Look Approachable

It can be challenging to look and feel at ease at parties, meetings, or other social situations. With time and effort, you can create a comfortable, open, and inviting atmosphere that will draw people to you and increase your social interactions. Using open body language, learning to how to engage others, and putting effort into your appearance can all help you to look and feel more approachable.

Steps

Using Friendly Body Language

  1. Smile often. A warm, inviting smile can put anyone at ease and makes you look like you're having a great time. People will notice your smile and think are friendly, pleasant, and open to having a conversation.[1] Studies have shown that smiling also helps reduce anxiety, blood pressure, and your heart rate, which will put you at ease in social situations, too![2]
  2. Project an open posture. When people are uncomfortable in a situation, they have a tendency to physically close off from those around them. Be mindful of your posture. If you are feeling nervous or are in a bad mood, remind yourself to strand straight, keep your arms at your sides, and lean toward people when they are speaking to you. Reminding yourself to maintain these postures will help improve your mood and will help draw people toward you.[3]
    • Show that you are interested in what others are saying by angling toward them when they are speaking. Adjust your feet, legs, and your body to face the speaker. This shows the speaker that you are actively listening and involved in their story.[4]
    • Don’t fold your arms when you are in social situations. You may be projecting negative cues such as "I'm too busy" or "Leave me alone" when your arms are in this closed posture. Other people will watch your body for cues, so it's important pay attention to what cues you're displaying.
  3. Make frequent eye contact. In social situations, people will look around the room and will likely begin a conversation with someone if they make eye contact with them. Don’t stare at the floor or at your feet. Look up and be aware of your surroundings to attract the attention of others.
    • When someone approaches, smile and maintain eye contact throughout the conversation. In a one-on-one conversation, maintain eye contact for periods of 7 to 10 seconds. While in a group conversation, maintain eye contact for periods of 3 to 5 seconds.[5] This simple look will demonstrate that you are trustworthy and interested in the topic.[6]
  4. Don’t fidget. It's okay to feel nervous, bored, or unhappy, but if you want appear approachable, take care not to project negative emotions. Shuffling back and forth, biting your nails, twirling your hair, and other forms of fidgeting can display signs of boredom, stress, or nervousness.[7] Be aware of these habits, and take a few deep breaths when you feel the urge to fidget.
    • Avoid touching your hand to your face frequently. This can signal that you are feeling anxious.[7]
    • Tapping your feet can signal impatience or boredom. People may feel like you aren't interested in the conversation.[8]
  5. Mirror the other person’s movements. When chatting with someone at a party or an event, pay attention to their gestures, posture, and stance and try to emulate them. If that person has an open stance, adopt one as well. If they use lively hand gestures while telling a story, try to do the same. Mirroring a person’s body language can help build trust and establish a connection when used sparingly.[4] When used appropriately, it can help create a positive rapport and signal to the other person that you like their company.
    • Think about your relationship with the person before you mirror their body language. Avoid mirroring someone who is your superior. If you mirror your boss’s body language during a meeting, for example, they may see this as impolite and forceful.[9]

Cultivating a Friendly Appearance

  1. Develop a friendly wardrobe. Your wardrobe can help make you appear friendly and inviting, and looking presentable can help boost your self-esteem.[10] Ask a salesperson at a clothing store to help you select clothing options that are well-suited for you and appropriate for your body type. Selecting clothes that are flattering, well-tailored, and versatile will demonstrate to others that you are composed, self-assured, and pleasant to be around.[11]
    • Make sure your clothes are clean and wrinkle-free.[11]
  2. Wear clothing that is appropriate for the event you are attending. Dressing appropriately at events will communicate to others that you are respectful and happy to be there. Be sure your clothing is in good taste. People may be less inclined to approach you if your clothing garners negative attention.
    • Wearing shorts and sandals, for example, may not be formal enough for a wedding shower. If you are unsure of the formality of a particular event, politely ask the host if there is a dress code.
  3. Find the right hairstyle. Ask a hairstylist what style would work well for you. They will help decide what would work well for your hair texture and face shape. Maintaining a well-groomed appearance can help others notice you and signal that you are collected and outgoing.
  4. Wear approachable colors. Colors can influence how people perceive and react to you. Wearing blues, greens, and warm earth tones such as light yellow and beige can make a person appear more approachable, reliable, and confident.[12] Individuals who wear red may seem assertive, less approachable, and less friendly than others.[13] Utilize the colors in your wardrobe project a positive, welcoming personality.
    • When going in for a job interview or attending a social event, opt for a navy or green outfit to set people at ease.
    • Accessorize your outfits with calm, friendly tones. Wear a green scarf or jacket when going to a casual brunch with a new group of friends to appear calm and peaceful.[14]
  5. Use a name tag. If you are at work or are at a business conference, be sure to wear a name tag. People will see the name tag as an invitation to approach you and will be more likely to strike up a conversation. This helps you to project the notion that you are willing, open, and available for conversation or networking.[15]

Conversing with Others

  1. Avoid distractions and interruptions during a conversation. Listening plays a large role in establishing the quality of your relationships with others and can help convey that you are friendly and approachable. When engaged in a conversation with someone, allow the speaker to complete their thought or story without interruption. Maintain eye contact, smile, and nod to demonstrate that you are listening and focusing on them.[16] People will be more inclined to approach you for a conversation if they feel that you are interested and focused.
    • Do not check your phone when you are talking to someone. Be polite and make it obvious that you are listening and focusing on the conversation.
    • Focus on what the person is saying. Don’t drift off into a daydream or be sidetracked by other conversations going on around you.[16]
  2. Validate the speaker’s feelings. When someone describes a sad or upsetting situation, be empathetic and respond appropriately. Avoid questioning their emotional response and refrain from offering advice unless specifically asked. Sometimes the speaker may wish to express an emotion for support rather than for guidance. Showing support and understanding will make the speaker feel comfortable around you. Others will notice and be more likely to strike up a conversation with you.
    • If someone tells you that they are upset because their dog is sick, validate their feelings. “I’m so sorry. This must be a really difficult time for you. I understand how upsetting it can be when a pet is unwell.” Show the person that you are supportive, friendly, and that you understand their emotional response.[17]
  3. Ask questions. If you don’t understand a person’s point or would like to hear more about their perspective on a certain topic, ask them to clarify or elaborate. Show that you are being attentive to what they are saying and you are interested to hear more. This will make the conversation more pleasant. The speaker and others around you will take note of your attentiveness, making it easier for others to approach you.
    • It is also useful to ask questions when you know you have a common interest with someone. “Jane told me that you recently traveled to Berlin. I visited Berlin years ago! What was your favorite thing about your trip?” Establishing a common ground can allow the conversation to continue and flourish.

Tips

  • In a social situation like housewarming party or holiday celebration, offer to help the host. Sometimes having a specific task may help you feel more at ease. Plus, it's a great way demonstrate that you are grateful and are willing to help out.
  • If you suffer from anxiety, know that the more often you practice open body language, the easier and less stressful it will get over time. You will become more confident as a result.[4]

Warnings

  • If you have anxiety or depression, consider seeing a therapist to discuss your anxieties and treatment options. Cognitive-behavioral therapy and medication prescribed by your doctor have been shown to help alleviate anxiety symptoms. Always be sure to take care of yourself and seek professional help.[4]

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/14466/1/How-to-Look-Approachable.html
  2. ↑ https://www.britishcouncil.org/voices-magazine/famelab-whats-science-behind-smile
  3. ↑ https://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/rock-the-party-how-to-appear-friendly-and-approachable/
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 4.2 4.3 https://www.verywell.com/how-to-make-yourself-appear-more-approachable-3024853
  5. ↑ http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424127887324809804578511290822228174
  6. ↑ http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/14466/1/How-to-Look-Approachable.html
  7. ↑ 7.0 7.1 http://liveboldandbloom.com/10/self-confidence/body-language-tips
  8. ↑ http://liveboldandbloom.com/10/self-confidence/body-language-tips
  9. ↑ http://westsidetoastmasters.com/resources/book_of_body_language/chap12.html
  10. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jill-l-ferguson/how-clothing-choices-affect-and-reflect-your-self-image_b_9163992.html
  11. ↑ 11.0 11.1 http://www.succeedsocially.com/lookbetter
  12. ↑ http://www.empower-yourself-with-color-psychology.com/business-clothing.html
  13. ↑ http://www.realmenrealstyle.com/approachable-behavior-clothing/
  14. ↑ http://www.imagoimage.com/2007/09/18/influence-with-color-psychology/
  15. ↑ http://www.realmenrealstyle.com/clothing-behavior-approachability/
  16. ↑ 16.0 16.1 https://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm
  17. ↑ http://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/active_listening
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