, he will forgive you if are not strong enough, as long as you keep your belief.
  • Exercising celibacy takes time and concentration. It makes you feel great afterward.
  • Just because you are not dating, does not mean you could not look good. Continue to look after yourself with grooming and well matched clothes and you will feel good.
  • When experienced enough, you can actually more freely engage or interact with people you were sexually attracted to. You don't have as much as a standard to live up to when in their company and as a result, nervousness or anxiety can be greatly reduced.
  • Always remember that life is about relating, and that each healthy relationship and contact needs a dose of empathy and attentiveness.
  • If you are not sure what you want to chose for yourself, take some time and reflect on the past. Ask yourself when were you most at peace and content, while being with someone or when you were by yourself. Are you capable of sustaining alone and being comfortable around other couples?

Warnings

  • Avoid dealing with people that are looking to have an intimate relationship with you.
  • Do not risk any innocent cuddles or hugs, until you have become adapted to celibacy.
  • Be confident about who you are, so that your will power can prevail. Your choice will be tested - either by yourself or by another - and you will need to be courageous to resist temptations.
  • While you make new friends, you may continue to have to deal with losing old married friends and feeling like the third wheel among them. When you hear more and more tales of woe from men and women who sacrificed their career for a spouse, dealt with chronic cheating, nasty divorces, or heart-wrenching custody battles, you may feel increasingly grateful to have chosen a life of celibacy.
  • The biggest risk of choosing to remain celibate when you are not asexual is that your sexual desires will eventually win out, and might be expressed in ways you did not anticipate.
  • Choosing to remain single and celibate is not without risks and costs, which tend to peak leading up to, and during middle age, as explained below.
  • Traveling, living in an intentional community or cooperative household, and/or living in a medium to large city may help you meet other people who are living alone or who are single, and thus ease the pain of social alienation from your married friends. People who are single or who live alone are more socially active, and do more volunteer work for a reason!
  • If you are a man, the temptation to no longer remain celibate may increase with age, since with each passing year, there will be a higher ratio of unmarried women to unmarried men, and women may begin actively pursuing romantic relationships with you, even when you did not invite that kind of attention.
  • You may find yourself having to combat false rumors circulating about why you never married. Some may socially exclude you for being different because they are afraid you secretly have desires on their spouse, or maybe just because you remind them of the compromises they are ashamed to have made in order to marry and remain married to their spouse, such as turning a blind eye to chronic cheating.
  • If you change your mind later in life and decide you no longer want to remain celibate, you may not have as many opportunities to date or find a suitable partner as you did when you were younger, particularly if you are a woman, since men tend to die sooner (leaving a larger ratio of women to men), and date younger and younger women as they age.
  • 90% of women in the United States are married by the age of 40.[1] As you enter into your thirties, forties, and fifties, many of your friends and the people you work with may feel like they are no longer able to relate to you, especially if you are not a single parent who has become celibate (or a celibate person who adopted). They may pity you.

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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2012-02-06/eric-klinenberg-going-solo-extraordinary-rise-and-surprising-appeal-living-alone
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