Deal With Your Teenage Anger

Being a teenager isn't easy. There are pressures of school, work, family, peers, hormones, and many other things. As a result, this can be a very frustrating time of life: you may feel oppressed by the authority of your parents, you may feel like you don't get to make any choices for yourself, you may have had frustrating experiences with dating or in your friendships, you may have an uncertain future (e.g., whether or where you will attend college). Fortunately, there are several ways you can deal with your anger.

Steps

Calming Yourself Down

  1. Go for a hard workout. One way to deal with your anger is to vent it in ways that ultimately benefit you. Use the negative energy of your anger to your benefit by going for a long run or hitting the weights. Rigorous exercise can help you reduce your anger and help you cope with stressors that trigger anger in the first place. [1]
    • Try listening to music that pumps you up; this will help you endure when your workout gets tough.
  2. Talk to a friend. Tell your friend or significant other what is making you angry. In many cases, simply venting your frustrations will help you to cope with your anger, even if there is no solution presented from the conversation.[2]
    • You may find that your friend or significant other is going through the same problems as you, and it can help to not feel like you are the only one dealing with the issues making you angry.
  3. Take deep breaths. When you find yourself trying to deal with anger, try to calm yourself down. You can accomplish this by breathing deeply. This will help you to initiate your body’s calming response.
    • Breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, and exhale for a count of four.
    • Make sure you are breathing with your diaphragm rather than with your chest. When you breathe with your diaphragm, your belly extends out (you can feel it with your hand).
    • Do this as many times as necessary until you start feeling calmer.
  4. Go for a walk. If it is possible for you to escape the anger-inducing situation that you are in, do so and go for a walk. You will be able to calm down easier if you distance yourself from the situation that made you upset.[3]
    • If you, e.g., in class and you are very angry but are not allowed to leave, try pulling your teacher aside and asking her to use the washroom. If she won’t allow you to, try calmly explaining to her that you are angry about something and would appreciate a couple minutes away from the situation to calm down.
    • If you absolutely cannot leave the situation, try to remove yourself from it through your imagination. Imagine you are on a vacation to your favourite place in the world. Try your best to picture all the sights, sounds, and smells to make your vision more vivid.
  5. Think about something funny. Although easier said than done when you are angry, if you can get yourself laughing, you can change your emotional state. You can use your brain and imagination to create all sorts of ridiculous situations that can get you laughing. [3]
  6. Count to ten. If you feel yourself getting angry, remember that you don’t have to react right away. Tell yourself you will let your anger show itself after a ten second delay if you still feel angry after those ten seconds. Counting to ten can help you put off your feelings for the moment. [4]
    • It might feel a bit silly at first, but counting really can distract your long enough to calm down.
  7. Engage in perspective-taking. If someone made you angry, do your best to consider things from her perspective. Ask yourself whether she might have done the behavior on accident, or whether her behavior was constrained by the situation in some way (e.g., maybe she had no choice) or whether she may have had reason to do what she did. Also ask yourself whether you have ever made a similar mistake. If you fail to take her perspective, this may contribute to your anger, since we tend to underestimate situational influences on others’ behavior (this is called the fundamental attribution error).[5][6]
    • If you take her perspective you might realize that sometimes people make mistakes, just as you do, or you may realize that she didn’t have mean intentions, either of which can reduce your own anger.
  8. Replace your angry thoughts with more productive ones. The method of “cognitive restructuring” can help you replace old, dysfunctional thoughts with thoughts that will help you function better throughout your day.[3] Anger can distort our thoughts, making us think that something is way more important than it really is. When we exaggerate the importance of an event, our anger can get out of control.
    • For example, if you get a flat tire on the way to school, it’s annoying and inconvenient. Out of control anger might lead you to these thoughts: “I can’t believe my stupid tire went flat! Now my entire week is ruined. Everything at school is going to be horrible.”
    • We can change these thoughts by challenging them. Life usually doesn’t meet extreme conditions, such as always and never. You got a flat tire. Things like this happen in life, and things happen that you can’t control. There could have been glass in the road or sharp rocks to cause the flat tire.
    • Use your reasoning before your body gets out of control. Before anger takes over your mind, you can “talk yourself down.”
    • Challenge your thoughts by asking, "how will my whole week really be ruined by this flat tire?" "Do I still have good things to look forward to, despite this inconvenience?" "Last time something bad happened, did I get over it eventually?"
  9. Try to find a solution to the problem. With problem solving, you are doing everything in your power to address the problem. You need to figure out your own feelings regarding the situation. Then you need to express them in the most productive way you can.[3]
    • You might have to accept the fact that at this time, there isn’t a solution to the problem. You may not be able to control the problem, but you can control how you react towards it.
    • For example, you might be angry with your parents because they won’t let you attend a concert with your friends. You can still be angry, but it is also productive to talk with your parents calmly to figure out a solution. You might say to yourself:
      • ”I am going to take a few minutes to myself. I’m going go to my room and play my favorite song, and breathe deeply to calm down.”
      • “I want my parents to treat me like an adult. I am not yet an adult, but I feel I can handle myself. I need to calm down and get my brain clear. My body is in the middle of this stress reaction and my head isn’t thinking clearly.”
      • ”As I am deep breathing, I am thinking of ways to talk with my parents. I will ask them to tell me their reasons for saying no. I will talk calmly about why I want to go.”
      • ”If they still won’t let me go, I will suggest a compromise. I will ask if one of them wants to drop me off and pick me up. Even if they still say no, they will see that I am reacting like an adult and they will see that I am becoming more mature. Maybe that will help the next time I want to go to a concert.”

Reacting in Social Situations

  1. Practice reading others’ expressions. When you react with anger and frustration in a situation, sometimes it’s because you misunderstand how other people feel. Having a better understanding of what other people feel will help you figure out how to react appropriately in certain situations.
    • Try looking at pictures of different faces to see if you can “read” emotions. Even looking through a magazine or a photo album can be helpful. Search online for “reading emotions” to find examples of faces that you can test yourself with. For example, the DNA Learning Center has some tools to learn how to read faces.
  2. Double-check your perceptions with others. Sometimes, when you think that someone is getting angry with you, you might respond by getting angry back at this person. But before the misunderstanding escalates, check in with the other person to learn more about what he is feeling.
    • Try saying, “Did I say something wrong?” or “Are we okay?” This will give both of you a chance to check in with your feelings before you get into an argument.
  3. Avoid responding with physical aggression. When you get angry, your first impulse may be to hit, push, or kick someone. If you are responding to a bully, you are giving this person what he wants, which is a reaction from you. If you are bullying someone else, you are responding with violence that can hurt someone.[7]
    • If you feel like you need to punch or hit, rather than hitting a person, hit an object, like a pillow.
  4. Avoid expressing your anger in a passive way. In passive anger expression, you don’t actually deal directly with the person who hurt or angered you. Instead, you get even with them in other ways, such as talking negatively behind the person’s back or insulting the person at a later time.
  5. Avoid expressing your anger in an aggressive way. Aggressive anger expressions, such as shouting at someone, are the most problematic. There is the possibility of violence and negative consequences for failure to control angry outbursts. This can interfere with everyday functioning if anger happens frequently and is out of control.
  6. Express your anger assertively. Assertive expression of anger is the most constructive way to express anger. Assertiveness cultivates mutual respect for each other. Anger is expressed, but in a way where it is non-accusatory and mutually respectful.[8] Assertive communication emphasizes that both people’s needs are important. To communicate assertively, give the facts without making accusations. Here is an example:[9]
    • “I was hurt and angry because it seems like you were belittling my project when you laughed during my presentation. I don’t know what was going on, but it seems like you weren’t paying attention or taking my hard work seriously. I could have just misunderstood what was going on. Can we talk and work this out?”
  7. Be respectful. In order to get respect, you have to give it. Then you will foster cooperation and reciprocal respect. Your communications should convey requests rather than demands. Using please and thank you is not only polite, but it also shows respect for others.
    • “When you have the time, could you…”
    • “It would be a great help if you… Thanks, I appreciate it!”
  8. Communicate your own feelings. When you figure out how you’re feeling, convey the real feeling, like hurt, and keep judgment statements out of it. Stick to what you feel.
    • For example, you could say: “It seems to me that you are not being sensitive to my feelings when you read your paper instead of listening to what I’m trying to say.”
  9. Make your communications clear and specific. Be sure to get your point across by stating exactly what the issue is. For instance, if your co-worker is speaking very loudly on the phone and it’s difficult for you to do your work, you can state your request like this:
    • “Would you please lower the volume of your voice on the telephone? It’s making it very difficult for me to concentrate on my work. I’d really appreciate it. Thanks.” By saying this, you are directly addressing the other person. You are making it clear what you need and letting him know why it is a problem for you.
  10. Keep an anger journal. As you engage in social interactions, keep track of what makes you upset. An anger journal will help you find patterns that you can then use to tailor a specific anger management strategy for yourself. [10]
    • Keeping track of this information will help you learn what triggers your anger. Then you can avoid those situations when possible, or take steps to reduce your anger in situations that are unavoidable.
    • When you record in your journal, you can make the following observations:
      • What provoked the anger?
      • What thoughts occurred as you got angry?
  11. Assess what triggers your anger. A trigger is something that precedes and causes your feelings of anger. Once you start tracking your anger by writing down when it occurs and what causes it, you can start to look for patterns. Some common trigger patterns for anger include:
    • Not being able to control other’s actions.
    • Other people disappointing you for not meeting your expectations.
    • Not being able to control daily life events.
    • Someone trying to manipulate you.
    • Getting mad at yourself for a mistake.

Getting Help

  1. Talk with a trusted adult. Angry feelings can be very overwhelming. It can also be difficult to know what to do with them. Talking with a trusted adult will be helpful in figuring out your feelings. This adult might be a parent, another family member, a teacher or counselor, or another adult friend. You can also ask your doctor about your feelings. This person can share his own experiences in dealing with angry feelings. He can also give you some perspective on your own feelings.[11]
  2. See a therapist. Therapy is a great way to find new ways of dealing and expressing anger.[12] Plenty of people see therapists when they want to learn some skills that will improve their lives. Other people see a therapist because they have been through a difficult time and need to talk about it.
    • Your therapist will most likely use relaxation techniques to help you calm down in the middle of an anger episode. Your therapist will also help you deal with the thoughts that can trigger anger and find new ways to view your situations.
    • You can see a therapist on your own or with your family. Think about what you would feel most comfortable with. Talk with your parents or a trusted adult about your interest in trying therapy.[13]
    • Therapists will also help you with emotional coping skills and assertiveness communication training.
    • Some psychotherapists specialize in helping clients work through their personal history, such as overcoming an abusive or neglectful childhood, or overcoming a tragic event. These therapists can be helpful in dealing with anger from past events.
  3. Take an anger management class. Anger management programs have been shown to have a high rate of success. The most successful programs help you understand your anger, give you short-term strategies to deal with your anger, and help you build skills.[14]
    • There are anger management programs specifically geared towards children, teens and families. Search online to find one in your area.
  4. Ask your doctor about medication. Anger is often a part of different disorders, such as bipolar disorder, depression, and anxiety. Drug therapy for anger will depend on the condition the anger is occurring with. Taking the medications for the disorder could help the anger as well.[15]
    • For example, if the anger is occurring with depression, antidepressants can treat depression symptoms as well as anger. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) like Lexapro or Zoloft might be used to treat generalized anxiety disorder. These drugs can also help relieve irritability you may experience as part of your anxiety.
    • Each drug has side effects. For example, lithium, which is used to treat bipolar disorder, has a very high rate of renal (kidney) complications. Being aware of the possible side effects will help you monitor for complications. It’s very important to discuss these possibilities openly with your doctor.
      • There is a small possibility that teens may experience suicidal thoughts when taking selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), especially in the first 4 weeks of treatment.[16] SSRIs are commonly used for treating depression and anxiety.

Learning the Negatives of Anger

  1. Recognize how your anger can negatively affect your interactions. If you need help getting motivation to maintain a strategy for dealing with your angry, then get a sense of how your anger can negatively impact your life. Anger can become a big problem if it causes you to act aggressively towards other people. When anger is a constant reaction to everyday events and to the people around you, even your loved ones, you may have trouble finding enjoyment in life.
    • Anger can interfere with your job, your relationships with the ones you love, and your social life. You might even get incarcerated if you assault another person.[14]
  2. Recognize how anger can affect your health. When you’re frequently angry, your physical health can take a hit. Out-of-control anger or suppressed anger can cause:[17]
    • Physical difficulties: These might include an aching back or head, high blood pressure, sleeplessness, indigestion, skin disorders, or irritable bowel syndrome.
      • Anger and hostility also put people at higher risk for heart disease.[18] Anger and hostility are better predictors of heart disease, even over other factors such as smoking and obesity.
    • Mental health issues: Anger can contribute to an increased likelihood of depression, anorexia or bulimia, alcohol or drug addiction, self-harming (cutting), low self-worth, and quickly cycling mood states (happy one minute, unhappy the next). Your anger won't necessarily cause these issues, but it can contribute to them.
      • Irritability, which is on the spectrum of anger-related feelings, is a symptom of generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). The connection between anger and GAD is not fully understood. But some experts think that when people have GAD, they tend to be passive in their way of dealing with anger (for example, having anger but not showing it).[19]
    • Immune system difficulties: Anger constantly bombards the immune system, since the body’s stress response shuts down our immune system. Illnesses such as colds and flus are higher for people who have higher levels of anger.[14]
  3. Check to see if you’re bullying. If your anger is causing you to bully other people, you might be inflicting potentially long-lasting emotional pain on them. If you are venting your anger by bullying others, you may look back on your teenage years with deep regret. To avoid this possibility of regret from inflicted emotional pain, try venting your anger in other ways. To vent your frustrations, try hitting a pillow or going for a long run. Types of bullying include:[20]
    • Verbal bullying: teasing, name-calling, inappropriate comments, taunting.
    • Social bullying: leaving someone out, spreading rumors, embarrassing someone in public.
    • Physical bullying: hitting, punching, spitting, tripping, taking someone's things, breaking someone's things.

Using Long-Term Strategies to Reduce Anger

  1. Try meditation. Meditation has been shown to be effective in emotional regulation. [21] Meditation has been shown to have a lasting effect on the amygdala, the center for emotion and the part of the brain where the stress response begins after a stressful or threatening event has been perceived.[3]
    • If you can, excuse yourself and go to the bathroom, a stairwell, or outside. Having a quiet, private space will help you feel more comfortable.
    • Breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, and exhale for a count of four. Make sure you are breathing with your diaphragm rather than with your chest. When you breathe with your diaphragm, your belly extends out (you can feel it with your hand). Do this as many times as necessary until you start feeling calmer.
    • Combine breathing with visualization tasks. A simple way to do this is when you breathe in, envision a golden-white light that relaxes you and makes you feel happy. Envision this white light spreading into your lungs and throughout your entire body. When you breathe out, breathe out muddy, dark colors which represent your angry, stressed out feelings.
    • If you feel like you have trouble meditating, don’t worry. Meditation is a combination of deep breathing exercises, visualization, and performing mental tasks. If it’s difficult for you to sit long enough to meditate or if you feel uncomfortable meditating, you can just begin with simply deep breathing. This way, you can initiate your body’s calming response.
  2. Try progressive muscle relaxation. Progressive muscle relaxation is the process of tensing and relaxing your entire body in progressive stages. It is thought that by tensing your muscles yourself, it will help release pent-up tension in your body.[22] Use this method to relax your body:
    • Start with a few deep breaths: breathe in for a count of four, hold for four, exhale for four.
    • Work your way from the top of your head to your feet. First, tighten the muscles in your face, head, mouth, and neck.
    • Hold for twenty seconds, and then release.
    • Then work your way down the body, tensing and releasing your shoulders, arms, back, hands, stomach, legs, feet, and toes.
    • Now wiggle your toes around, feeling the relaxation from your toes to your head.
    • Take a few more deep breaths, and enjoy the feeling of relaxation.
  3. Eat well. Stay away from processed and fried foods, as well as refined sugars and other unhealthy foods. Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables so that your body gets nutrients and vitamins that keep you healthy.
    • Drink plenty of water so that you don’t get dehydrated.
  4. Get enough sleep. Teens need about 8-9 hours of sleep per night.[23] With busy schedules and homework, teens often stay up really late and find themselves dragging in the morning. Getting a good night’s sleep helps people regulate their emotions. Emotions are harder to control when we don’t get enough sleep. One study showed that with only a few nights of disrupted sleep for teenage girls, their negative feelings increased as well as their anger.[24] Focus on getting enough sleep so that you feel better emotionally.
    • Switch off computer and phone screens about 15 to 30 minutes before you go to bed. These devices engage your brain, activating your cognitive functions and keeping you awake.[25]
  5. Exercise regularly. Exercise is an excellent outlet to work out anger, stress and other negative feelings. For adults and children, research shows that exercise helps with mood regulation and controlling emotions. Try going out and exercising when you’re in a mad moment, or use it daily to release aggression. Play a sport, go for a jog, or work out at the gym a few times a week.[26], [27]
  6. Find a creative outlet. Expressing your feelings in a piece of art or writing can help you figure out your thoughts. Write in a journal or paint a picture. You might draw a comic strip, or build something out of wood.[28]

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/anger-management/art-20045434
  2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201404/6-virtues-and-6-vices-venting
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 3.2 3.3 3.4 http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/controlling-anger.aspx
  4. ↑ https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/putting-it-together-use-of-anger-management-techniques/
  5. ↑ http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886907000086
  6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/real-men-dont-write-blogs/201406/why-we-dont-give-each-other-break
  7. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/teen/school_jobs/bullying/bullies.html#
  8. ↑ http://www.creducation.org/resources/anger_management/understanding_anger_expression.html
  9. ↑ https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/assertive-communication-and-anger-management/
  10. ↑ https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/anger-diary-and-triggers/
  11. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/emotions/bad_mood.html#
  12. ↑ http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/help.aspx
  13. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/therapy-for-teens?page=2
  14. ↑ 14.0 14.1 14.2 http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/recognize-anger.aspx
  15. ↑ http://www.psychguides.com/guides/anger-symptoms-causes-and-effects
  16. ↑ http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/child-and-adolescent-mental-health/antidepressant-medications-for-children-and-adolescents-information-for-parents-and-caregivers.shtml
  17. ↑ http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/162035.php
  18. ↑ https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/health-costs-of-anger/
  19. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/200806/afraid-rage-the-origins-passive-aggressive-behavior
  20. ↑ http://www.stopbullying.gov/what-is-bullying/definition/
  21. ↑ http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2012/11/meditations-positive-residual-effects/
  22. ↑ http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/docs/Info-PMR.pdf
  23. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_body/take_care/how_much_sleep.html
  24. ↑ http://www.integrativepsychiatry.net/neurotransmitter.html
  25. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/features/power-down-better-sleep
  26. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/men/news/20100608/exercise-may-ward-off-anger
  27. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/news/2008/11/25/exercise-reduces-anger/3407.html
  28. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/emotions/deal_with_anger.html#
Retrieved from "https://kipkis.com/index.php?title=Deal_With_Your_Teenage_Anger&oldid=319598"