Deal With an Abusive Teacher

Having an abusive teacher, professor, or any type of educator can be very scary and is something that is very difficult to deal with. Abuse is not acceptable and should be stopped immediately. If you are a victim of an abusive teacher, it is important you receive the help you need as soon as possible for your own safety, health, and well-being.

Steps

Recognizing Abuse

  1. Recognize what verbal abuse is. Some people may find it hard to define what verbal abuse is and will often dismiss harsh words as a form of tough love or as a strict teaching method. In some cases, people even give excuses as to why verbal abuse is acceptable. For example, verbally abusive teachers might blame a student's bad behaviour, attitude, or ineptitude to justify verbal abuse. Some examples of verbal abuse include:[1]
    • Belittling. This type of language "puts down" a victim and invalidates their opinions or feelings, making them feel insignificant and even stupid. Abusive teachers might say to you, "You always have something to complain about" or "You're so stupid. You can't do anything".[2]
    • Countering and correcting. Someone that is countering or correcting in an abusive manner will do anything to oppose the victim's reality, thoughts, and opinions - even when the victim is right. For example, if you confront an abusive teacher and tell them to stop, they might say, "You're crazy. How am I abusing you?" By denying their abusive actions and your feelings, abusive teachers remain in control over the situation and over you.
    • Abusive “jokes”. These jokes may be funny to others but they are often told at your expense. You may hear jokes making fun of your gender, your appearance, or your mental and physical capabilities. By making others laugh, an abuser maintains power and receives confidence and validation from others.
    • Holding out or being negligent. An abusive teacher might say to you, “I won’t pass you in this class if you don’t do this for me” or “I’m not letting you use the bathroom all day today”. Of course, this is different from a teacher refusing to give you a passing grade if you have been failing tests and assignments. Instead, you may be working just as hard as everyone else and doing all your work, but your teacher still refuses to give you a good mark or even teach you.
    • Calling you names. This type of verbal abuse is the easiest to recognize. If your teacher is calling you an idiot, bitch, slut, stupid, ugly, fat, or any inappropriate and hurtful name, then they are verbally abusing you.
    • Lashing out. If a teacher yells at you in a rage, screams at you, or throws a tantrum, then that is being verbally abusive. A teacher should never subject you to such intense emotional displays of frustration, which can cause fear and anxiety in you and other students.
  2. Understand that teachers should never be physical with you. Many schools and educational institutions will have policies against physical contact with students. Even though a teacher may not be physically touching you, there are other ways abusive teachers can be physically abusive. Physical abuse is defined by actions such as:[3]
    • Throwing, hitting, or slamming objects. Although the object may never touch you, using objects as things to throw around, slam, or hit can be abusive. For example, a teacher might throw their pencil across the room, slam their rulers against your desk, or kick a chair. All of these actions cause stress and induce fear.
    • Holding down, blocking, or pinning. An abusive teacher might put their hands on you and force you to stay in your seat, or block you from moving around with their body.
    • Use of weapons. An abusive teacher might threaten you with a weapon or use a weapon to hurt you. Weapons can be anything from rulers, pencils, books, to more obvious objects like knives, guns, and sticks.
    • Any type of physical contact that causes wounds, broken bones, falls, and bruises. A physically abusive teacher might hit you, choke you, or kick you.
  3. Know the signs of sexual abuse. For many people, including children and adults, sexual abuse can be confusing. You may think you want it because you are aroused or that it feels good. However, teachers should never be sexual with their students. Even if both parties consent to sex or sexual acts, there are many policies and laws that define sexual acts between students and teachers as abuse.
    • For example, in the state of Pennsylvania in the United States of America, any form of sexual or romantic interaction between a teacher and student is seen as sexual misconduct. It does not matter the age of the student or whether there is verbal or written communication of consent. Any sexual or romantic interactions between a student and teacher is sexual misconduct and is subject to the criminal code.
    • Sexual abuse includes actions such as any sexual touching or intercourse, obscene phone calls or e-mails, exposure to pornography or nudity, sexual exploitation, and flirting or sexual language.[4]

Staying Safe

  1. Keep a record of your teacher’s abuse. Keeping a document of every time you experience any abuse from your teacher is extremely important. You may need to use this record as evidence in the future.
    • Record the date, time, place, and explain what happened exactly every time you experience abuse from your teacher.
  2. Avoid being alone with an abusive teacher. In some situations, you can avoid being alone with an abusive teacher. For example, they may ask to see you after class or give you detention. Avoid being alone with them by:
    • Lying about where you have to be. In these situations, lying is okay. Make up excuses like, “I have practice” or “I’m going to work after class” or “My parents are picking me up so I have to go tell them”.
    • Going to a place where your abusive teacher can’t find you. Try to find and plan to go to places where your teacher can’t find you or abuse you. For example, an abusive teacher would most likely not abuse you at the principal’s office.
    • Running away. If excuses don’t work, run. While you run, call for help and make as much noise as possible. Plan to escape in your car, in a taxi, or on a bus. If you are catch a bus or a taxi and you have no money, you can always explain to the driver that an abusive teacher is pursuing you and they will most likely try to help.
  3. Never let an abusive teacher take you to a second location. In many cases, kidnappers, rapists, and abusers will lure their victims to a second, more private location in order to carry on larger and more fatal forms of abuse. If you are still at school, at least there are other teachers and students near you to hear or see any abuse that might happen to you. But if you move to a location that is off-site or out of campus, it’s very likely no one will be able to find you or know where you are. You may be scared to say no or you may be forced to follow an abusive teacher to a second location. Avoid being taken away by:
    • Making lots of noise. An abusive teacher might become even more angry and violent towards you if you make lots of noise. However, by making yourself heard, other people around you can come to your aid or you can scare off you teacher by being so loud and uncooperative.
    • Turning on your GPS on your phone. Many smartphones will have a built-in GPS or location service apps that track where your phone is. Ensure that you keep your phone on and with you at all times.
    • Calling emergency services. Being taken to another location against your will is a dangerous situation and emergency services should be contacted immediately.

Finding Help

  1. Tell someone you trust about the abuse. It is never too late to tell someone that a teacher is abusing you. A trusted person could be a friend, a family member, or an authority figure like another teacher, the principal, a guidance counsellor, or a school nurse. Abusers count on their victims to stay silent. They will find ways to make their victims feel helpless, alone, and undeserving of help. If you are experiencing this, it can be difficult to reach out to others about the abuse. There are many ways to tell someone you have been abused:[5]
    • Meet with the person one-on-one in a safe place. A safe place could be at your home, at their home, or in a quiet room where you feel comfortable expressing your emotions.
    • Take deep breaths before you speak to keep yourself calm. Breathing gives you something to focus on other than how you may be feeling. It can also help decrease your heart rate and ease discomforting feelings in your body.
    • Start by telling the person you have chosen that you have something to tell them. You can say, “I need to talk to you,” or “Something has happened to me that’s hard for me to talk about”.
    • You don’t have to explain in detail what happened to you. Instead, you can tell them, “I have been abused and it’s hard for me to tell you what happened. But I need help”.
    • If you know how you want the person to help you, tell them “I want you to…”.
    • Write a letter or send an e-mail or a text message if speaking to someone is too difficult for you.
  2. Call a hotline for help. If you are not ready to talk to someone you know about the abuse you are experiencing or you don’t know who to trust, calling a hotline is an alternative way to tell someone about being abused. There are many hotline numbers that help victims cope with abuse. They will provide you with tools, resources, and even directly help you deal with an abusive teacher.
    • Speaking to someone about what you are experiencing can help make sense of what is happening. It can also relieve any fears, stresses, or anxieties that you may be feeling.
    • Most hotlines are toll-free and you can stay anonymous until you decide to disclose your identity. What you discuss during your phone call will be confidential.
    • Some organizations will have a place you can walk-in to receive help if talking on the phone is not something you want to do.
  3. Call emergency services if you are in immediate danger. In emergencies or dangerous situations, call emergency services for immediate help. For example, you could be in a dangerous situation if you are alone with your teacher and they are abusing you, or your teacher is becoming violent in class. Even if you can’t speak to the emergency dispatcher, dial the number and leave your phone on. The dispatcher may be able to hear what is going on and find out your location by tracing your call. Call again if the first call does not go through or you don’t receive help. The police can help you:[6]
    • Stop the abuse long enough for you to escape to a safe place or bring you to a safe place.
    • Arrest your abusive teacher for hurting you.
    • Report the abuse by interviewing you, taking pictures of you, and talking to witnesses like other students and teachers.
  4. Don’t give up looking for help. Unfortunately, not all cries for help are heard. If you speak to someone and they don’t believe you, tell someone else. If police or emergency services don’t respond to your calls and claims, go to your local police station and find someone who is willing to listen.
    • Some educational institutions will go to great lengths to bury any evidence of ever having abusive teachers. It can be difficult to convince others that what you are experiencing or have experienced is true. You can always go to your local newspaper or to local law enforcements to make yourself heard. However, it is important that you understand the risks of exposing yourself and your experiences to the public before you go to such lengths.
    • It is not your fault if someone doesn’t believe you or you fail to tell someone about the abuse you are experiencing. You are not responsible for how someone reacts when you tell them about your abuse and what they say, think, or feel is not a complete or necessarily true reflection of what you are experiencing.

Confronting Your Verbally Abusive Teacher

  1. Take immediate action against a physically or sexually abusive teacher. Meeting and talking with a teacher that is physically or sexually abusive is not a good idea. Dire actions should be taken immediately and no amount of discussion will end the abuse.
  2. Have a supervised discussion with your teacher. If you do choose to have a discussion with your teacher, be sure to have the conversation in front of someone you can trust, preferably an authoritative figure like a parent or a principal.
    • If you do not feel comfortable speaking to your teacher, have someone else do it for you.
    • Verbally abusive people and abusive people in general can be very manipulative. They may refuse to talk to you, deny their abuse, or shift blame to you. Having someone else there with you will decrease your chance of being further manipulated and perhaps illicit cooperation from your teacher.
  3. Do not use accusatory or vindictive language. The last thing you want to do is aggravate or antagonize your teacher even more. Tell your teacher that the language they are using to speak to you is negatively affecting you and your classroom experience.
    • Avoid blaming the teacher.
    • Avoid threatening the teacher, especially with statements like “I’m going to sue you” or “I’m calling my lawyer”.
    • Take a cooperative approach.[7] Perhaps there has been a misunderstanding between you and your teacher, or your teacher may soon realize their mistakes and change them.
  4. Take your complaint higher. Speaking with the teacher about their verbal abuse against you may solve the problem. But not always. If things do not improve, ask a principal or other authoritative figure like a school board representative to intervene.
    • They will file a complaint or report against the teacher. This is an indirect message to the teacher that their abusive behaviour is not acceptable and they will be dealt with seriously.
    • You could request to the principal or other authoritative figure to separate you from the teacher. They may relocate you to a different class or excuse you from the course without penalty.

Getting Through the Day

  1. See a counsellor or therapist. A trained counsellor or therapist can help you navigate through your feelings. They can also come up with ways for you to cope and deal with the effects of abuse.
    • Your school or local organization that helps abuse victims can refer you to trusted counsellors and therapists.
    • It may take a few tries until you find the right counsellor or therapist for you.
  2. Write in a journal. Writing down you feelings, your fears, and especially the happy things that happen everyday can be very therapeutic. Try writing exercises like:
    • Write down 5 things you are grateful for everyday.
    • Write about what you are looking forward to.
    • Write about your bad memories or experiences. Focus on describing your feelings. After you finish, you can choose to keep the entry or dispose of it by ripping it up or throwing it away. The act of getting rid of those entries can symbolize the act of ridding yourself of the negativity and abuse you had suffered.
  3. Take walks in a safe area. Walk with a friend or alone and use the time to let your mind wander. Take deep breaths and enjoy the scenery.
    • You can also run, job, or exercise. Being active, especially outside, can help you release any pent up or negative energy inside of you. It is also a good way to change your focus onto better things, even if it’s temporary.
  4. Spend time with your friends and loved ones. Surrounding yourself with people who care about you is a great reminder that you are loved and deserving of happiness. You can do activities like:
    • Watching movies at the theatre or at home.
    • Having dinner together.
    • Going on walks and hikes.
    • Playing team sports.
    • Talking on the phone.
  5. Meet with other victims of abuse. Meeting with people who understand how you feel and have gone through similar experiences as you can create a sense of unity and feelings of support. You can connect with others online through forums or meet them through support groups or organizations.
    • Meeting with other victims of abuse is not for everyone. It can be therapeutic or very triggering. Other people’s stories of abuse could be a form of relief or it could remind you of your own negative experiences.

Tips

  • If other classmates are suffering the same treatment, be prepared to help them. However, don't be too supportive. Take care of your safety first, and then consider helping them out.
  • Continue to respect the teacher, but don't let them walk all over you either. Be firm and set your limits, you have every right to protect yourself from any possible danger or from exploitation.
  • Don't keep this abuse a secret! Tell people so they can help you. Trying to stop the abuse alone won't help.

Warnings

  • Seek medical attention or professional help if you are considering suicide or having suicidal thoughts as a result of being abused by a teacher.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.ccpa-accp.ca/what-are-the-effects-of-verbal-abuse-on-children/
  2. ↑ http://www.abigails.org/Sin/types-of-verbal-abuse.htm
  3. ↑ http://www.abigails.org/a-continuums.htm
  4. ↑ http://teachers.teachingsexualhealth.ca/wp-content/uploads/Grade-8-Abuse-Lesson-11.pdf
  5. ↑ http://www.kidshelpphone.ca/Teens/InfoBooth/Violence-and-Abuse/Sexual-Abuse/I-ve-Been-Abused.aspx#whatDoISay
  6. ↑ http://www.loveisrespect.org/legal-help/calling-the-police/
  7. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/teachers-who-bully?page=4
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