Give Your Boyfriend Space

It's a running joke that men need lots of personal space, but when your boyfriend is the one doing the asking, it stops being funny. Here are some tips that will help you give your relationship the distance it needs.

Steps

  1. Understand that it's okay to give your boyfriend space. The sooner you accept that it’s normal, healthy, and absolutely necessary for a flourishing relationship, the better it’ll be for the both of you.
    • If things have been reaching the breaking point in your relationship, try letting the situation go for a while. Don’t try to control what he's doing or fixate on what you're not getting out of the relationship; when you let things be, they often have a way of fixing themselves.
    • Realize that your boyfriend is more likely to break up with you if you keep breathing down his neck than if you give him the space he craves.
  2. Ask for clarification about what's going on. Without appearing paranoid or hysterical, be forthright in asking your boyfriend what he sees as being given space, and how much time he’d like.
    • Don't assume the worst; if he still gives signs of caring about you and wanting to see you, keeping your cool is the best thing you can do. Perhaps he's stressed from a heavy workload or snowed under with exam studies. Remember, it might not even be about you.
    • When he gives his reasons, reward him with your trust. This may force you to examine your own motives for being with him; if it's out of love, you should feel this trust, but if it's for security, money, confidence, etc., you should take some time re-examine your relationship.
  3. Work something out amicably. Does he want a few days or weeks right away, or does he want a permanent schedule change, such as having every Saturday to himself?
    • Visualize yourself as a person negotiating something perfectly reasonable; then, go ahead and negotiate it without extra baggage.
    • Don’t beg. There is no harm in occasionally asking him for help, extra time together, or an indication of your future direction together, but begging is extremely childish and unattractive.
    • Whatever you do, don’t walk off in a huff or throw a fit. Both reactions are calculated to have him retreat even further into his shell, making him feel justified in wanting more space!
  4. Spend time on yourself. Feeling lost when he asks for space is a good indication that you need it as much as he does – if not more so. Use this time to contemplate your life and emotional state. Become the strong, confident, and independent woman you’ve always wanted to be; you don't need him to ensure your peace and happiness.
    • Plan fun activities like Friday nights with your girlfriends.
    • Enjoy the outdoors. Long walks, hikes, climbing, swimming, sailing, etc., will improve your mood considerably.
    • Rediscover or uncover a new hobby.
    • Reconnect with old friends.
    • Become more involved in your career direction and work on getting a promotion.
    • Change your hair color or wardrobe. Become new and improved!
    • Keep healthy and fit; don't allow this time apart to become a reason for letting yourself go. Exercise will clear your mind, release pent-up anger, and boost your confidence.
    • Remember, a confident woman with a sense of her own purpose is extremely attractive, so you'll be doing both of you a favor by remembering your own strength.
  5. Work on your own bad habits. If you have any bad habits that have been keeping you from your true potential, this is the time to change them.
  6. Be patient. If you want the relationship to succeed, then love the space for the chances it provides you both.
    • Take time to rediscover each other. Making the relationship feel fresh and new is a great way to get back your momentum.
    • When you allow your boyfriend the space to think, do the things he loves, and be with his mates, he'll realize how much he misses you.
  7. Respect his choices and his freedom. If a guy can be with someone who loves him for who he is, he'll thrive!
    • The more respect and freedom you give your boyfriend, the more he'll appreciate being with you in the first place.
    • Be sure that he respects your choices and freedom right back; remember, your goal is to make the relationship more balanced, not just lopsided in the other direction.
  8. Be his best friend. Nurturing your relationship through healthy interaction will make you both feel happier and more secure.
    • Listen when he talks and don't interrupt. When you respond, stay positive and supportive.
    • Keep a relaxed attitude. If you learn how to put him at ease, he'll soon start pouring out all of his thoughts and feelings.
    • Remember, men need to feel safe too.
    • Again, make sure he reciprocates. After all, being best friends is a two-way street!
  9. Don’t turn this into a game. If you aren’t willing to honor your boyfriend’s need for space, he’s probably wise to ask you for it.
    • On the other hand, if you feel that your boyfriend is playing games with you, call him on it. If he isn’t willing to act like a mature adult, consider giving him space indefinitely.
  10. Relax and be the girl he fell in love with. Be happy and carefree, learn to love yourself as much as you love him, and find constructive ways to share time together and apart. Once you've got the balance sorted, you'll never look back.



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