Deal With Emotional Triggers Effectively

Emotional triggers are created from past negative experiences. When placed in a position similar to that negative experience, strong emotions are stirred up, and our knee-jerk reaction can lead to emotional outbursts that we will regret later. If left unchecked, they'll continue to haunt us and control us. The good news is that there are ways that we can address these triggers and reduce our negative reactions to them.

Steps

Identifying Emotional Triggers

  1. Pay close attention to your reactions. Sometimes strong emotions come up, and we have no idea what triggered them. However, by paying close attention over time, it’s usually possible to learn what your triggers are. This makes it easier to work with them.
  2. Use a journal to identify your triggers. Write down what you felt, your reaction, where you were when the trigger took place, who you were with, and what you were doing at the time. Journaling like this is a great tool for keeping track of your triggers. Review your list and identify those emotions that evoked strong and intense reactions, otherwise known as the "fight or flight" reaction from feeling threatened in some way.[1]
  3. Recognize what emotions are for and how they work. Emotions help us communicate to others. They prepare us and motivate us for action, and they can be self-justifying. Sometimes emotions arise in relation to an outside event, but they also happen in relation to internal events, like thoughts and even other emotions.[2] Following are six of the major emotions:
  4. Familiarize yourself with your emotions. Your body reacts to your emotions. For instance, your heart beats faster when you feel scared. When you're angry, your body tenses or feels hot. By recognizing the cues given by your body, you'll be able to identify the emotions you're feeling. You'll then be able to address those emotions and control them before they control you.[9]

Avoiding or Changing the Triggers

  1. Change your lifestyle. Old habits are hard to break, and emotional triggers can fall into that category. To avoid and change a trigger, you'll need to replace some old habits and activities with new ones.[10] You'll also need to avoid those circumstances that have proven to be triggers.[11]
    • For instance, if you know someone who gets belligerent when he drinks and pushes a multitude of your triggers, stay away from that person when they're consuming alcohol
    • If not having enough money to pay your bills creates a trigger, then look at what you can cut from your budget.
    • Avoid alcohol and drug use. When you're under the influence of either substance and encounter a trigger, you won't have as much control over your emotions and your outbursts.
  2. Take a time-out. Sometimes a time-out can help you calm down before re-engaging with a situation. You can use this time to think about the emotions you're experiencing and how to address them in a more positive way. For instance, if you get angry with someone, and you don’t want to say or do something that would hurt him, you can take a time-out. You can then think about how you should respond to that person or if you should respond to that person at all.[12]
  3. Expand your window of tolerance gradually. Staying away from things that trigger you works in the short run, but it might not work in the long run. For instance, if you find all crowds emotionally triggering, you may respond by avoiding crowds. When this happens, your social life may become quite restricted. To overcome this, experiment with trying little bits of the triggering experience at a time, and then increase your exposure in a gradual and manageable way. Continue until you have successfully managed your emotions to the point that the experience is no longer a trigger.

Handling Unavoidable Triggers

  1. Develop different ways you can handle a trigger. Determine your desired outcomes from your triggers and what you'll need to do to accomplish them. If you can't pay a certain bill, call the creditor and work out a payment plan. If your trigger comes from being overwhelmed because you don't have time to cook dinner before attending the PTA meeting, then order take-out food.[13]
  2. Practice opposite actions for negative emotions. When we experience negative emotions, we can have the tendency to enforce it with negative responses. If you isolate yourself when you feel sad and lonely, you'll create more sadness and loneliness. To change the sad and lonely feelings, approach friends and safe social situations. Try to engage in activities that invoke opposite feelings.[14]
  3. Create positive experiences that lead to positive memories. Not all triggers are negative. Pleasant experiences can trigger some happy memories. The smell of cookies baking can remind us of holidays at grandmas. Listening to an oldie-but-goodie love song can bring back memories of our first date.
  4. Use emotion regulation skills or distress tolerance to tolerate unpleasant feelings. You can then act out those unpleasant feelings in a way that doesn't make things worse. In fact, they can be healthy for you. Some ways you can do this include:
    • Distracting yourself to help tolerate difficult feelings.
    • Engaging in activities/hobbies, like knitting, drawing, or going to the movies.
    • Contributing your time. Volunteer, help someone, or do something nice.
    • Creating opposite emotions. Do something that creates emotions other than the one you’re experiencing, like watching a funny movie or reading a funny book.
    • Pushing away and leaving the situation or blocking it in your mind.
    • Using thoughts to distract, such as reading, planning something nice, or counting to ten.
    • Using sensations, such as holding ice, getting a massage, or taking a hot shower.
    • Practicing self-soothing. Soothe each of the five senses with pleasant and comforting sensations.[15]
  5. Improve the moment. Find other ways to make your present distress tolerable. Practice with imagery, finding meaning, prayer, relaxation, and focusing entirely on one thing in the moment, or taking a brief vacation. Give yourself encouragement. You're stronger than you realize. After all, you're taking steps to change.

Managing Your Emotions

  1. Change your belief systems. Look at the situation through different eyes. Don't perceive it as an obstacle, but think of it as an opportunity to improve. For instance, if you're unhappy with your job, remind yourself that you have the power to change what you don't like. Look at your current job as a training ground and a way to build your resume so that when you do look for another job, you'll be more marketable.[16]
  2. Learn to set boundaries. Sometimes our emotional triggers are the result of not setting boundaries and letting others know what they are. Boundaries tell people what you will and won't allow. They also set limits on what you will and won't do.[16]
  3. Reduce vulnerability to negative moods. Our bodies are like machines. If we drove our cars without gas or changing the oil, we'd eventually break down. When we neglect our bodies, not only can we break down, but doing so can affect us emotionally and not in a good way. Therefore, we must take care of ourselves. We need to:
    • Treat physical illness. If you’re sick, you may feel sad, angry, or frustrated. Seek medical attention and rest to recover from your illness.
    • Eat in a balanced way. Don’t overeat, and don’t undereat. A balanced diet contributes to balanced moods. Choosing the right foods can also contribute to more positive moods.[17]
    • Get balance sleep. Keep a regular sleep schedule, and make sure you get enough sleep each night.[18]
    • Exercise. Twenty minutes of vigorous exercise each day can help balance moods.[19]
  4. Enjoy positive experiences. When you experience positive feelings, make sure you take time to slow down and notice the pleasant experiences. Soak in the goodness, joy, and comfort.[20] Do (at least) one thing each day that makes you feel good. You'll build your resilience while increasing your ability to experience more good moods.
    • Laugh.
    • Take a walk in the park.
    • Ride your bike.
    • Read a book.[21]
  5. Build a life worth living by making small changes each day. You'll experience more positive events over the long term. Work toward a dream project, a career change, or self-improvement by taking small steps each day. Do something that helps you feel competent and in control. This helps regulate your emotions and gives positive feedback for your sense of purpose.[22]

Getting Help

  1. Talk to your family members and friends about the triggering situation and your feelings. Sometimes talking can really help reduce emotional triggers and promote understanding. Your family and friends know you better than anyone. They know when to anticipate your triggers, so they can help encourage you during those times.[23]
    • Ask them to soothe and comfort you. A little care can go a long way in reducing triggered emotions.
    • If your triggered emotions have to do with feeling unsafe, your friends or family could help you. For example, if you feel too afraid to go outside alone, they could go with you to the store or to the park.
  2. Get professional help. Find a good counselor, social worker, or psychotherapist. Lots of people have trouble managing their emotions and dealing with triggers. People with special training can help you identify your triggers, and they can teach you strategies for dealing with them.
  3. Speak to a spiritual director, pastor, or doctor. These are caring professionals who may have tools for helping people work with intense emotions, or they can refer you to someone who does. A spiritual director or pastor can also give you spiritual guidance that can help you during those times when you're trying to manage your emotions. A doctor can prescribe medication if needed that can alleviate emotions like stress and depression.
  4. Seek out well-written self-help books on emotions and triggers. Anger management and emotion regulation might be good places to start. Books dealing with trauma could help you identify the root of your triggers. If you've already identified the reasons behind your triggers, then read books about that topic. For instance, if your triggers are caused from being in an abusive relationship, then look for books about domestic violence and abuse.
  5. Consider attending a support group. Often groups can help work with and understand emotions. Some of the members within a group have confronted the same triggers and therefore can provide some helpful suggestions. Search the Internet or ask a counselor or therapist to help you find support groups in your area.

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.byronstock.com/emotional-intelligence-blog/identifying-emotional-triggers/
  2. ↑ http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/er_handout_3.html
  3. ↑ http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2012/dec/13/what-is-love-five-theories
  4. ↑ http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/topic/happiness/what-happiness
  5. ↑ http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/topic/anger/what-anger
  6. ↑ http://www.eruptingmind.com/how-to-deal-with-sadness/
  7. ↑ http://www.emotionalcompetency.com/fear.htm
  8. ↑ http://blogs.psychcentral.com/emotionally-sensitive/2012/06/understanding-shame/
  9. ↑ http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/describing1.html
  10. ↑ http://www.nova.edu/gsc/forms/client_handout_4_6_exercise_on_identifying_triggers.pdf
  11. ↑ http://www.onlineexpert.com/elearning/user/pdf/Managing%20Emotions/Identifying%20and%20Responding%20to%20Anger%20Triggers.pdf
  12. ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/anger-management/art-20045434
  13. ↑ http://www.nova.edu/gsc/forms/client_handout_4_6_exercise_on_identifying_triggers.pdf
  14. ↑ http://www.mindfulnessmuse.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy/10-practical-examples-of-opposite-action-part-one
  15. ↑ http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/self-sooth.html
  16. ↑ 16.0 16.1 http://blog.adrenalfatigue.org/effects-of-stress-2/reframing-how-to-manage-unavoidable-stress/
  17. ↑ http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1057740814000060
  18. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/excessive-sleepiness-10/emotions-cognitive
  19. ↑ http://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/12/exercise.aspx
  20. ↑ http://dbtselfhelp.com/html/positives.html
  21. ↑ http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/er_handout_8.html
  22. ↑ http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/reduce_vulnerability.html
  23. ↑ http://www.consistent-parenting-advice.com/how-to-express-emotions.html
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