Date a Mormon Girl

Dating a girl from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (LDS, or Mormon) can be a great relationship. That being said, there are some facets of the religion that you should be aware of that will influence how she approaches both you and the relationship. If you are willing to understand and accept these, whether or not you are a Mormon, you can have a fun time dating Mormon girls.

Steps

Dating as a Mormon

1. Make sure you are 16. According to the teachings of the Church, Mormon youth should not date before the age of 16. This is more of a custom than a hard rule, but it is a good standard to follow, as you will probably not be mature enough to effectively handle that kind of personal relationship before then. Even after that, the Church discourages youth from entering serious relationships before they are considering marriage.
2. Think about what you want in a relationship. While the Church allows dating at 16, it discourages serious relationships until you both are older and considering marriage. Before that, you are encouraged to date, but not exclusively. This isn’t a hard rule, but it will influence the way both of you approach the relationship. Having similar expectations about the relationship’s possibilities will make your time together more meaningful and fun.
   • The right age for getting married varies depends for men and women. For men, this will likely come after completing your mission trip, so in your early 20s at the earliest. For girls, being the right age for marriage usually means graduating high school, if not later.
   • You should certainly still date even if you are not looking for a marriage partner. Dating in your teenage years will help you learn the kinds of things you value in another person. This can also be the basis for forming important friendships, and learning proper skills for social interaction.
3. Be a good influence. The Church encourages you to use dating as an opportunity to show your respect not just for others, but for yourself. Dress nicely, as the girl will appreciate the effort put into looking good for her, and encourage her to do the same.
4. Keep the relationship casual. If you are not old enough to consider marriage, you should be careful about having a serious, exclusive relationship. Even if you are looking towards marriage, it can be better to hold off on more serious activities until a couple of dates to make sure you both feel the relationship is moving in the right direction.
   • Avoid lots of physical contact early on. This means holding hands while walking around, or even kissing. Brief hugging is considered okay, but lingering contact, or forcing another person to hug you who doesn’t want to, is not appropriate. You don’t want to give one another, or other people, the idea that you are an exclusive couple.
   • This is especially true when you are around others. Public displays of affection (PDA) show a lack of self-control. It is also considered disrespectful to others, as they may be uncomfortable because of your open displays.
   • You should also be willing to date other people. The goal of dating at that age is to broaden your social circle and learn more about yourself. You should not be trying to be exclusive with one person, so go on dates with as many people as you can.
5. Look for girls in your singles ward. In areas with lots of single Mormons of dating and marriageable age, the Church has established singles wards. You will be surrounded by single women, many of whom are probably interested in dating and marrying a Mormon, so take advantage.
   • Currently, there is a shortage of men in LDS circles. Many men have begun leaving the Church in their early twenties as the mission has become more important. This means there will be plenty of girls in the singles ward looking for a date, and you can be pretty choosy if you’d like.
6. Date in groups. While dating is a good time to get to know someone, if you are young it is better to go on group dates. This can keep the relationship from getting too exclusive, and spending time with more people can give you a wider variety of things to do.
   • Even for more serious relationships, group dates can be a good way for you and your girlfriend to watch each other interact with different people. This can be a good way to learn more about your personalities.
   • A group date is anything that you as a couple do with other couples. Make sure everyone involved is a couple, or at least is paired with someone. Otherwise you risk having an awkward mix between dating and hanging out, which can be uncomfortable for those involved.
7. Don’t date while on mission. While you will be of the right age to date, the Church discourages you from trying to date someone while on your mission trip. Trying to maintain a long-distance relationship with someone at home or attempting to date someone you meet while on mission are both distractions. Your focus should be on promoting the Church and performing good works, and you won’t have time for a relationship.

Dating as a Non-Mormon

1. Go on dates on days other than Sunday. Mormons observe the Sabbath closely, so Sundays are for attending church meetings and focusing on their spirituality. You’ll probably have to skip Sunday brunch, but there are six other days in the week to use for dating.
2. Dress nicely. The Church encourages people to be a good influence on one another, and she will probably expect you to dress well for her. You don’t need to wear a tie, but she will probably find it attractive if you take the time to put on something nicer than jeans and an old t-shirt for her.
3. Know her limits on substances. Due to their religious teachings, Mormons do not smoke, drink alcohol or caffeinated "hot drinks" (coffee or tea), or do drugs. This does not mean that you cannot do those things, but remember that she will not be able to do them with you. This can make it harder for you two to do things together.
   • The Church has recently clarified its position on caffeine. "Hot drinks," which refers to coffee or tea are not okay, but sodas are perfectly fine.
4. Don’t ask her to have sex. Mormons are very strict about avoiding sex outside of marriage. If you are in a relationship with the expectation of sex, it isn’t going to work out. The extent of other physical activity depends on what you both want from the relationship, though in general the Mormon Church frowns on sexual contact even beyond intercourse.
5. Learn more about the LDS Church. If she identifies as a Mormon, then she probably takes her faith seriously, and it means a lot to her. You’ll want to show interest in things she cares about, so take this time to learn more about Mormonism. You can ask her directly, or through sources like other Mormons or reading their books. You certainly don’t have to accept any of it, or convert, but it may help you understand her faith and choices.
6. Consider converting. If your relationship has gotten very serious, your girlfriend will probably try to find agreement in your faiths. Being married and raising a family can be very difficult if the two of you disagree about important issues like religion. In each case, you should also consider how this will affect your families. There are two ways to go about this.
   • Join the Mormon Church (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints). This is obviously a big step for you, so be sure you have learned about the Church’s beliefs and teachings.
   • She converts to your religion. As you have been learning about Mormonism, hopefully you have also helped her learn about your religious beliefs (even if you don’t have any). If she expresses interest in converting, be prepared to talk about your beliefs, and help her find ways to learn about and follow them. Mormon women are more likely to date outside of the religion than men, but also very unlikely to convert to a different religion.
   • Of course, neither of you needs to convert. There are plenty of marriages between Mormons and non-Mormons. If you both comfortable having different faiths, your relationship can still be rewarding and fulfilling. That being said, interfaith marriages are pretty unusual for Mormons, especially compared to other faiths, so without conversion it could be very difficult for your relationship to last.

Dating a Mormon Girl

1. Make sure she is 16. According to the teachings of the Church, Mormon youth should not date before the age of 16. If she isn’t 16 yet, she almost certainly won’t go out with you. Even after that, the Church discourages them from entering serious relationships before they are considering marriage. If all you are looking for is some non-serious dates to have a good time, you should be fine.
2. Ask her on dates. Even though there aren’t strict rules about who should be doing the asking, it is always easier for her to say yes when presented with the opportunity.
   • Be specific when you ask. This means first being clear that you want to go on a date. You don’t want any confusion between you two about what you are trying to do. This also means giving her something specific to do. Don’t ask vague questions like “Do you want to go out sometime?” Instead, give her the option of a specific event and time, maybe “Do you want to see a movie on Friday?” She may not be able to go at that time, but you’ve given a solid suggestion, and she may be willing to work with you to find a good time to go out.
3. Try a variety of dates. You should want to keep things new and interesting, as you would in any relationship, while still allowing your date to maintain the standards of her faith. If you need alcohol or coffee to have a good time, you just aren’t being creative enough. Consider a mix of activities that are inexpensive, and allow you to talk and learn about one another.
   • Some good ideas include going on a walk or a hike, going to a museum, or having a picnic outside. You can always expand these into group dates by inviting other couples along, which may make her more comfortable in the early stages of your relationship.
   • Because service is important in the Mormon faith, she may be interested in doing something that will help others, like helping someone clean their yard. The important thing is doing it together.
   • It’s always a good idea to plan for the date in advance. This way, if you run into unforeseen problems, like the movie is sold out or you can’t get a seat at the restaurant, you have some backup plan. Make sure she knows the plan, so you both can dress appropriately. You don’t want her in jeans if you are going to a fancy restaurant.
4. Pay for the first few dates. If you were the one who did the asking, it is simply chivalrous and gentlemanly for you to pay for dinner, the movie, or whatever else you do.
   • Teenagers and college students don’t usually have the money for regular movies and dinners, so don’t be afraid to look for things to do that don’t cost any money. Going for a walk, playing a game, or watching TV at each other’s homes are good activities that don’t cost you anything. The important thing is that you are getting to know one another, not that you are always doing fancy things.
   • Later on, you shouldn’t always be paying. If your relationship is moving forward, or she suggests doing something more expensive, it is not inappropriate for her to help pay as well.

Tips

• Mormon girls are much like other girls their age, in that they want guys to respect them and treat them well. While there are some differences noted here, in many ways you should treat them the same way you would girls of other faiths.
• Don’t be surprised if she sees other guys for a while. Dating does not necessarily mean an exclusive relationship. The LDS Church encourages that young women explore their options and meet all different kinds of people. This means that she will probably be dating others at the same time as you. If you want an exclusive relationship, you can ask for it, but don’t be surprised if she takes time to accept the idea. If you are both in high school, she may refuse altogether.

Warnings

• While the LDS Church accepts that those who feel attraction to members of their own sex can be Mormons, it discourages acting on those feelings. The Church does not recognize homosexual marriage, and does not condone sexual activity outside of marriage. The Church has not taken any official stance on issues such as bisexuality or transgender, but largely teaches to love the individual while not allowing them to act on those desires.

Sources and Citations

See also

• Look Attractive (Guys)
• Ask a Girl to Hang Out
• Get a Guy Who Has a Girlfriend
• Attract Girls Without Being Annoying
• Appear More Beautiful to Men
• Date If You're Over 65 Years Old
• Get an Older Guy to Like You
• Attract a Guy
• Get Him to Make a Move
• Know if You Like a Guy

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