Encourage a Sad Friend
Nobody likes to see someone sad, but when it's your friend, you can't sit by and do nothing. She may have had a fight with her husband, lost a job promotion, had a loved one die, gotten diagnosed with a terminal disease, or any other heartbreaking event that could have caused her to be sad. She's lucky she has a friend like you to help her through this rough time. Here are some suggestions on how you can encourage your sad friend.
Contents
Steps
Listening to Her
- Ask her what's wrong. Ask her if she wants to talk about it. You can say, "I can tell that you've been really upset lately. Is something wrong?" She may want to talk and has been waiting for the invitation. Therefore, listen to her answer. Be silent and don't interrupt. You don't need to offer you words of advice unless she asks.
- If she doesn't want to talk, respect her choice. She may be too hurt at the moment and feels she'll break down if she talks about it. She may just need to process the situation and her feelings for awhile. Give her some time, and let her know you're there when she feels like talking.
- Support her emotionally. Remind her that she's a great person and how much she means to you. Acknowledge her feelings when she shares her pain. You could say something like "I know that's got to hurt. I'm sorry you're going through this." Continue to show her kindness and encourage her. Continue to be a loyal friend. Now is not the time to abandon her or avoid her.
- Don't go around telling others about her problem.
- If she asks for your advice, then give it.
- If you don't know what to tell her, then suggest someone else who could, like another trusted friend, a family member, or a professional.
- Try to understand what your friend is going through. If you can't understand, then just listen. You can offer support without encouraging a situation with which you disagree. Don't condemn her and rub salt in her wound. For instance, if she's upset over a fight she had with her husband, don't say, "I told you that you should have never married him."
- If you can't say anything in her favor, then simply tell her that you're here for her regardless.
- Don't minimize her feelings.
- A hug and a squeeze of the hand speaks volumes.
- Be patient. Your friend may be grumpy or short with you, and she may snap at you. Don't take it personally. Ignore it and realize she's not herself. She's under a lot of stress, and you know that she's seen better and happier days.
Reminding Her to Smile
- Make her laugh. Get silly together. Play some music and silly dance. Rent a funny movie and watch it with her. Tell her some funny jokes. Reminisce about funny memories you share together.
- Offer to take her somewhere fun. Offer to go shopping together. That can be a fun venture. Offer to take her to lunch to talk or to get her around other people. Consider your friend's personality and hobbies. Ask yourself, "What can I do to encourage my friend and distract her? What does she enjoy doing?"
- Your friend may initially decline your invitation. She may tell you that she's not up to going anywhere. Encourage her and tell her that she doesn't need to be alone during this sad time and that getting around other people would be good for her.
- Buy her a nice gift or card. The gift could be something as simple as a small box of candy, a bottle of scented lotions, or her favorite flowers. A sincere card that addresses her specific issue is appreciated as well. Any of those items will tell your friend that you appreciate her and that you're thinking of her in her time of need. They will also help her get her mind off of her problems, if only temporarily.
- Your action gives your friend evidence that there are people in the world who care about her pain and want to help.
- Your friend will remember what you did for her when she's alone and sad.
Being a True-Blue Friend
- Offer to help her with a job or task. Ask if there is anything you can do for her. Offer to watch her kids while she spends time alone working through her sadness. Offer to go to the grocery store and/or cook a meal or meals for her. Offer to clean her house. If her parent is very ill, offer to go with her when she takes him to the doctor.
- Let her know that you're there for her. She may need some alone time right now. Comply with her wishes, but tell her to call you when she needs you, regardless of the time. If she takes you up on your offer and calls you at two in the morning, make sure you answer your phone and listen to her. If she needs to see you at three in the morning, climb out of bed and go to her.
- Don't forget to call her to say hi and to ask how she's doing and how she's feeling.
- Talk to mutual friends. Friends who you both share can provide extra support and duplicate the cheering-up efforts. You don't want to tell them anything she's told you in confidence. Ask her beforehand if you can tell them about her sadness, and clarify what you can say.
- Suggest professional help. If your friend's sadness continues, if her sadness is interfering with her life, if you find that you can't cheer her up, her problem may be more serious than being upset over a difficult situation. She may be clinically depressed. Be honest with your concerns. Suggest she talk to someone about her problems. Offer to help her find a counselor or therapist and drive her to the appointment if needed.
- If you suspect that your friend may be suicidal, then seek help immediately. Contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
- If your friend is in an immediate medical crisis, call 911.
Warnings
- Don't smother your friend when encouraging her. That will make her feel overwhelmed and could cause her to push away from you.
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