Deal With Your Brother In Law's Jealous Wife

Your husband's brother is such a nice guy yet you just cannot seem to get his wife to like you. It would be great if everyone could get along yet she refuses to give you a fair chance. She is very nice toward your husband and the rest of his family. You try to bond with her but she refuses all of your attempts. She is too busy disliking you for "stealing her spotlight". She is no longer the only daughter-in-law in the family. She now has to share the spotlight with you which is something that she does not want to do. She feels competition, jealousy, and anger toward you and will do anything to make you feel stupid and unwelcome.

Just know that you have done nothing wrong. Do not go out of your way to kiss her behind. She was once in your shoes. She had to go through meeting the same family and has had similar experiences as the newcomer once she married your brother-in-law. It is unlikely that anyone treated her in the same way that she is treating you, so do not blame yourself. She has no right to make you feel uncomfortable.

Steps

  1. Stand up for yourself. You are a part of the family now. Your husband chose you to be his wife. You have every right to be included as a part of this new family. Building a relationship with your in-laws is very important so do make the effort to visit often and get to know them and allow them the opportunity to get to know you. Do not allow your brother-in-law's wife and her rotten attitude stop you from becoming a member of this family. Do not feel intimidated by the fact that she has been around longer than you. If she cannot handle the fact that there is a new girl in town then that is just too bad for her. You cannot control her thoughts and emotions.
  2. Socialize with your brother-in-law and his wife. You and your husband should invite his brother and sister-in-law over for dinner or set a date to go out on a double date (go bowling, see a movie, or meet for coffee). Use the outing as an opportunity to break the ice with your brother-in-law's wife. After all, she is your husband's "sister" and it would be nice if you could get along with one another. Allow your brother-in-law and his wife to see that you are a real person with only the best intentions. Make them aware of how important it is that everyone get along. Open up about how you felt becoming a member of this new family.
  3. If your new brother-in-law and his wife reject your offer to meet for dinner then just stop trying. Give them some time and space. Realize that you have given it all you have and that there is nothing left to give. You can only try for so long before your patience runs out. It is not fair to you to be treated that way so do not send out anymore dinner invitations. If they wish to meet with you then let them come around with an invitation.
  4. Make a decision on how to deal with it. Your brother-in-law's wife goes out of her way to make you feel very uncomfortable. She rolls her eyes at you, she avoids conversation with you, and she gossips behind your back. The best thing to do is ignore this behavior during the first few months. Give her a chance to settle in with the reality that she now has to share the spotlight. If this crude behavior continues then you can either a.) ignore it b.) set up a family meeting to discuss the ongoing problem or c.) begin treating her the same that she treats you (eye for an eye).
  5. Discuss everything with your husband. Let him know that you are aware that his sister-in-law does not like you. Also, explain to him how much it hurts you that she goes out of her way to make you feel uncomfortable. He does not have to "fix" the problem for you but he should be supportive and understanding. He may try to argue that his brother's wife is so "nice" and "sweet" but explain to him that her actions are different around you. She does not act in the same way. Luckily, your husband will not be so defensive.
  6. Do not allow this jealous witch to interfere with the opportunity of you getting to know your in-laws. You have every right to build a relationship with your mother-in-law and father-in-law. Do not be intimidated.
  7. If your brother-in-law's wife continues to be uncivilized then do not be afraid to approach her with a stern attitude. Let her know that you are aware of how she feels and that you do not appreciate her approach on the situation. Make it be known to everyone in your husband's family that they can talk to you about anything and that going out of their way to make you feel uncomfortable is completely unnecessary.
  8. Stand your ground. If anyone in your husband's family is purposely excluding you from family events, especially for the sake of his sister-in-law, then show up with your husband anyway. Let them know that you are a couple and that you will not tolerate separation.

Tips

  • Never brown nose. Your in-laws should take the time and put in the effort to embrace you. After all, you are the newest member in their family. They should be going out of their way to make you feel welcomed.
  • Do not allow anyone to step all over you. Do not tolerate any mistreatment.
  • If the tension builds up then do not attend family gatherings for a while even if a while means a very long time. Do not jeopardize your time and energy.
  • Do not stand between your husband and his brother. Just because the leading ladies in their lives cannot get along with each other does not mean that they have to end their bond. BUT limit the amount of interaction between your husband and his brother's wife. She has NO right to have a full relationship with him if she is going to be mean toward you. Your husband owes her nothing.
  • Continue to be yourself. If someone is going to like then they will like you just the way you are. Do not try to change for anyone.
  • Understand that some women get catty and will be mean for no reason at all. Your brother-in-law's wife may be reacting out of jealousy because the spotlight is no longer just on her. Just know that these are her emotions and that there is nothing that you can do to change them. If any changes are going to be made then it has to start within her. Your brother-in-law's wife needs to make peace with herself. you cannot convince her to like you.
  • Do not pretend. If your brother-in-law's wife is going out of her way to upset you then it is okay for you to show your anger. Do not bottle in your emotions. You do not have to like her just to be nice or for the sake of impressing your husband.
  • Understand that your mother-in-law may be nervous to treat you in the same way as her other daughter-in-laws. She does not want to make anyone feel left out. Invite her out for coffee so that you can have a little one-on-one with her. It is important that she give you the chance to get to know her and vice versa.

Warnings

  • Defend yourself.
  • Jealousy is a disease and for some people it never gets cured. Do not be surprised if your brother-in-law's wife will NEVER like you.
  • You cannot control anyone's actions but your own.
  • Never act happy or pretend to feel fine when someone is going out of their way to make you feel upset. Show your anger and disgust.
  • Speak your mind.
    • Be yourself ** In the end take it as a complement you must be a really great person for her to be so jealous and bitter to see you happy. I'm nine years with my husband and she is still crazy when it comes to me but everyone sees her now as crazy!!

Things You'll Need

  • A supportive husband.

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