Deal With Teenagers As a Single Parent
A single parent could be a male or a female who is uncoupled and is completely responsible for the upbringing of a child or children. In most of the cases it’s the mother who heads the single parent family. The reason of a single parenthood could be attributed to the death of a partner, a divorce or an unplanned pregnancy. Single parenting for teenagers is not easy and fraught with complications. Independence, honesty and trust are the three major factors that can really make this bond stronger.
Steps
- Engage any support network, friends, or family you may have. A proper networking with like-minded individuals can help a lot. First, if you know and trust the parents of your child’s friends, ask them for help. That doesn’t mean you expect them to take on your parental responsibilities, but to assist you in fulfilling them better. For example, if you have to work late, they might agree to feed your child dinner and give them a safe environment in which to do homework. You can pick your child up on the way home and return the favor to these parents by having their child stay overnight at your house on a weekend when they want to go out and need to know where their child is and what they are doing. It will really help single parents to meet new people and reduce the stress of daily responsibilities.
- Ask sisters, brothers, and grandparents to call and check in on your child if he/she is home alone. Without interrogating the child, casually ask them what they are doing, whether they have eaten or not, and if their homework is done. Studies show that even latchkey kids without parental supervision do better in school and socially if they know that there is someone checking on them – someone who cares. A random visit during the afternoon or evening as your brother swings home from work is not a bad idea either. “I’m just stopping by to drop something off for your dad”. You can come up with something. You can win their trust by showing your concern and affection for them. A little bit of supervision can infuse the confidence in them.
- Talk to your child about the fact that you can’t be there all the time and let them know what you expect. Ground rules are important. Homework is done first before they play video games, etc. Lock down dangerous websites on your computer. If your child is more computer literate than you are - get a computer literate person at work to teach you how to check and monitor your child’s browsing history so you can see where they are going on the internet. Again, let your child know your expectations. A child is very curious by nature and it is very obvious for your child to explore new things. There is a possibility for a child to visit a website that is not suitable for him/her. If you lock down certain websites, it will help your child understand the limitations.
- Give your child chores to do to earn money or to earn favors (like going out with friends on a Saturday night) to keep them busy while you are gone. Laundry, vacuuming, walking the dog, making dinner, whatever you need done. Remember, you are a team! Giving your child a little bit of independence will do wonders for parent and child bonding.
- Know your child’s friends. As your child matures, they are exposed to more people and their circle of friends may change from when they were in elementary school or middle school. Get to know these kids and if you have a concern about their influence, watch things very carefully and make a move if you must.
- Listen and pay attention to your teen. Know what classes they are taking, which teachers they like, which bands they like, who are their favorite teams. Try to relate to your kids without lecturing them. Teens want independence, but they like it when their parents have a clue about what's important to them.
- Above all, make time to talk to your child and do things together when you are home. Don’t just sit in front of the TV. Go to a movie. Go shopping. Take them out to lunch and talk. Ask questions gently, and don’t demand information, but find out what they are interested in now as they grow and mature. Stay in touch. Call from work to chat on a break. Leave notes. Schedule special dinners or outings to do things you both enjoy. Find one person you can trust whom you can bank on to help you when feel unable to cope. You may instead speak to someone official about when it's getting 'too much' but always bear in mind that you are probably talking to someone who hasn't been in the position that you are in. Sometimes it can feel like banging your head against a brick wall explaining your situation but be persistent. This doesn't mean you should silently take it.
- Try to understand the root cause behind any irrational behavior of your child, rather than losing temper. Being a single parent it’s even easier to lose patience. It gets frustrating at times that your child is not behaving the way you want them to. You need to be more understanding towards your child’s behavior. Teenagers are quite stubborn by nature. Despite your love and affection, not being able to win them to your way of thinking might bother you quite a lot. In these tough situations, you should not lose your cool. Any friction might make them go astray. Staying positive and spending more time with them can help.
Tips
- The biggest problem a single parent has is finding time to do everything that must be done. But, if you grow away from your child during these critical years, you will have a problem. Teenagers have a natural tendency to bottle up feelings and stop Communicate With Teenagers as they struggle with new feelings and begin to recognize that you don’t "know it all" as a parent.
- Try not to over-parent. If you are constantly getting in the way of your child's life, they will not act the same.
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