Date If You're Over 65 Years Old
Once you pass the age of 65, you may find the thought of dating more than a little bit daunting. If you're over the age of 65 and single, the mere idea of 'getting back out there' may be enough to scare you off. If you feel like this, you are not alone. The first steps to dating again are knowing what to expect, looking for good partners, and spending time in the right places.
Contents
Steps
Getting in the Right Mindset
- Know your deal breakers. There are some common deal breakers for people dating in their older age. Things like health, financial security, and physical appearance are very important to most seniors who are dating. Before you start looking for a partner, know what qualities you want to avoid.
- For example, if you think you could really like someone but they are very ill already, you might consider just being their friend and dating someone else.
- Be comfortable with yourself. Some people reach retirement age and are ready to travel the world. Others simply want to relax and enjoy their home and neighborhood. You should be honest with yourself about how you want to live life, and date people who enjoy the same things. Do not try to force yourself to do what you think you are ‘supposed’ to do.
- For example, if you want to travel, it would be a bad idea to date someone who is terrified of airplanes.
- Keep an open mind. Most older people have had much more experience in life and are more likely to be open to dating someone that makes them feel cared for and happy. You should be willing to compromise some of your less important restrictions (e.g. hair color or music preference) so that you can find someone who meets your most important needs. As you grow comfortable with your own identity, many of these things will matter very little to you anyway.
- For example, you might really like the idea of dating someone that is exactly 65, but if you find a great date who’s 68, it might be worth compromising.
Looking in the Right Places
- Go out. Your dream date(s) will not just show up on your doorstep knocking. If you want to meet people, you are going to have to go out and enjoy yourself. Go to art galleries, coffee shops, restaurants, or parks that you enjoy. Anywhere where people frequent will give you the chance to meet someone.
- Find fulfilling experiences. You can often find people that you like by going to things that make you feel good. This could be a lecture or a religious service. You might even spend time with volunteer groups or travel groups where you can meet more people. The important thing is to pick things that you find fulfilling so that you are meeting people that share your interests.
- Ask friends and neighbors. Your friends or neighbors are likely to know someone who is single and looking for a date. You can ask them to introduce you to any friends or family members that they think would be a good match. If you are uncomfortable with a blind date, you could ask that they have a get together of some kind and invite both of you.
- Get comfortable with the internet. There is one way to find a date from the comfort of your couch ― the internet. You can join an internet dating site like eHarmony or OurTime or join a dating app specifically designed for seniors, like Senior People Meet or Stitch. Add your information and picture to your profile and start talking to potential dates.
- Never give out personal information such as social security number, credit cards, address, etc., to someone that you do not know well.
- Explore the senior center. A local senior center is the perfect place to meet people. Go to events at the center and start making friends. Even if you don’t find a date there, maybe someone there can set you up on a date. Either way, it is a good way to ease into looking.
Overcoming Obstacles
- Work through emotional ties to old relationships. If you’re over 65 years old, you have likely had some past relationships. One or more of those may have been very serious (e.g. a marriage that lasted decades). If you are going to start dating again, you will need to spend time acknowledging how you feel about those past relationships and allowing yourself to let go of them.
- You can do things like write in a journal or talk to a counselor or friend about your feelings.
- Avoid comparing your current self to your past self. Society often portrays youth as the most desirable time in life. Don’t fall prey to this skewed image. Instead, realize that you have already lived through your youthful years, and you have learned a lot from them. Know that the person you are today is just as appealing as the person you were years ago.
- Realize that your needs may be different now. When you were young, you may have been looking for someone to raise a family with and support you in your career. If you’re over 65, starting a family or a career is not likely to be on your mind. Allow yourself to analyze exactly what you need in a partner at this age, and make a list of the qualities that are most important to you. The list might include things like:
- Someone who enjoys travel
- Someone that likes to socialize
- Someone who is caring
Warnings
- On first dates, meet in a public place like a cafe or restaurant. Never meet late at night in an outdoor place you are unfamiliar with. Stay around people at all times.
- Remember that rejection is an inevitable part of dating. Don't be discouraged if your first few dates don't end with a relationship. You probably had more than a few dates before you settled on your previous partner, so be gentle with yourself and give yourself time.
Related Articles
Sources and Citations
- http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/05/dating-dealbreakers_n_4032034.html
- ↑ http://www.stitch.net/blog/2014/05/9-things-you-didnt-know-dating-for-seniors/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/dating-later-in-life/
- ↑ http://www.aplaceformom.com/blog/2-08-16-top-ways-to-find-love-after-65/
- https://www.jssa.org/65-single-and-looking-a-practical-guide-to-dating-after-50-2/
