Date Your Professor

If you find yourself lingering often after class for a few more snippets of conversation, or spending a little too much time staring instead of listening during lectures, you might be interested in dating your professor. Given the many rules on colleges about relationships between teachers and students, this can be a bit tricky. But, if you play your cards right during the semester, you can get your professor interested, learn a little more about him or her, and start a relationship with an educated professional.

Steps

Flirting in Class

1. Go to class regularly. Unless it is a really big lecture class, your professor will probably notice when you are missing. It will be hard to impress her or catch her eye if you don’t show up.
2. Sit up front. You’ll want to catch your professor’s eye and make sure he knows who you are. Sitting in front will put you close to him, and probably make it easier for him to recognize you. Being physically close like this can be subtle given the setting, but it can help in the longer term.
   • This can be especially important in a large lecture class, where the professor almost certainly won’t make an effort to learn the names of all 300 students.
3. Make eye contact. Locking eyes is a powerful way to signal a connection. Chances are you won’t get the chance for several seconds of staring into each other’s eyes, so be ready to look back at him when he scans the room. A few seconds of eye contact every couple of minutes can go a long way, even subconsciously.
   • Just be careful about staring at the professor so much that you stop taking notes. You might miss something important, and he’ll probably notice you not paying attention to your work.
   • Make sure you are smiling when you make eye contact. Putting a friendly look on your face will make you look confident and more attractive. This is all the more important when you are making eye contact with him for those brief moments.
4. Dress nicely for class. Avoid revealing clothing, as that is inappropriate for the classroom. Instead, wear clean, form-fitting clothing that accentuates the positive parts of your physique. You will impress your professor by looking professional, or at least not ruin his or her opinion of you by dressing inappropriately.
   • For women, look for softer colors that signal romance, like pink or coral. For style, accentuate your curves, especially those parts of your body that you want your professor to look at.
   • For men, your clothes should be clean and wrinkle-free. Nice shoes, instead of a ragged pair of old sneakers, can help as well. In terms of color, red is always good for drawing attention, and projecting an image of strength and confidence.
5. Participate in class. Professors love it when students ask and answer questions. It lets them know they are reaching students, and that the class is engaged in what is going on.
   • Make sure your questions and comments are serious responses to the topic at hand. The important thing is that your professor sees you as paying attention and willing to learn. Avoid joke answers, as professors usually find that to be an annoying distraction.
   • Lean forward when you talk in class. You won’t be able to use a lot of body language tricks, since you’ll be stuck at a desk, so something subtle will have to do. Leaning forward when you talk reinforces that you want to get closer to her, even if that effect will probably only be subconscious.
6. Help your professor. Running a class can be difficult, especially when it is probably one of several your professor has, and he will appreciate any help he can get. Volunteer to present something, or jump into discussions during silence. This will help give your professor a positive opinion of you.
   • If your professor ends up in an argument with another student, jump in on his side. This can work in an in-class debate, or if another student is trying to argue about the requirements for an assignment. Keep your input brief, as it is more important that your professor notices you jumped in to help rather than what you actually said. This is also the kind of thing you can do after class, telling your professor that you appreciated the position he took.
   • Keep an eye on your professor too. If he seems harried or in need of a helping hand, don’t be afraid to ask. He may not need your help, but will appreciate your offering.
7. Do well in the class. Your professor is more likely to notice a student who is doing well and making an effort to be successful in class. You don’t necessarily need to get an “A” grade. Professors notice and like students who follow directions and show improvement over the course of the semester.
   • Making sure you follow all directions given for an assignment is a great way to stay on your professor’s good side. Ignoring or missing required steps is an annoyance, while doing things as requested can help you stand out from all the students who don’t. Plus, you can always ask about your professor’s reasoning for those requirements, another great excuse to talk to her.
8. Tell the professor he is doing a good job. Professors work hard on their classes, and like the satisfaction of knowing that it went well. Plus, this little bit of conversation becomes another way for him to remember who you are.
   • This doesn’t have to be a long conversation. Tell your professor “That was a really good explanation of…” and mention a topic you covered in the class. Close by saying something like “I really understand that now,” which tells your professor he did a good job.
   • Be sure to smile and make eye contact when you tell him this. This gives you a friendly demeanor, and subtly suggests you are trying to make a connection.
9. Pay attention for clues about her personal life. It is hard for class to focus on the subject material the whole time, and your professor will surely slip in comments about her life and interests. Learning this information is not necessarily for your use in class, but so you have some topics in mind to talk about later.
   • You want to find potential signs of common interest. Like any other relationship, your compatibility will be tied to having some things in common. If the only thing you have in common with your professor is an interest in the class material, you’ll probably find her pretty uninteresting in a relationship.
   • Be sure to watch for signs of a relationship. Look for a wedding ring on the fourth finger of the left hand, and listen if she mentions some kind of significant other.

Flirting Outside of Class

1. Talk to him outside of class. If you see your professor around campus, and he isn’t talking directly to someone else, go ahead and say hello. The first few times don’t need to be long conversations, just something to help him remember you. As the semester goes along, he will almost certainly become more comfortable talking to you.
   • Your conversation can be pretty wide-ranging, depending on how well you know your professor. In this kind of informal setting, you don’t have to talk about the class. Things happening around campus, in the news, or really anything can be a good way to start conversation.
   • Find other similarities. Your conversations will need to move beyond academic topics if you want an actual relationship. Use these chats as a chance to learn more about him. Listen if he starts to share his interests with you, like food or music. Go ahead and respond with your interests to see if there is further compatibility.
   • Another way to set this up is to invite your professor to lunch. Many schools have programs that encourage students to have meals with professors as a way to interact outside the classroom. You might even get the school to pay for your lunch that day. This is not a date, so you may want to get a few other students from the class together as well.
2. Show an interest in the subject. Professors have usually dedicated their lives to studying in their field. He will probably find it very attractive that you have a similar interest. Similar interests are a good way to suggest compatibility.
3. Visit office hours. Sure, office hours are there for you to get extra help in the class, but they are also a good time to see your professor without the rest of the class around.
   • While professors are supposed to hold regular office hours, very few students use them. Not only will you be highly unlikely to see another student there, but your professor will be excited that someone came.
   • When you go to the office, be sure to have something to talk about related to the class. It doesn’t need to be a serious question or concern about your grade, just that you want to talk about something that came up in lecture. If you come in only asking personal questions and don’t mention the class, he will probably see right through what you are doing and not let it go any further.
   • Sit as close to him as possible. Try to move as close as you can, like getting your chair closer to his in the office. You shouldn’t invade his personal space, but move closer as a way to let him know you want a closer connection.
4. Ask about her experiences. Professors spend much of their time researching and writing alone, but have probably had some very interesting experiences that they would love to share with others. Ask about interesting places your professor has visited or people she has met. She will enjoy the attention, and probably have some good stories as well.
5. Go to department events. Look for speakers, symposia, or other events put on by your professor’s department. These will be more relaxed settings where you can talk to him about something interesting, like the speaker you just heard, and not have to worry about the class.
   • Remember that these events are public, so other students and members of the department will see you. You’ll want to keep your flirting to a minimum.
   • Look for other on-campus events as well, especially things your professor indicated he might be interested in. If you go, you may find him there, or you can always earn points as a good listener by suggesting things he can do.
6. Congratulate your professor on accomplishments. Professors work hard on projects outside of just your class, and love the recognition that can come from it.
   • The websites for both your school and your professor’s department will announce when faculty members accomplish something. Keep an eye on those pages to see if your professor’s name pops up.

Making Your Move

1. Know your professor’s status. Before jumping in and asking him out, make sure you know that he would be open to some kind of relationship. There are a few different variables to watch for, some of which you can pick up while in class or talking around campus.
   • Check his relationship status. If your professor is single, then you should feel comfortable at least trying. If he is married, you may still be able to get a physical relationship out of it, but it will probably be very secretive. Of course, you have to decide if that kind of person is someone you want to be involved with.
   • Learn his preferred gender. College campuses are among the most welcoming environments for a variety of gender preferences. You don’t want to embarrass yourself by asking out your professor only to discover he prefers a gender other than yours, so look for clues to who he likes.
2. Know your university’s rules for sexual harassment. This covers both you and your professor. Either of you could get in trouble for acting on an attraction, especially if the feeling is not mutual. If your professor does not respond to your pursuit, drop it. It’s definitely not worth getting in trouble with the university for harassing him.
3. Wait until the semester is over. Most schools have policies against professors dating students, and they are strictest when it comes to students they are actually teaching. To avoid unnecessary headaches for both of you, don’t act on your feelings until the semester is over.
   • Your best bet is really to wait until you have graduated. That gets rid of any chance you will ever have a class together in the future. Even if your relationship is over by that point, a bad ending can have lasting repercussions on your grade or classroom demeanor. It will also be much easier for your professor to see you as mature if you are not still in school.
   • Remember that when you are in the class, your relationship is definitely unequal. Your professor holds a significant amount of power as the person who teaches and grades the class. It is never good to be intimate with someone who has that kind of influence over your future.
   • If your professor is younger and untenured, a relationship with a student is a good way for him to lose his job. Understandably, he will be unlikely to take a risk like that. Even tenured professors can lose their job over dating students.
4. Ask directly for a date. If you want a relationship with your professor, you will probably need to be direct about it. Given the potential complications, as well as the concern over sexual harassment complaints, he will probably be very hesitant to ask you himself.
   • Being direct also means both of you know what is happening. This is not the time for grey areas. If you are both clear about your romantic intentions, he will be more likely to reciprocate appropriately.
5. Don’t get played. Be warned that some professors will encourage relationships with their students (especially male professors and females students) to bolster their own egos. If you think your professor is using you in this manner, get out before anything happens.
   • Be aware of how he acts around you. If he is willing to initiate flirting quickly or suggests things that past students have done, and otherwise blatantly ignoring school rules, he is probably signaling that you are not the first, and probably won’t be the last.
   • There can be other signs in the classroom. Watch to see if your professor flirts regularly with other students along with you, brags about his attractiveness, or seems to be hung up on how the students see him. These can all be signs he sees relationships with students as a way to boost his own ego.
   • Professors who date their students will quickly develop a reputation in their department, even if the department doesn’t do anything about it. If you have a concern, older students and TAs will probably have more information.

Tips

• Avoid public displays of affection. Even schools without rules for student-professor relationships generally frown upon them. Keep the physical contact limited to more private settings. This will help prevent staring, gossip, and other unfortunate side effects of your relationship.
• Age matters. Many professors are older, and will probably not be interested in a meaningful relationship with a college underclassman, someone half their age (or younger). But, if you are an older student, and closer to your instructor’s age, dating might be more likely. This is more likely in graduate or pre-professional programs, like law school.
• Don’t take rejection personally. There are many reasons why your professor would not want to date you, but don’t allow that to affect the way you behave in class or talk about your professor to others. Being disruptive or attempting to blackmail him with false threats won’t help you at all, and could get you in trouble.

Warnings

• If other people in the class know you are dating the professor, they will probably resent you for the grades you get, especially if your grades are among the best in the class.

Sources and Citations

See also

• Look Attractive (Guys)
• Ask a Girl to Hang Out
• Get a Guy Who Has a Girlfriend
• Attract Girls Without Being Annoying
• Appear More Beautiful to Men
• Date If You're Over 65 Years Old
• Get an Older Guy to Like You
• Attract a Guy
• Get Him to Make a Move
• Know if You Like a Guy

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