Deal With Women Who Act Like They Are Scared of You

Is there a certain woman you know who acts as if you might attack her any second? Do women seem intimidated by you in your work place or in an elevator? You are not alone. Understand that what you're feeling may be rather natural. You could be unintentionally presenting yourself as dangerous or intimidating (consider that you are probably six to twelve inches taller and fifty to a hundred pounds heavier). If you feel that women become anxious or even frightened by you and not to realize that you mean no harm, then this article is for you.

Steps

Understanding the Situation

  1. Think about whether you come off as aggressive. What have you done to make the person, or women in general, feel this way about you? Even small things can make a person intimidated and scared of you.
    • Do you tend to shout or talk just a little too loudly? You can control this by thinking carefully about the volume in which you talk.
    • Do you have a short temper?
    • Are you rude or intimidating without even realizing it? (Try asking some trusted friends if you come off this way.)
    • Are men intimidated by you too?
  2. Think about the way you talk. If you swear obsessively, tend to make snide/rude remarks, then more cautious women might feel wary of you.
    • Cut out any bad habits in your language. Cut down on excessive swearing, or language that could be viewed as sexist (e.g. b*tch, c*nt, or sl*t).
    • Watch the volume of your voice. Projecting is absolutely fine. If you are clearly the loudest person in the conversation, or if you are shouting over people, you might want to tone it down.
  3. Consider your body language. If your body language is domineering or aggressive, people might especially shy away from you.
    • Focus on using approachable body language. Don't aggressively dominate the room; be casual and friendly in everyday situations.
    • Pay attention to personal space. How much personal space do you see in others' interactions? Is it the same as what you give people when talking to them? Is it possible you're invading someone's personal space without knowing?
    • Sneers, angling yourself away from someone, and rolling your eyes can be read as contempt.
  4. Recognize that women, some more than others, have a heightened sense of stranger danger. This isn't your fault—women are taught to live by a "rape schedule," or adopting behaviors (dressing modestly, caution around alcohol, not walking alone at night) to avoid getting raped.[1] This affects some women more strongly than others.
    • This is neither your fault nor her fault. Rapists and rape culture are the issue.
  5. Apologize to a woman you clearly upset. If a woman in your life (colleague, peer, friend) was upset by your actions, make time to apologize. Explain that you're sorry you upset her, and take time to listen to her side of the story.
    • Choose a semi-public place like a restaurant or park. This can help her feel less on edge.
    • Make your intentions clear right away. Start the conversation by saying "I want to apologize."
    • If you don't know exactly why you upset her, say so. "I'm not sure why you're acting afraid of me. Whatever I did, I'm truly sorry. Making you nervous around me certainly wasn't my goal."

Appearing Approachable

  1. Give a brief acknowledgement to women in situations that might appear threatening. If you are alone with a stranger, give her a brief smile or nod, and then return to what you are doing. This lets her know that you're friendly, and that you see her as a person instead of a potential victim.
    • Avoid startling her.
    • Keep a polite distance. There's no need to make a great deal out of assuaging her fears; a simple smile and nod can communicate that you aren't a threat to her safety.
  2. Try to look more approachable. Friendly and open body language can help people recognize that you aren't a threat (and everyone may be more interested in talking to you).
    • Think about your facial expressions. Try giving a polite smile of acknowledgement to people who enter the room.
    • Don't narrow your eyes or glare at a woman, or anybody, for that matter. Try to keep your glance warm and pleasant.
  3. Be nice. Of course women will be scared or dislike you if you're rude, sneaky, or simply act like you don't care. Try doing some random acts of kindness and making other people smile. Ask people about their day.
  4. Be casual. Sometimes if you're incredibly formal and uptight, you can scare people off.
    • You don't have to wear your heart on your sleeve and start gushing on about your emotions, but try to be more casual.
    • You can practice being casual with your body language, language, and your facial expressions in front of a mirror so you'll know how it looks and feels.
  5. Stand up for women. Don't be a bystander to sexist remarks or catcalls. A quick remark, or just being there to stand by the woman, can help women feel safer in your environment and around you. And if your dad or grandpa could see you, he'd probably be proud.
    • Saying "Hey man, that's not cool" or "knock it off" can be enough to diffuse many instances of casual sexism or harassment.
    • If you see catcalls, try asking the woman if she is okay. Or stand by in case she looks to you for help. The dynamic will usually change if an aggressive guy knows that another guy is watching his bad behavior.

Tips

  • Don't abuse your power or do something to make a woman scared of you just because it gives you satisfaction.
  • Some men naturally have a strong, potentially intimidating presence. If you are this kind of man, put women at ease by smiling and being kind to them. Little acts of courtesy (holding doors, paying close attention when she speaks, offering help if she's struggling) can go a long way.
  • Show the girl you will listen to her, its probably the most important thing.

Warnings

  • This may and most likely will take some time.
  • Be patient -- you can't just click your fingers and have this come to you like magic.
  • Some people may spread rumors about you or talk about you behind your back. If this is the case, simply ignore them don't complain or retaliate.
  • Intimidation may make you feel better about yourself or just make you happy, but it's a sick thing to do.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_schedule
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