Emotionally Prepare for a Funeral when You Have Depression

If you are depressed, you might find it difficult to even get out of bed, much less cope with attending a funeral. The reality of death isn’t easy for anyone to face, and when you’re also dealing with depression, grief can seem like an insurmountable obstacle. There’s no easy way to get through a funeral or get rid of depression. However, you can make the experience a little easier by preparing for it emotionally. First and foremost, take good care of yourself in whatever ways you can. Then come up with some simple strategies for making it through the funeral and dealing with the other people there.

Steps

Caring for Yourself

1. Accept your feelings. Death brings out a wide range of emotions in people, especially when depression is added to the mix. You may feel numb, shocked, or unable to cry. You might also feel too sad to function right now. Your feelings are normal, and there’s no “wrong” way to feel.
   • Allow yourself to feel your feelings and do not be ashamed of them. Keep in mind that it is a funeral and many people will also be feeling down during this time and that is perfectly acceptable.
2. Know that you will get through this. Everything passes – good times as well as bad times. You may never feel like you’ve fully recovered from losing a loved one, but in time, you will be able to heal and move on with your life. Have faith that, even if you feel miserable now, there will come a day when you don’t feel so bad.
3. Be kind to yourself. Keep your expectations reasonable right now. It’s normal to be less productive at work or to let your chores slip at home when you’re dealing with an emotional blow. Prioritize your emotions and well-being before the funeral, and don’t try to force yourself to do too much else.
   • For instance, you might need a bit more rest than usual, or you may choose not to socialize with friends as much. Figure out what you need and do that.
   • If you have a partner or close friend, then you might even consider asking if they would mind taking on a few of your chores to help take some of the pressure off of you during this time.
4. Take care of your physical health. You may not feel like doing it, but you’ll have an easier time coping if you stay healthy. Avoid sugary or oily comfort foods, which will make you feel worse. Instead, eat healthy foods that don’t take much time or effort to prepare. Try to exercise a little every day and sleep for eight hours every night.
   • Low-effort, nutritious foods include hard-boiled eggs, string cheese, raw vegetables, and healthy dips like hummus.
   • If you find it difficult to eat full meals, try snacking throughout the day instead.
5. Express your feelings. Bottling up your emotions isn’t healthy, and you may have a harder time at the funeral if you don’t have an outlet for your feelings. Find a way to express yourself, either privately or to other people. Confide in a friend or family member, write in a private journal, or channel your feelings through art.
   • You might even consider using an online forum to express your feelings to strangers if that feels helpful to you.
6. See a therapist. If you aren’t already talking to a therapist regularly, set up an appointment. You may not be able to have your appointment before the funeral, but knowing that it’s coming up might help you feel a little more hopeful about the whole situation.
   • A therapist can help you find your way through the combination of your depression and your grief.

Getting Through the Funeral

1. Ask someone to join your for support. Having a close friend or partner beside you during the funeral can make the whole process more bearable. Plus, this person can act as a gatekeeper, stopping others from crowding you or getting you to a restroom or outside if you need some air. Make sure the person is someone who understands you and who will be supportive.
   • Ask someone you trust to accompany you. You might say to your partner, "Sweetheart, I know you don't like funerals, but I would really appreciate it if you went with me. I need your support."
2. Be mindful. Use mindfulness techniques to center your attention on what is going on around you. Pay attention to the sounds, sights, and physical sensations you’re experiencing.
   • For instance, think about how the flowers look or how the church organ sounds. You might even count the rows of chairs in the room. Or, notice how the seat feels against your behind.
   • You can also try grounding techniques to focus on the things going on around you. For example, note how the ground feels beneath your feet, or how the chair feels on your body. Or, start labeling things around you to focus your mind on the physical objects in your environment.
   • Mindfulness can help you avoid getting caught up in rumination.
3. Breathe. If you start to feel overwhelmed during the funeral, shift your focus to your breathing for a minute or two. Take deep, calming breaths, counting to four on both the inhale and the exhale. Imagine that you are inhaling a feeling of serenity and exhaling your negative emotions.
4. Cry if you need to. It’s okay to cry at a funeral, and crying can actually help you feel better afterwards. Carry some tissues in your pocket or your purse in case you feel yourself welling up.
   • If you find yourself crying uncontrollably, you may want to consider slipping out of the service for a moment of privacy.
   • It’s okay not to cry, too.
5. Figure out what you will do after the funeral. Make a plan, even if it just consists of going home, lying in your bed, and listening to music. Give yourself something to focus on so you don’t find yourself at loose ends after the service is over.
   • Plan to do something low-key and soothing. Go home and have some quiet time, or spend time with your loved ones.

Interacting with Others at the Funeral

1. Expect people to react to death in different ways. Not everyone else at the funeral will feel the way you do, and that’s okay. Some people may not seem depressed or particularly sad at all. Remember that everybody grieves differently, and there’s nothing wrong with you or them.
2. Stay away from family drama. If you have strained relationships with some of the other people at the funeral, or if you know arguments are likely to break out, do your best to steer clear. Avoid the people who tend to cause problems, and be prepared to step away from a conversation or leave the reception early if you need to.
   • Try to keep things simple and have a plan in place so that you can leave if you feel the need.
   • For instance, if the conversation goes to a hot topic like insurance policies or wills, you might decide to go outside for some fresh air or make your exit.
   • Or, you could plan on leaving right after the funeral service so that you will have a set amount of time that you will be there.
3. Talk to your loved ones if you feel like it. Sharing your feelings and your favorite memories of the deceased person can be a good source of comfort. Talk only as much as you’re comfortable with, and don’t feel pressured to talk at all if you don’t want to.

Sources and Citations

See also

• Grieve a Friend's Death with Mutual Friends
• Deal With Death
• Deal With the Death of a Grandparent
• Deal With a Friend's Death
• Deal With Your Brother or Sisters' Death
• Deal With a Parent's Death
• Help People Dealing with the Death of a Loved One
• Deal with the Death of a Grandmother
• Mourn
• Cope With a Person Passing Away

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