Celebrate Your Daughter's First Period
Congratulations on doing your part to give your daughter a positive attitude towards her changing body during puberty.
Menstruation, because it is regarded as personal and private, can be confusing and even frightening for a girl experiencing her first period. It is best to talk with your daughter one-on-one and openly about what it is, what it means for her - even before it begins.
Contents
Steps
- Offer to tell her all about your own experience; don't be offended if she doesn't want to know. It's very personal and may embarrass her.
- Plan her favorite meal at home or take her out for a meal at a nice restaurant.
- Mark the date down in your planner and mark it on her calendar, so she'll know when to expect her next period. Periods may be irregular, especially at first, so remind her of that, too, and don't panic if the next one doesn't arrive right on schedule.
- Give her a book about dealing with periods and puberty and let her read it by herself, if she chooses. Answer any questions she may have. Don't forget to talk about related hygiene, and health matters, including dealing with cramps and periods in general. Some recommended books:
- The Care and Keeping of You from the American Girl library (available at major booksellers). The book talks about how to care for your body as a girl, and has a great section about tampons, pads etc.
- The Period Book is a simple yet very informative book with a little more than the basics for everything relating to pre- and post-first period. You may want to give this to your daughter before her first period, so she knows what to expect.
- Dear Abby's booklet, What Every Teen Should Know.
- In a pretty little Make a Feminine Basket for Your Daughter, collect a selection the different types of pads she might want to use. Label the ones for nighttime, heavy, or light or medium. Present it to her privately; don't announce it to the world.
- Don't forget period panties that are leak-proof and breathable. They will ensure her a stain-free period and protect her clothes and sheets from staining. One that works really well is "Adira Period Panty"
- If your daughter is shy and really doesn't want to talk about periods, just give her a book or write a note. Don't hug her in public for no reason, don't exclaim that she's 'growing up', nothing like that! If you feel it's necessary, get her some flowers. Lavender is supposed to help ease mood-swings... but she doesn't need to know that.
- If she is nervous show her that nothing changed so much, her life will be the same and she still will be able to do things she likes, such as going to the beach.
Tips
- Just remember that she will have mood swings. Give her space and privacy, and provide comfort and support as appropriate.
- Don't let her siblings test her moods. Make sure they understand that she may be on edge and if they encourage her negative feelings, punish them.
- Make sure you act happy! If you don't seem happy, it's likely that she'll be unhappy about it too. Also, don't tell her siblings, even older sisters.
- If she seems perfectly calm, she probably is - leave her be, but mention you're always there if she wants advice.
- Just be yourself around others but near her make sure she knows she can tell you or ask you anything.
- It's best to remain neutral, but it really depends on her reaction.
- Give her chocolate and bananas, which help calm cramps.
- Do not act differently. It's just her period, and it's normal. Do not act like it's anything special like her birthday.
- If you don't want your daughter to be humiliated, maybe it's best just to show her where the pads are and let her be.
- Make sure to tell the girl way before her first period, that it's coming and what will happen. Many girls have not heard this and thought they were going to die when they experienced a lot of pain and blood came out. If you wait to tell her this, while she's hitting puberty, this'll become too private and personal, and she'll be less willing to take advice about 'her own body(!)' from you.
- Some people like to celebrate the first time with a special card or a cake, but you can ask your daughter what she wants. If she doesn't want all of that attention around her, that's fine, respect it. If she says she'd like a small cake or a special day out, find out what suits you and go for it, make the day less uncomfortable for her.
- Make sure that she feels comfortable with you asking. If she does not feel comfortable with asking questions, don't ask them, because it will only make her less likely to come to you for advice later on if she thinks you will ask lots of questions.
- Buy her some ice cream and take her out somewhere.
- If she has mood swings, try to understand that this is normal. Just let her know that you are there for her.
- Don't provide chocolate or anything with sodium (salt) in it, or caffeine as these can worsen the cramps and cause more pain and discomfort.
- If she starts talking and you don't hear, don't ask more than once for her to repeat herself. It is very frustrating and when on your period you get frustrated very easily.
- Don't be thrown off guard when she starts to have an attitude. She is probably just having mood swings. Teens and preteens especially can become very moody when on their periods. Just give your daughter some space if this happens.
- If she leaks on her clothes, do not freak out. Just give her a change of clothes and a pad and let her be.
- Do not pressure her into using pads or tampons. Let her use what she feels comfortable with.
Warnings
- When talking to your daughter about her period, keep the conversation private. It may make her feel extremely embarrassed.
- If possible, do not have your daughter try putting in a tampon for the first time when it is not her period. It may be less messy, but it can also be painful. If you use a tampon that is too big ("Oh, a heavy flow, she must need extra large") it can become crooked/pushed the wrong way/etc. and damage her hymen. Be careful with tampons and make her choose the pads and tampons, do not force anything up to her.
