Cope With a Bisexual Husband

Being with a bisexual husband can be hard, especially if you entered into the relationship with different expectations. Although learning that your husband is bisexual can shake the foundation of your marriage, it doesn’t mean that your marriage is ending. On the contrary, many couples have found that bisexuality has opened the door for a more satisfying, trusting and honest relationship.

Steps

Giving Support

  1. Accept your husband for who he is. Your husband has the same qualities that you fell in love with, and his bisexuality is another quality that you may have recently learned about. It also defines who he is. As your partner, he needs your love and support, and your relationship will remain strong if you can accept him for who he is.[1]
  2. Learn about bisexuality. Knowing more about bisexuality will help you understand your partner. [2] There is no single model for bisexuality, since each individual is different in his emotions and feelings. A bisexual person is sexually attracted to two genders. This individual likely also loves individuals first, often with less attention to specific gender.[3] There are a lot of myths about bisexuality, which can be harmful to your relationship if you don’t learn how these myths are just that – myths. Your relationship will strengthen if you understand the true nature of your partner’s feelings. Some of these myths are:[3]
    • Myth: A person is either gay or straight, not both.
      • Humans are complex and can have very different sexual orientations, including heterosexual (attracted to the opposite gender), homosexual (attracted to the same gender), bisexual (attracted to two or more genders), asexual (not attracted to any gender), pansexual (not limited in sexual choice), or skoliosexual (attraction to non-binary identified individuals).[4]
    • Myth: Bisexuals can’t be faithful.
      • A person can choose to be monogamous. A person’s sexual orientation does not determine his ability or desire to be in a monogamous, faithful relationship. The couple decides what it means to be monogamous.
    • Myth: Bisexuals have more sexually transmitted diseases.
      • The rate of STDs does not correlate to a person’s sexual orientation. Rather, it has to do with the individual’s care in protecting himself from STDs.
  3. Give your relationship a fresh start. Recognize that your relationship has entered into a new phase. If you want the marriage to succeed and continue, you need to be willing to make changes. Your husband is still the same person that you married, but now you know even more about his desires and feelings. Understand that you may need to start fresh, with new boundaries and new expectations about what marriage means for both of you.[2]
  4. Talk with your husband about what he wants. Your husband may have been struggling with his bisexuality for a long time. If he is just now telling you, he may have been trying to suppress his true feelings. He knows that you two trust and respect each other. He has taken a big step in being honest with you. Now you can take a big step by talking to him about what he wants. What does he want your marriage to be like? Does he want to have other partners? Does he want to remain monogamous? [5]

Communicating With Your Partner

  1. Know that communicating about sexuality can be difficult. Both of you may find it difficult to have a conversation about sexuality. For your husband, this might be the first time he’s talked about his bisexuality. He may have been anxious and worried about you finding out, about keeping his feelings a secret, or about what other people will think. [6] As for you, you may undergo worries and anxieties of your own, including feelings of inadequacy, concern about your relationship, or concern for how your family might react.
    • Being patient and understanding with each other is the best starting place for a conversation. Know that you love each other and want each other to be happy.
  2. Be open with each other. For your relationship to work, you need to communicate honestly with each other. Set aside time every day or every week when the two of you can talk without being interrupted. Talk about your concerns in an open yet supportive way.[7]
    • This might include asking if and when your husband is making connections with other partners.[5] Being bisexual doesn’t mean that your husband will automatically cheat on you. But if he is going to be with other partners, you two should be open about that. Lies and deception are not a good foundation for any marriage.
  3. Talk about where you stand on monogamy. When one partner is bisexual, the other partner may worry that the husband will be unfaithful. If your husband wants to be non-monogamous, and you agree to it, then support him in that.[5]
    • Many bisexual partners are in long-term monogamous relationships. Determine what you want for your relationship.
  4. Set boundaries. Determine what you want in your relationship. This may involve setting some ground rules about other partners, or sexual activity that you’re both willing to participate in.[7] Are you okay with your husband being with one other partner, or are multiple partners okay? How much do you want to be involved?
  5. Determine what you both want to share with family and friends. As you and your husband begin to understand life together in this new phase, you may choose to share some of this information with family and friends. If you have children, think about how you’ll talk with them about bisexuality.
    • Remember that when you “come out” to your children, have an ongoing conversation about it so that your kids can ask questions and understand your feelings. Be patient and give them time to process the information.[8]

Living Everyday Life

  1. Realize that you don’t need to make everything about sexuality. Your lives will still go on, with work pressures, commuting headaches, grocery shopping, and so on. Your everyday life will continue much as it had before your husband told you about his bisexuality.
  2. Make sure other areas of your life are fun and interesting. Married life is about more than just sexual intimacy. Find hobbies and activities to do together. Travel together. Develop a fulfilling life together in many different ways.[5]
  3. Explore your own sexual desires. An open conversation about your partner’s sexuality and sexual desires is a chance to open up about your own sexual desires. Your husband is still attracted to you and wants you to feel free to explore what excites you.[2]
    • Many partners have experienced a sexual awakening when they find out their husbands are bisexual. Their relationships have grown stronger and more satisfying.[9]

Getting Support

  1. Visit an LGBT center for support. An LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) center is a place where you can get counseling and health information, as well as lists of LGBT-friendly businesses and community resources.
  2. See a mental health professional. A professional who specializes in relationships and sexuality may be able to help you understand your relationship and your partner’s feelings. You may be feeling anxiety or other emotions about your relationship, and it can help to have an outside perspective on what you’re feeling.
    • If you feel your relationship is in trouble, you might think about seeking couples counseling. There are therapists who specialize in the LGBT community.[10]
  3. Talk with a trusted family member or friend. You may feel that your sex life in your marriage is a private matter, but it can help to get someone else’s perspective on things. Choose someone who will not be judgmental and who will be respectful and trustworthy.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.liannawalden.com/blog/trusting-your-bisexual-husband/
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 http://www.liannawalden.com/blog/bisexual-husband-what-do-i-do-now/
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 http://www.uic.edu/depts/quic/bisandallies/myths.html
  4. ↑ http://www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo/article/types-sexual-orientations
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 5.2 5.3 http://www.liannawalden.com/blog/finding-out-that-your-husband-is-bisexual-is-a-good-thing/
  6. ↑ http://consumer.healthday.com/mental-health-information-25/anxiety-news-33/keeping-sexuality-secret-takes-mental-toll-on-bisexual-men-672206.html
  7. ↑ 7.0 7.1 http://www.mademan.com/mm/how-be-secure-bisexual-wife.html
  8. ↑ http://www.colage.org/resources/tips-for-coming-out-to-your-kids-about-your-sexual-orientation/
  9. ↑ http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/husband-out-bisexual-changed-life-jvinc/
  10. ↑ http://www.scottakramer.com/
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