Find Your Genetic Parents if You Were Adopted
Learning that you are adopted can be an extremely emotional time for you. If you're adopted, you're probably wondering who your genetic parents are, and you most likely want to find them one day. Once you feel that you are strong enough to start a trace, it is often hard to know where to start, but with the help of this article, you'll find your genetic parents in no time.
Steps
- Prepare yourself emotionally. Make sure you are emotionally stable before you start a trace. In some cases, tracing your birth parents can cause a lot of wear and tear emotionally, and for many people this is an extremely emotional, stressful, and draining time. Make sure you have the support of a family member or friend who can walk with you through this experience. You may feel the need to talk your feelings through with a professional, and there is nothing at all wrong with this. It can often be a good thing, particularly if the outcome is not what you had hoped for.
- Find an agency or adoption service. If your adoptive parents are aware that you are starting a trace, the best thing to do is to ask them what agency they went through. If you want to start a trace but do not want your respective family to know, then the best place to start would be with your local health service adoption service.
- Write a letter to the service. Write them a letter stating your name, date of birth, the hospital you were born in, the area etc. Also, it is important to include the names of your adoptive parents as the adoption order will be in their names. In the letter state that you are aware that you are adopted and would now like to conduct a trace. Be sure to give your current address for correspondence but also mention the address you grew up in as a baby with your adoptive family, as this is the one they will have on file.
- Set up an appointment with a social worker. Eventually, the service will write back to you (unfortunately this can take some time) with an appointment to meet with a social worker who will be assigned to your case. The social worker will talk things through with you, discuss your feelings and prepare you for the journey ahead.
- Give your social worker some background about yourself. The social worker will do their best to get your file by using the information you have provided them with and then contact you again to arrange another appointment. This appointment will give you what is known as 'Unidentifiable Background Information'. You will get the basic information regarding the circumstances surrounding your adoption & a brief synopsis of your birth parents (mainly regarding your birth mother).
- Put yourself on a tracing list. After the appointment with your social worker, they will place you on what is known as a tracing list (waiting list). Unfortunately, it can take up to two years to get to the top of this list, depending on where you are from. There are many, many people out there who are adopted and conducting a trace, but not enough social workers to deal with cases immediately.
- Conduct the real trace. Once you have come to the top of the list, the social worker will contact you again to inform you of this. They will ask you again if you are ready and willing to go ahead with the trace because the next stage of the trace is much faster and in some instances it can become far more 'real' to the adoptee. In some cases it can take as little as 6 weeks to find your birth mother, but it could also take up to 6 months. If your birth mother has emigrated it may prove more difficult so patience is a prerequisite of this process.
- Get in touch with your genetic parents. Once they have located your birth mother, the social worker will write to her and ask her to get in touch with them. Your birth mother will then be informed that you want to start communicating with her, be it to start a relationship via letter writing, or simply because you want to ask her a question regarding health issues in the family history.
Tips
- You don't owe anybody any explanations. People often use the expression, 'It's not ALL about you', but in this case, that doesn't apply. It IS all about you. Don't feel you have to tell someone what you are doing if you are not ready.
- This should be and can be an exciting time. Look forward to the outcome.
- Be happy. Always remember that for whatever reason you were given up, you are a strong beautiful individual and just because you were adopted does not mean you are ANY less of a person.
- Please remember that at any stage throughout the process that you are finding this difficult, or too distressing, you can 'PAUSE' the process. All you have to do is inform your social worker. When you feel ready to continue again, they will pick up where you left off.
- You must be 18 years old before you can start your trace.
- Do research on adoption and how genetic mothers are emotionally affected by it. This will help you better understand her behavior should you meet.
Warnings
- The process is long, so patience is a virtue.
- In most locations, traces and searches are restricted to only locating the birth mother. Typically, the genetic father isn't traced, as most of the details that are on file relate only to your birth mother. If you are looking for your birth father, you will need to discuss this process with your social worker, but don't hold your breath that they can contact him.
- It is at the discretion of your birth mother as to whether or not she wants to start a relationship with you. In some instances, the circumstances surrounding your adoption may be too painful for your birth mother to cope with and she may not want to start a relationship with you.
- It is possible that your birth mother may not be alive or may have emigrated, making her impossible to trace. If it is the case that she can not be contacted, your social worker will advise you on the next course of action.
