Date a Christian Girl

Religious beliefs are of the utmost importance to many people and set a standard for the values one should live in accordance with—this is just as true when it comes to dating. If the girl you like is a devout Christian, her faith deserves consideration and respect, but it doesn't have to become a point of contention. Making room for her faith is just another way of accommodating her feelings and showing your devotion to the relationship.

Steps

Getting to Know Her

1. Be up front about who you are. Whether you share her beliefs or not, it's crucial to be honest with her and stay true to yourself. Try to get to know each other outside of a spiritual context, and understand how her faith influences her character. You should connect as people, first and foremost.
   • The more honest you are about your own beliefs, the better. Even if you're not Christian, she will respond to your sincerity, and you may discover that a religious difference isn't a deal-breaker. Approach the subject of your respective beliefs directly by saying "I understand why you believe what you do, but I have to say that I..." or "that's interesting. I feel that..."
2. Find out what she likes to do. It may be that her beliefs don't permit her to do certain things, like going out for drinks, or that her involvement in the church gives her a chance to take part in certain activities. Ask her about her interests and hobbies and see what the two of you have in common.
   • Do things that make her feel enriched. If she's a lover of nature, invite her on a hike or picnic; if she's an art aficionado, visit a museum together and have her explain the exhibits to you. Find ways to indulge the passions that complement her faith.
   • Be prepared for her idea of a good time to differ from your own. She may not drink alcohol or find an inappropriate sense of humor funny. Be mindful of the ways that her beliefs guide her relationships and act accordingly.
3. Find common ground. If you're also Christian, the two of you already have plenty to talk about. If not, explore other similarities in your interests and personal beliefs that help you relate to one another. You may be alike in many other ways that count.
   • You may, for instance, find yourself agreeing on philosophical issues outside of any religious framework. These are compelling values that will allow the two of you to relate.
   • Learn what her stance is on a particular topic or issue. Ask her "what do you believe about...?" or "how do you feel about...?" and then propose a topic that you want to find out more about. Be careful not to offend, however. Religious and moral issues can be challenging to discuss with someone you don't yet know very well.
4. Know what her religion's position is on dating. Without interrogating her, try to discover her views on dating as it relates to her religion. Some denominations of Christianity take different approaches to activities such as dating that continue to evolve in a modern setting. It can be helpful to know how things like long-term expectations and her personal conditions for dating will proceed from the outset.
5. Get a date. Start off with something casual, like coffee and conversation or a long walk. Take the opportunity to learn more about her and spend some time alone. A casual setting will make it easier to talk about intimate topics, and give you a trial run to see if you're a good fit for each other.
   • Just because she's Christian doesn't mean she's not capable of having fun. Get creative. Think of activities you can do together that challenge and exhilarate you. Most of the things you would do on an ordinary date are just as acceptable here.

Becoming Involved in Her Faith

1. Encourage her to share her beliefs. Make her comfortable by letting her know she has nothing to hide or feel self-conscious about. Discussing religious beliefs with new acquaintances can be awkward. Just remember that everyone has their own convictions that play a part in what they're like—these are hers.
   • Reinforce her willingness to be open with you. When disagreements arise, reassure her with statements like: "even though we don't believe the same things, I support and care about you, and want to know more about what you think." Knowing that you're receptive to her views will make her much more comfortable sharing them with you.
   • Talk to her about your own beliefs as well. It's probably just as important for her to know what your moral values are. This is an element of dating that people downplay or postpone all too often, and it should be given special consideration in a relationship with a religious foundation.
   • Even if you share the same faith, differences in denomination or church liturgy may exist. Get these differences out in the open and do your best to be accepting of them.
2. Go to church with her. Prove to her that you care enough to at least make an effort to find out more about her lifestyle. Her faith is likely the central priority in her life, the way work or a passion or project might be for someone else. Keep an open mind and see what it's all about.
   • If you're not the religious type, this step may prove difficult. If it makes you uncomfortable to continue accompanying her to church, let her know and explain your reasons to her.
3. Make yourself part of her spiritual community. Get to know her family, friends and congregation as well as her. Many churches organize events outside of worship where church members and their loved ones can come together as a community. Attend social gatherings with her; this way, you're taking steps to becoming part of one of the most important aspects of her life.

Building the Relationship

1. Take time to enjoy one another. While being supportive of her faith is a must, so is having time for yourselves. Find opportunities to cook meals together, go to the movies or just sit and talk. Her spiritual commitments are one thing, but your relationship should still be about the two of you.
   • Plan regular date nights or clear some time to do the things you both like to do. Remember the other interests you discussed that initially attracted you to her and find more ways to make your connection stronger.
2. Set boundaries. Make sure clear boundaries are in place concerning the ways you talk to and treat one another in regards to your beliefs. Once you've begun dating, you should both be working to ensure that the other feels comfortable and appreciated. This may sometimes be difficult if you don't share her religious beliefs. Knowing what is expected when you're together can make communication easier and prevent either person from feeling unfairly judged.
   • Always be respectful. Religion can be a touchy subject, even between people who are close.
   • Be aware of what is and isn't an acceptable way (as well as time and setting) to discuss your views. If you know a certain line of conversation might cause offense, you're probably better off avoiding it. Tactful communication is vital when it comes to talking about your closely-held convictions.
3. Make important decisions together. Consult one another on any potential changes in each person's life that might impact the relationship. It should be a cooperative affair every step of the way. If some facet of her beliefs or your own becomes an issue, discuss it coolly and reasonably and strive to reach a compromise you can both live with.
   • It's possible that her religious beliefs might cause complications in dealing with matters like sex, careers, marriage and childbirth. If you've been open with one another about these things from the beginning, it will make talking them out easier. Every couple tackles difficult problems occasionally, and there should be no reason that your beliefs should drive a wedge between you if you care about each other.
4. Meet one another's needs. Be the person that she needs you to be. Living in accordance with Christian values is about being kind, gentle, modest and giving. This is what she's looking for in a partner, and it's why she's chosen to spend time with you. As long as you're willing to be open and supportive of one another, your relationship should be a success.

Tips

• Show the same care that you would when beginning to date anyone else. All relationships are about companionship and caring for another person. Her faith is just one more element of her personality that needs to be nurtured.
• Dating websites like Christian Mingle were set up to help single Christians find suitable mates. If you're a Christian looking for the right place to start dating, these services can be a big help.

Warnings

• Neither person should take the lead in deciding how the relationship should progress. Leave that up to the tenets of your faith, or come to an agreement that considers both sets of feelings.
• Resolve disputes conscientiously and immediately. Since religious beliefs are so influential, they can be the cause of particularly volatile disagreements that if not handled carefully can cause resentment. Always be respectful to your partner and don't let your beliefs come between you.
• Be careful about approaching the topic of sex. It's likely that her faith recommends certain proscriptions on sexual behavior. Never pressure her into anything she's uncomfortable with, or that might compromise her values.

Sources and Citations

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