Deal With Your Friend Who Likes Your Boyfriend

There’s not much that’s more awkward, and hurtful, then when your friend has the hots for your man. Things become even worse when your friend acts on their feelings. Obviously, this puts you in a difficult situation. You don’t want to act out of line with your friend, but you also don’t want them to make their move on your boyfriend. First, you can try to manage the situation by sending your friend a few clues. If that doesn't work, have a discuss with your friend about it. It may also help to ensure you and your boyfriend are on the same page, too.

Steps

Sending a Subtle Message to Your Friend

  1. Exude confidence. Your boyfriend chose to be with you for many reasons. Don’t let your philandering friend get in your head and make you forget that. Showing you are confident in yourself may make them back off. It will also show your boyfriend that you know that you are a catch and that he’s crazy if he lets your friend get between the two of you.
    • Tell yourself just how smart, kind, attractive, and funny you are if you ever get down on yourself because of this situation.[1]
  2. Remind your friend that he is your boyfriend, not theirs. Laying on a few subtle, and not so subtle, hints to your friend reaffirms to them that he is yours. Doing so may also make them feel guilty about their plans and help them decide to back off.
    • For instance, if your friend asks if your boyfriend is joining when the two of you make plans, you could say in a joking manner, “Why? Am I not fun enough for you?” This lets the friend now that you are aware of their constant desire to be around your boyfriend.
    • You could also make your friend know to back off by showing affection to your boyfriend, particularly if they are flirting with him right in front of you. You could smile at your friend and then plant a kiss on your man’s cheek. This will definitely send the friend a message.[1]
  3. Stay friendly during the interaction. Walk up to the conversation with a smile on your face if your friend and boyfriend are having a talk. You could place your hand on your boyfriend’s back and say, “What are we talking about?” Acting in this way shows your boyfriend and friend that you expect to be a part of this conversation.[2]
    • You may want to be concerned if they stop talking or they move their bodies away from you.
  4. Use hints in conversation. Bring the attention towards your relationship if you find your friend and boyfriend having a talk. You can use subtle tricks to remind your friend that you and your boyfriend are a couple.
    • For instance, remember to say “we” a lot when talking. Instead of saying something like, “I really like that restaurant, say “We really like that restaurant.” Talking about what you do together can remind your friend that you and your boyfriend are united.[3]

Talking to Your Friend

  1. Ask them if they like your boyfriend. Sometimes the best way to get the information you want is to be blunt. Being this way doesn’t leave any wiggle room for misinterpretation and gets you a straight answer.
    • For example, invite your friend out to coffee and say, “I’m just wondering if you have feelings for my boyfriend. Some of the things you do and ways you behave make me suspicious.” Your friend may get their feelings hurt, but it’s better to know.[4]
  2. Tell them to back off. You will have to become more direct if they don’t get the hint or they continue their behavior. Your friendship is compromised anyways because of their flirting, so telling them to stop talking to your man won’t do additional harm.
    • For example, you can say, “I’m not sure if you’re trying to be funny or if you don’t realize you’re flirting, but it’s making me uncomfortable and I want you to stop.” Try to say this to them when you are alone. Making a scene in front of people will only make the situation worse.[5]
  3. Avoid putting yourself in the situation again. Stop bringing your friend around your boyfriend or end the relationship with them all together if the flirting doesn’t stop. It’s clearly not a good friendship in the first place if your friend doesn’t respect you or your relationship enough to back off.[6]

Talking to Him about It

  1. Ask if he suspects your friend likes him. It’s easy to think that others are after your man, even if you’re not the jealous type. Consulting with him gives you a second opinion, as yours could be a little skewed.
    • You could say, “Do you think my friend has feelings for you? I feel like I am seeing signs of it, but I’m not sure. What do you think?” Take what he says to heart.
    • However, look for signs that he may also be into your friend and is hiding it. These signs could include lots of eye contact, text messaging, finding excuses to be alone with your friend, and acting differently when around them.[7]
  2. Look at him when he’s around your friend. Your man may give you subtle signs that he’s picking up romantic vibes from your friend. Pay attention to what he does when he’s around them. You may see signals that he feels uncomfortable or is looking to you for help.
    • For example, your boyfriend may look at you with widened eyes when your friend talks to him or acts inappropriately. He may also turn his body away from them and towards you when the suspected flirting occurs.[8]
  3. Tell him you are not comfortable with the situation. Are your boyfriend and friend texting each other? Do they share inside jokes? Do they often leave you out of the conversation? If so, you have every right to speak up about it, if you don’t like the way they behave. This is particularly so if you believe they may be having an affair.[9]
    • For instance, you could say, “I love that you and my friend get along so well. However, I’m not comfortable with how you two act when you’re around each other. It makes me concerned that something else may be going on.”
    • He will likely change his behavior if he truly cares about you and wants to make you feel more comfortable. It may be a sign that he enjoys the attention and likes your friend if he isn’t willing to stop.
  4. Understand your boyfriend may not be to blame. Try not to take your frustrations towards your friend out on your boyfriend. They are to blame, not him. Getting mad at him may make him pull away from you and create the opposite result of what you want.[8]

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 https://pairedlife.com/misc/How-to-Get-a-Girl-to-Stop-Flirting-With-Your-Boyfriend
  2. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/joinconversations
  3. ↑ http://www.hercampus.com/life/family-friends/how-deal-jealous-friend
  4. ↑ https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1756226/six-signs-your-best-friend-fancies-your-boyfriend-and-how-to-handle-it/
  5. ↑ http://www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/sc-social-graces-friend-flirting-with-your-partner-20160708-story.html
  6. ↑ http://www.yourtango.com/experts/galtime-com/when-you-friend-flirts-your-guy-5-tips
  7. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/03/04/8-healthy-ways-to-deal-with-jealousy/
  8. ↑ 8.0 8.1 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201601/when-someone-flirts-or-more-your-partner
  9. ↑ https://pairedlife.com/relationships/Confronting-Issues-without-Being-Confrontational-Effective-Communication-Skills-for-Any-Relationship

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